Hello @Oaktree
Your reply, this morning, was and is very much appreciated. Thank you.
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The trips to Geraldton are, in a sense, a way of relaxing. When speaking with the counsellor about those trips, I described the level of concentration on driving and listening to programs on the radio being a way of divesting myself of the other concerns that I feel and experience, on a day to day basis. It is a very effective distraction. That means, for me, that it is a rewarding activity. Something like the experience of mindfulness in yoga, a walk in the bush, painting as an art form. The exercise component is the activity in getting to and navigating shops, medical environments, etc., that I undertake when in Geraldton. Though, I am still aware that I need more regular and consistent exercise on a daily basis.
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While I joke about taking the rest of my life to deal with my perceptions of events and experiences, there is more than simply humour attached to the statement. My thoughts are, that counselling need not only resolve, or change our perceptions of events and experiences from previous periods in our lives. Having, in some way, dealt with and resolved the effects of those past events, experiences and issues, if we continue our life using the same approaches, techniques and behaviours, as we have in the past, before intervention with counselling, we have made static, non-progressive changes and are likely to continue to build up more of the same, or similar negatives in the future. If we can learn from, and in conjunction with the counsellor, acquire and apply methods that are newer to us, better and improved ways of dealing with issues, than we have applied in the past, then we have, at our disposal, dynamic methods, techniques and capacities to better deal with the issues, events and experiences that we will face in the future. In this way we are not only learning how to resolve issues from our past, but learning to receive and practice new and improved ways of dealing with issues in the rest of our future. At times in the future, I believe, that it will be useful to revisit the formal counselling environment, in order to reinforce and update the new methods, and also to acquire the benefit of updated counselling methods, styles and skills. I am progressively becoming aware of the abnormalities in my past and some of the dysfunctional ways by which I have previously dealt with events, experiences and issues in my life, those being all that I knew at any given time. This awareness opens the way for reception of information and improved skills that I can use in future.
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I agree with you, regarding your statement,
“Counselling is helpful no matter what your age, I think, as long as we are ready for the emotions to surface.”
Sometimes we need to push ourselves beyond our “normal” comfort zone, in order to challenge our long held and practised methods of perceiving and resolving issues. If we rest in the present, applying only the older ways of thinking, we are unlikely to make any progress in acquiring, developing and using new, better ways of living our lives.
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I hope that you will not be offended by my comments, in the next three paragraphs, regarding some of the ways that we use our language.
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The comment with regard to your friend's “disabled daughter”, caught my eye, as also, do such notices as , “Disabled Parking”, road signs saying, “log hauling trucks” and a school sign that says, “Beware of children”.
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I don't like to think of people being disabled, in a strict sense, meaning that they would be considered to be not functional in any way. I think that if parking is disabled, then it is not able to be used, which is a logical nonsense, unless something is already using the space. I also recognise that a sign saying, “Parking for People with disabilities” may be too cumbersome. Are there suitable alternatives? Also I've never seen a “log hauling trucks”, and I might wonder if the children are dangerous, being the reason we should “beware” of them. It may be (just) semantics and the way we use and sometimes, unconsciously, abuse the use of our language. In some, there is humour to be derived. But when it concerns people, that concerns me, and I would think, you and others also.
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To my way of thinking people have disabilities, in the range from sometimes minor, to very significant and serious, but that does not normally or always mean that those people are (totally) disabled or dysfunctional. The signs, “disabled parking” and “log-hauling trucks” make no sense when read literally. The words “beware of...” and “be aware of.....” have very different meanings. I hope that you would be aware, that for me, this is a serious issue about which I have significant concern. That concern is particularly evident when it has a negative effect and can even result in conscious or unconscious support for, and application of, discrimination, prejudice, bias, etc with regard to a person, or people, so described. It causes me concern when our use of language expresses a different meaning to that which we intend. And, in the case of your friend's daughter and other people with disabilities, it can mean that the disability can seem or be interpreted as absolute, as in “disabled person”, and thus diminish their worth as a person and not recognise that their disability is not normally absolute, but simply a part of who they are. I would think that most, if not all of us, has some sort and level of disability. Obviously, I am aware that your use of the term was the way it is most often used in our contemporary vernacular. I have caught myself when using such phrases, and try to avoid using, what I believe, are inappropriate references, particularly when used with regard to people, despite the common and widespread usages of such terminology. Unless we discuss these uses and meanings, we run the risk of our own use of language being interpreted in ways very different to what we had intended.
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It sounds like your psychologist is aware of the difficulties that you have in addressing various issues. The reference to, and inclusion of relaxation techniques, I think, will be useful on a day to day basis as well as use in connection to the reasons for counselling. I think that I have mentioned before that the counsellor with whom I speak, suggested, as I go through the process with her, that I am likely to have memories, recollections, reactions and responses that I have avoided actually recognising, acknowledging and feeling for quite some time, possibly never after certain events. Therefore, I am not surprised by your comment,
“......the previous few times left me with a lot of residual feelings and really feeling very unsettled for much of the following weeks.”
That sounds very much like what it was suggested that I be prepared for. In fact, that is what has happened for me. But, there is also a sense, almost of relief in the fact, that I am 'at last', or again attempting to address, not only my own sense of the original events and experiences, but also my un-developed, unguided, often maladaptive ways that I have used, with regard to dealing with the original events and experiences. But also, the fact that I have applied those same methods, styles and processes to other subsequent events and experiences, with often times, negative or less productive outcomes than those for which I would otherwise have desired, hoped or wished.
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As a side issue, I, like you, have had diminished and made light of, by both my father and brother, my experience of certain events, even though one was, or both were present and to a degree (young age, in the case of my brother) involved at the time. My brother has also reacted to other events at which he was not present, but was told another person's view of the situation, that he has accepted as true in every respect. He 'told' me the story, that was very different from my own recollection of the experience. He accompanied the story with judgemental inference against me and that it was I who was in the wrong. I have also been aware of his use of that same technique of diminishing and minimising the characteristics of subsequent events. So he, in his own way, has developed maladaptive and unbending ways of responding to life events, particularly those by which he has not been directly affected. In those that he has been affected, he is normally self-portrayed as the victim.
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I do believe that it would be helpful, as far as possible to not anticipate the topics of future sessions. Doing so may build up resistance to the effective discussion of issues and application of whatever methods and approaches that may be suggested by the counsellor.
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From your description of the sessions to date, it appears to me that your psychologist is aware that you are committed to undertaking the therapy in a full and meaningful manner. I would also believe, that the fact that your husband, having accompanied you to at least one session, further reinforces their awareness of the existence of that commitment by you. As we have discussed before, his support for you is, in this way, assured to them. The way that you have engaged in, and the varying responses that you have expressed, in your comments to me, appear to be very realistic and consistent.
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In our discussion, on Friday, my counsellor “demonstrated” the use of a technique for bringing clients back to the present, from which I may have appeared to separate myself, at the time. Dissociation, is not a word that I like very much, either because I have not understood it and its presence, or possibly, because I think that it is diminished in value through over-use. However, that was the word used by the counsellor, with regard to the “demonstration”. I think that, in some way, that it was a real application, rather than just a “demonstration”. I endeavour to be open, present and attentive during our discussions, however, I do believe that there are times that I have tended to mentally 'wander off', avoid or separate myself mentally from the “place where my body is”.
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It really surprises me that there are so many events that you and I each have in common. I have just recently had an email note that I am due for an eye check. I also want to purchase new glasses, partly for spare, in case of loss or breakage, and I want to get a pair of multi-focal glasses, mainly for driving at night. I already have prescription sunglasses for summer day-time driving.
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It is just past 4.30 pm, so I will close for now, Meg
With My best Wishes
@HenryX
