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Memories

Memories

When I was in high school I often didn't pack a lunch. Partly laziness, partly nothing much there to eat. I'd chuck a couple of apples in my bag and a can of soft drink (which cost 50c back then) and then not eat the apples because bleh. But they were there if I got too hungry.

I was friends with a girl back then and she started noticing I didn't ever bring much food with me. She started out pretending like she wasn't going to eat all her lunch and share hers with me. Eventually she started just packing extra snacks--fruit buns I recall--for me to have. Wednesday's she'd buy her lunch from the canteen and she'd get me a hot chicken wrap. She mothered me a lot back then. She didn't have to, I didn't ask, no one told her to, she was just a really good person.

I think of her often, and I feel very grateful to her. She was always very kind and caring. I remember I started calling her "Mum" as a "joke". But it wasn't really. She took good care of me like mother's are meant to.

It makes me ache to think back on it now.

@BlueBay @TAB @MDT @Appleblossom @Bow @Powderfinger @NatureLover

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In response to: Memories

Re: Memories

Sitting with you @saltandpepper hoping it helps a little 👀👂🙏

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Re: Memories

It feels like I've spent my life just trying to catch up, chasing my own tail. I try but nothing ever really gets done. I never get anywhere. I don't have the capacity for it. Never have. And it's overwhelming to know things are always going to be this hard. That as much as I try and get ahead on my good days it's never enough. Everything is always so hard. Little things. Big things. Everything. I wish I was stronger and more capable. I wish I didn't constantly torture myself with everything. It doesn't help. But I can't stop. It's consuming. I just feel broken. Beyond repair. This is all I can ever be. Like I'm trying to swim against a current, yeah I'm swimming, I'm just not getting anywhere. And how long can I last before it pulls me under?

But I'm just thinking here. It's just the end of a shitty week I guess. Just makes me think.

In response to: Re: Memories

Re: Memories

Still with you @saltandpepper , still listening my dear special friend 🙏👂👀💞

In response to: Re: Memories

Re: Memories

Thanks @Anastasia very grateful you're here

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Not leaving your side @saltandpepper 🙏

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@saltandpepper

In response to: Re: Memories

Re: Memories

@saltandpepper we are here for you.

I know what it's like to have the past impact so much...I wish we could just forget and start again as if it never happened. The constant battle of fighting off those demons that claw at our mind and heart, that tear us apart each moment and we are barely managing to keep it all together. To keep put head above the surface.

I see you, I hear you. The real you despite what parts of the past break you. It's possible for those pieces to be restored somewhat. We won't ever be the same but a better different. A better us with the brokenness and the cracks will make us more beautiful people. Perfection is overrated. we went through hell to get where we are and on the other side we'll look back at how far we've come and know those cracks let our light out to people around us and give them light to get through they're darkness. The cracks make us beautiful. Maybe not what society defines as beautiful but beautiful souls...

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Re: Memories

Soz about that rant...I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense @saltandpepper big hugs. You got this!!!!

In response to: Re: Memories

Re: Memories

Yes @The-red-centaur !!!!

So good to see you 🙏

You should both print those beautiful words out from @The-red-centaur and have them in view to reflect upon @saltandpepper

✔️🙌💪💞

In response to: Re: Memories

Re: Memories

@Anastasia those pictures 😭😭🤓😊 make me cry in a good way.
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