Memories

I hear you.

As long as we learn from our mistakes @saltandpepper, you're human. We all make them 🙂

It's the choice to own it and not make the same mistake again, make sense?

Lord knows I have made some doozies that I live with but sure a :pile_of_poo: won't be making again. Don't beat yourself up buddy 🤗

Nah not expensive it's putting little tiny diamond shaped beads on the corresponding colour. Eventually you get a finished three dimensional picture. Mines of a puppy and sunflowers 🌻

Its big so I think I'll frame it once I'm done ☺️

Ahkay sounds interesting @Anastasia and very fiddly. Where will you hang it once it's finished?

Yeah I don't know @Anastasia

I'm not sure @saltandpepper hadn't thought that far ahead. Probably in the entrance. I'll see it from lounge then. I do love sunflowers, I think of their "little faces" radiating happiness so it makes me feel happy. Now you probably think I'm a little crazy, probably rightfully so 😁😜

Yes it's fiddly, so means takes your mind of things, good "therapy" @Emelia8 does it too. In fact I learned of it here from members so I've now made about half a dozen. This one's my biggest yet. Its poster sized.

You got this @saltandpepper. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself. You can't change the past but you can choose to make better decisions for he future. Hugs and lots of love cause you're worth it 🙏❣️✔️🙌🌻

@saltandpepper 🙏❣️

Haha nah I like the sound of it @Anastasia I like plants and flowers and things too, just not very good at keeping them alive. Collected all those seedling things woolies did a while ago with my son. He's gotten me into it all. All our plants died of course but it was fun anyway haha

Yeah I can see that, would help keep your mind focused.

Yeah, I don't know. Think I'm just getting overwhelmed with everything. I don't know. Knew I shouldn't have had too much to drink last night, but I can never stop at 1. When I got in my car I just thought I didn't care if I made it home or not.

That would have been fun with you son @saltandpepper

I don't have a green thumb either, mind you I have kept a plant alive for 25 years! A happy plant that is surprising really considering the :pile_of_poo: that's gone down over the years.

Guess it's a reminder that it's not so bad and there are many waaaaaaay worse off than me.

Amazing really. Oh and my boys 🙏

Yeah I hear you about not caring, I've been there too but BIG picture S&P don't lose sight of it 🙏

My boys kept me going as I am certain yours will too.

Haha like it @Anastasia

Yeah. Just getting stuck on a loop here I think. Feels like I can never get it right. Like I'm never going to be capable of being or doing more than this. Just feel useless. Like a waste. Too fu*ked up to be any better than this.

Sorry @Anastasia just rambling really

@saltandpepper

👂👀🤗❣️

I'm just not sure the life in front of me holds a lot of importance or significance really. I don't think it will ever be more than this, coping, managing, existing.

I know I've been in a better headspace before, but it feels like so long ago now. And it was so brief. It just gets so tiring being in this constant battle with my head. My memories. I wish the past really was in the past. But it's not. The past and the present blur together into this trauma infested nightmare. One doesn't exist without the other. There's no freedom from it, no putting it behind me, no future me without past me. It's just a constant struggle. Every day. Every hour. Every minute. Nothing of importance ever gets achieved. There's no clear path, no definied goals, no way forward. Too damaged to create the future I wish I could have. Too consumed by the past to ever function properly in the present.