Exhausted by anxiety

I needed to get my thoughts out somehow, and so found this site. It's so crap, that myself and so many others still don't feel comfortable talking about how we are feeling. For fear of being judged or not understood.

I am exhausted from feeling fearful , paranoid , panicked, nervous and stressed. I'm 35, and and seem to feel this way almost all of the time. My self esteem is so incredibly low , I would say at this point it's non existent. Every word that comes out of my mouth I reflect on, cringe and feel awful about what I've said , convinced that everyone thinks, or in my mind "knows" that I'm an idiot. I have started a new job and although I've been in the industry for ten years I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. Burnt out. Scared of people. Feel I have absolutely nothing to contribute , feel that everyone is talking about me and don't want me there. I'm working with a new psychologist. It's new and I'm learning but I have seen so many and starting to think I can't change. I just can't shake the constant negative thoughts, can't relax, can't find a moment in life I can genuinely enjoy. I'm fed up with feeling so scared all the time for no real reason. Mental health problems are so real. I've tried to hide it in my adult life though because when I've exposed it, I have only felt judged and felt weak. I'm so scattered all the time I can sit there and watch a show for an hour , read a few pages of a book and then realize I have no idea what's happened or what it was all about. My memory is shot. I just can't seem to retain anything but this damn fear. I'm interested to hear if others have this problem. Thanks for reading 🌸