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The absolute horror that my life currently is.

The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia @Zoe7

I think this is the only thing that is going to really save me and barely. Writing. I don't know what to say anymore. I am blocking my thoughts and feelings because I cant deal with them. I want to scream at her and say can you not just be a little bit more sensitive and shut your door while you are packing more and taping up your boxes! When I think of saying that to her, my immediate afterthought is no point, she will not care anyway. There will be no sorry nor recognition of what I am feeling. Then the very next thing that will happen is I get a flashback of a beautiful memory of us together, I see it playing out in front of me like a home movie. After all that happening in less than two minutes, I just want to scream. I want it to stop. I want my pain to go away. There is nowehere and no one for me to turn to and I have to keep going when I feel like this. That is very literally how it is for me.

Going through the formalities via text today, not talking as usual. Signing over the lease, the bond variation form, sorting out things we bought together, placing an ad for a new housemate, all while I am feeling like absolute sh....t.

She came to me this morning and said to me there is a bird outside that cant fly... I just went hmmmm and said nothing. Usually I would be the first to help an animal if it was not doing too good. I sat where I sat and did not move. Afetr she said that I started to cry, I could not hold my tears back. In my head I said to msyelf, well there is a bird in her that cant fly either. I wish I could leave for two weeks while she sorts herself out and moves out. I do not want to feel like this every single day. It is making things worse and harder for me.

Yet, it's like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from and escape. I cannot leave. I have to show people through the house, interview people as potential housemates, and be here, when I really do not want to be. I am struggling to get my head and heart around someone you were sharing your life with being like this towards someone they apparently loved. The words ring through my head often. I cannot imagine my life without you, these arms were made for you to be held in them, the hours and hours we spoke for about going travelling overseas together, buying a house together, the life we shared.

Hey, I know I was being treated like crap. How could I ever forget. I know I do not deserve to be treated like that. I have some self respect for me. BUT and there is a BUT when you spend time with the person you love, creating a life together and there was a time when you truly felt loved by them, the memories you have of your time together, the way you met and so on, well yeah it hurts badly. It would have been easier to let go if I was abused and not loved the whole time, but it wasn't the case. I am struggling to eat. My tummy grumbles at me but the thought of food and trying to eat is just not something I am interested in. I am struggling to get up and move, do things. I just plonk on the couch and either stare into space or cry.

The thing is people do not want to hear much about pain at all. People cannot seem to manage someone crying or talking about their pain. So, I shut down even further because I cannot be full of beans and happy. Firstly I would be lying and second I could not keep that up for long. Its just wearing a mask. I think to myself I thoughts our bind was strong, I thought our love would be strong enough to see us through hard times, I thought my love would be strong enough for you to stay, to work things out, to do better. All I am seeing now is the fact that she cannot wait to leave and start her new life on her own. I say nothing. It is hard enough imaginging our lives even further apart now. Its a small town. Will probably bump into her one day, but I will hope to be not having that happen often. It will just be too hard. I will not be texting her or calling her when has left. Anything that needed to be spoken about has been. Outstanding debts which are not a great amount. They have been sorted how they will be paid without us even having to speak. So, really there is no reason for contact. It is me that has to break the ties I have left to her. Breaking the love I feel is the hardest tie to break. I know that for me it would be unhealthy to kepp trying and I know there is not really any point. Grief will do these things. The bargaining for you. This is how i feel if anyone cares to hear my pain.

140 replies

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In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Hehehe @Zoe7 and I were writing in unison to you @Powderfinger xox

In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Powderfinger no need to be sorry, and I completely understand 🙂 hope your days have been getting easier 😊

In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Peri

Thank you. Even in my terrible state I realised that perhaps you didnt understand the full story of what was going on for me. I took no offence to anything you wrote. I went to the my workshed because I wanted to be away from her. I did lseep in ther for three or four nights but then came back into the house as I couldnt cope with the fumes anymore. I have been in the house since then. There has been battles and this has been/is damn hard to go through. I also have not bee very present throughout these posts and this thread. I went back and read the entire thread today.

I appreciate that you reached out and gave support.

Powderfinger


In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Hey @Zoe7

I honestly thought about it quite a few times if I could push myself to stay while she is leaving and every time it was no, so I am definitely not going to be here. Yes, I like Peter a lot. I will not say love but like a lot. Love is pain, liking someone comes at not as much a cost. In saying that I would help him out in a heartbeat if there was an issue and I knew I oucld assist in helping him.

I am not sure if I am being very clear? Perhaps not. It is not just about the grief. Its the abuse too @Zoe7 The gaslighting. To make someone question themselves because you do trust the person you love and want to believe them when they say it is not how you think it happened. The only way I knew for sure it happened and got said is because I wrote it here before I was gaslighted. All to often it gets glossed over. For the person on the receiving end it is horrible to be gaslighted and to question your sanity. Add to a mind that is already a mess, tired, confused and well double the stress and confusion. She said it and then made me fell stupid for thinking it when I bought it up.

That is one of the reasons I do not want to be here when she leaves and I will be blocking her number, having no contact. She can just go. Ive already been trhough a year of denial, and so much incredible pain. Talking about this and having it all denied again is a huge risk for me.

As for your comment about insight and understanding, it is a wonderful compliment. Thanks. I am talking about my most inner feelings though too of major confusion. It's super hard to validate my own experience at the moment. Its super hard to be in the same house with someone like this. It's super hard to live in a house with someone that ignores you completely. It's super hard to not want to scream at her and tell her I hate her for everything she has done. A lot of women and men do not talk about the abuse. They do not talk about anything when it comes to that for so many reasons. It is also hard when it is not just a failed relationship because at the end of the day you were not suited to each other, not in love anymore, or whatever other reasons but because it was highly toxic and abusive. It is ever so hard to reconcile the fine line between love and abuse that cam be formed with an abuser.

I hope you can hear that.

Love Powderfinger. xx

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Powderfinger I do know it is more than grief and is so much to do with the ongoing abuse you have suffered - making you question everything about what you thought/think - not just about the relationship but about yourself as well. Her disputing conversations and making you question yourself as a result is confusing but another way she is playing games with you.

I know very well that line between love and hate with an abuser, the questioning of everything as well as the sudden end of that relationship with no further contact at all. I was lucky to survive and even luckier that he never came back - so I do very well get what you are talking about.

In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia

I apprceiate you telling me how you feel about me. It does not go unheard. I just cannot connect with it at the moment with how I feel inside of myself. I have let Peter in to an extent, but I am still on the backfoot sometimes. It is a huge deal for me going to stay with him for two days and he is also has another male living with him, so yes it is scary for me.

I still do not know why I am scared? Its hard when you are still very confused and hurting to try get to the bottom of feelings. Being on my own does not scare me in the least, living alone I mean. I feel like I have been doing that anyway with not being acknowledged or spoken to. That just doesnt scare me.

I do not know what is behind the guilt. I guess when someone already feels bad about themselves in so many ways you add more on. I just do not know. I find it quite shocking how I spent a year with a person who has done everyhting she has done and even more so recently. Its like a stranger living in my house but I was on a relationship with this person. That is extremely confusing and of course it does things to the mind.

I do not know what the sadness is about, it is there. I do not know what a lot of things are about really. I am just trying to get through the next few days and I do not like how I feel inside. I know I do not want to be here anymore.

I appreciate you giving me food for thought and examples of your life. I will be honest and say that I cannot disect it and think about it. Not at this point. I am under major stress and distress. I have no more get up and go in me.

Im about to reply to Zoe, I am going to tag you in it. I just found otu some news i am not happy about.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Zoe7 I am sorry you know this and have known this in your life. This is absolutely not something I would wish on anyone ever. If ever anyone is to be handed hell in a handbasket this would be it.

@Anastasia this is what I said I would include you in.

I just found otu half an hour ago that my landlord is holding my exes bond until I have paid the new bond. I have paid 1080 of it and it was the best I could do at short notice. I came up with a plan to make the outstanding payment of $520 to him and asked him if it was OK. I had nothing to do with the refund of her bond with him. She paid the entire bond when we moved in here. It was fine then, we were together. So he has notified me that he is holding her bond until I have paid the entire $1600. I feel so angry with my landlord and her. First of all, he think I am made of money like him, second of all she has not told me this news at any time, third of all now I definitely know she gas lighted me when she said she paid her bond and two weeks rent in advanace already and then denied she said it.

So, now in some ways she still has control over me with this and I cannot find $520 in a hurry. This has knocked me right back down again. I am feeling very angry right now. Another situation out of my control.


In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

I understand @Powderfinger

Putting it here means you can re visit it when you like, IF you like 🤗💞💗

@Zoe7 🤗🙏❤️

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Hey @Powderfinger, just wanted to check in with you, especially if you're feeling like you don't want to be here anymore. I know you're pretty good at reaching out when you need to so I hope you've been able to get some extra support. Know that we're here with you during this difficult time

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Thanks @Jynx

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