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Something’s not right

The absolute horror that my life currently is.

The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia @Zoe7

I think this is the only thing that is going to really save me and barely. Writing. I don't know what to say anymore. I am blocking my thoughts and feelings because I cant deal with them. I want to scream at her and say can you not just be a little bit more sensitive and shut your door while you are packing more and taping up your boxes! When I think of saying that to her, my immediate afterthought is no point, she will not care anyway. There will be no sorry nor recognition of what I am feeling. Then the very next thing that will happen is I get a flashback of a beautiful memory of us together, I see it playing out in front of me like a home movie. After all that happening in less than two minutes, I just want to scream. I want it to stop. I want my pain to go away. There is nowehere and no one for me to turn to and I have to keep going when I feel like this. That is very literally how it is for me.

Going through the formalities via text today, not talking as usual. Signing over the lease, the bond variation form, sorting out things we bought together, placing an ad for a new housemate, all while I am feeling like absolute sh....t.

She came to me this morning and said to me there is a bird outside that cant fly... I just went hmmmm and said nothing. Usually I would be the first to help an animal if it was not doing too good. I sat where I sat and did not move. Afetr she said that I started to cry, I could not hold my tears back. In my head I said to msyelf, well there is a bird in her that cant fly either. I wish I could leave for two weeks while she sorts herself out and moves out. I do not want to feel like this every single day. It is making things worse and harder for me.

Yet, it's like a nightmare that you cannot wake up from and escape. I cannot leave. I have to show people through the house, interview people as potential housemates, and be here, when I really do not want to be. I am struggling to get my head and heart around someone you were sharing your life with being like this towards someone they apparently loved. The words ring through my head often. I cannot imagine my life without you, these arms were made for you to be held in them, the hours and hours we spoke for about going travelling overseas together, buying a house together, the life we shared.

Hey, I know I was being treated like crap. How could I ever forget. I know I do not deserve to be treated like that. I have some self respect for me. BUT and there is a BUT when you spend time with the person you love, creating a life together and there was a time when you truly felt loved by them, the memories you have of your time together, the way you met and so on, well yeah it hurts badly. It would have been easier to let go if I was abused and not loved the whole time, but it wasn't the case. I am struggling to eat. My tummy grumbles at me but the thought of food and trying to eat is just not something I am interested in. I am struggling to get up and move, do things. I just plonk on the couch and either stare into space or cry.

The thing is people do not want to hear much about pain at all. People cannot seem to manage someone crying or talking about their pain. So, I shut down even further because I cannot be full of beans and happy. Firstly I would be lying and second I could not keep that up for long. Its just wearing a mask. I think to myself I thoughts our bind was strong, I thought our love would be strong enough to see us through hard times, I thought my love would be strong enough for you to stay, to work things out, to do better. All I am seeing now is the fact that she cannot wait to leave and start her new life on her own. I say nothing. It is hard enough imaginging our lives even further apart now. Its a small town. Will probably bump into her one day, but I will hope to be not having that happen often. It will just be too hard. I will not be texting her or calling her when has left. Anything that needed to be spoken about has been. Outstanding debts which are not a great amount. They have been sorted how they will be paid without us even having to speak. So, really there is no reason for contact. It is me that has to break the ties I have left to her. Breaking the love I feel is the hardest tie to break. I know that for me it would be unhealthy to kepp trying and I know there is not really any point. Grief will do these things. The bargaining for you. This is how i feel if anyone cares to hear my pain.

140 replies

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In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Powderfinger That is really good news. It will give you both the space and company you need to get through those couple of days.

In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia

Music is really good for the soul. Yes, my friend Peter is a nice guy. It's been really challenging for me because I have a hard time around men due to sexusl abuse. Add to my current issues with no trust and very vulnerable I can say that I am still scared.

Men can't seem to keep their hands to themselves. I do not like men for that reason.

To be perfectly clear and honest I'm a right mess. My head specifically is so messed up. It's hard to make sense of a lot of things. I cannot take anymore of being ignored.

I also think I'm in a lot of shock still. It's getting harder and harder to stay motivated bated everyday.

I can't think positively as much as I'd like to. I try ignore her as much as possible.

She does things around here like I don't exist. Like there is no thought for me and the fact that I'm struggling. No sensitivity to that.

It's also hard when someone shuts down your voice in.a variety of ways. I really did give up trying to initiate any conversations about anything. Now I find it really hard to speak after weeks of doing this and prior to all this happening, there were periods where my voice was shut down. I don't look at her even buy when I do, I think she is a complete stranger to me.

Pretty much like the whole year we were thinking Heather never even happened. That's how she behaves. Like things are done and dusted and she is ready to move on and create the new life I apparently stuffed up for her.

There's no thank yous. Just stone cold silence. So, when I leave, all I'm doing us leaving a sticky note on the bench to say leave your keys on the bench.

I'm not obligated to tell her I'm going away, where I'm going nor when I will be back. No obligation at all.

I will block her number as soon as I leave. I do not want to hear from her at all.

I'm still unsure if I should go to my friends. I'm in such a bad space that I am so up and down. I could be OK and then spiral into a massive downer.

I've also got the option to go camping. My friend will lend me her tent.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Thanks @Zoe7

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia

Though, yes you are right. Peter is a god send to me. I am so blessed to have him in my life. He just seems to understand me. He is the most giving and kind person I have met in a while now. I would do anything for him. Sadly, I haven't been able to in my position.

I'm.still learning to take without anything me wanting anything back. It's hard not to feel incredibly bad and useless. I think it comes from my early childhood abuse. I'm not sure but it's there. Add the abusive relationship I've just come out of and my head/heart being an absolute warzone.

In saying all this, I've done well to build strong support and make some very good friendships here in my town. My town is all about community and helping community. I'm glad I listened to my gut when I knew I wanted to live here. I love my town and the people. Not to mention it's very beautiful.

Anyhow I am going to my friends house on Thursday and will be coming home on Saturday.

I am having difficulty understanding why I'm.scared. It's very hard to get that insight. I'm also Burt Ng in my heart.

As mentioned earlier I am just going to leave a post it note asking her to leave the keys and block her number when I leave on Thursday.

There is a part of me that feels sad and guilty. I feel sad cause it's a missed opportunity for us not to talk and I feel guilty because it's not a nice thing to do to someone you once loved. I know my thinking is faulty after all she has done. Perhaps both you and @Zoe7 can help me through this part. Insight and a different understanding?

I really do not want to feel guilty. The sadness I cannot help. It's very hard when someone has shown you so many different sides to themselves that you actually don't know who they are.

I know I've got some upcoming bard times from now into the next few weeks. I'm doing my best in my state. I'm finding it very hard to hold myself together and to keep the years at bay. If I let go, zi know I'm not going to have the strength to pull myself back together.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

I hear you. I will come back when I can respond properly @Powderfinger x

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@Anastasia

That's ok. Just when you are able.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Dear @Powderfinger ,

i admire how you are getting through this and have a plan for a few days I am glad you have a friend to go to.

I am sorry if I offended you and you felt that I was telling you what to do. It was not my intention, I was just trying to respond to some of the hints you said and I see that was not what you needed at that time.

you are showing remarkable personal insight and resilience. This week shall pass, and you can make your home yours .

my thoughts are with you as you go through this distressing time

peri

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Hey @Powderfinger I think what you have planned to get through this week (and especially Thurs/Fri) is very wise. Getting away and staying with a friend to help you out is a great idea. I feel this friend is much like the one I lost - and that makes me happy for you. When we find that kind heart, care and confidence in someone it is so worth holding onto - add that there are no expectations and he understands you makes it a very good friendship to have.

I cannot speak for @Anastasia but I bet like me she is all too happy to be here to help you through this. It of course is not going to be easy - no grieving is but you have already begun to take steps to move forward and that is positive.

As for 'insight and understanding' - you already have both of those and have showed here in your writing so far just how proficient you are in working through this yourself - we are listening and will continue to do so if that helps you to get through all this

In response to: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

@26aqua I am sorry I did not see you post apologising and saying you felt red faced. It is ok, I am sure there was so much you needed to get out and if posting here on this thread was what made you realise, that is Ok. I do hope you get and have gotten more support for you. I was truly just not in any position to be able to support you and your post. If I was I would have responded in more length.

In response to: Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Re: The absolute horror that my life currently is.

Hello lovely @Powderfinger

I must admit I recall your history and I was surprised to hear that you have bonded with him, but beyond pleased to hear as not all men are bad so again this just instills in my mind just what a blo0dy resilient and incredible soul that you are to allow your heart to open to a friendship with him. I have so much admiration for you and I believe from the bottom of the depths of my soul that in time you will be able to look back on the sh*tty existance and be the warrior that you are destined to be. I hope that's not too much? I am not trying to "p*$$ in your pocket, It's how I feel about you, a warrior queen destined for greatness, just for reasons beyond your control it hasn't happened...YET!

You said you are having difficulty understanding why you are scared..is it the unknown?

The unknown terrifies me. I overthink everything and have scenarios mapped out ten times over in my head before it's even left the ground.

Is it being on your own? Can that be worse than what it is now? I don't think so, but I think you know that, still scary though, I do get it and I hear you. I think you have plenty of reasons, perhaps even just change. Change is very unsettling.

You talk guilt...oh I am hearing you here. I have had countless sessions with my pdoc around guilt She says its such a wasted emotion. Doesn't help move forward, doesn't change things. So I do my best when my boy is struggling not to blame myself and feel guilty for shortfalls in my parenting caused from short falls in my parents parenting and so on down the line. I just do my best not to make the same mistakes twice, that is my redemption in my mind anyway. It keeps me from falling down the rabbit hole. Maybe that gives you something to think about? I hope so?

I get the sadness - perhaps the missed opportunity I hear you I do. It is sad, two people once head over heeels in love, you are allowed to feel sad, and you will, probably for some time. But please speak kindly to yourself whilst working your way through the sadness and other emotions and please don't place the blame on yourself. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be...

I maried the absolute love of my life (so I thought) oh what a mistake that was 😞

I hope I have given you some food for thought. I know I have given you some of my story in each case - it is purely as food for thought so you can disect it and take from it any helpful insight and discard what's not. I am far from wise, I just have had my fairshare of bad relationships and undertsand what a broken heart feels like.

Holding your hand and walking with you, ready to support you should your knees wobble my friend as is the dear @Zoe7.

Love and hugs always xox

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