Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

My daughter attempted suicide

Unknown userMember20 Aug 2016, 8:52 pm AEST

My daughter attempted suicide

I have just returned from my local hospital after watching my daughter having four seizures and nearly losing her life due to taking too many anti depressants. We found out that she had been treated abusively by her boyfriend, recently had a miscarriage and he left her for dead. It pushed her over the edge.
The doctors told us it's a miracle she is alive due to the huge amount of drugs she took. Each seizure she went blue and frothed of the mouth. Traumatising to watch to say the least - I really thought I lost her. The doctors have detained (scheduled) her under the mental health ward of the hospital under the mental health act. Now hopefully it will give her the time and proper help to heal. The staff, nurses and doctors have been wonderful and compassionate.
My daughter hugged me as I left this evening saying sorry for what she put me through.
I would like to say to anyone who suffers low self esteem and is in a abusive relationship to never put up with it. You deserve better and no one is worth harming yourself over.
I think I am still in shock but must pull myself together to support my daughter through this. A mammoth task. Any moral support right now or advice from anyone else who has suffered similarly or not would be appreciated. If I could have but one wish in my life right now it would be to see my daughter heal, whole within herself, happy and loved. That's all I want in this life now.

72 replies

31 - 40 of 72

1...3 4 5...8

In response to: My daughter attempted suicide

utopiaSenior Contributor24 Aug 2016, 6:35 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

@Former-Member. I'm glad you got clarification from her doctor today re her diagnosis. It's a place to start.
He gave great advice regarding private health insurance. I worked in the public mental health sector & it's not great. I'm lucky I got togo private tthrough WorkCover.
I don't have an understanding of this disorder, but I really liked @Former-Member advice re finding a therapist who is experienced in using different therapies. As unfortunately, one size does not fit all.
I wish your daughter all the best with her future treatment. And I hope that you and your family are able to have some peace of mind soon.
Sending my love

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2016, 4:22 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

Hello @utopia@Former-Member and everyone,

Sorry for the late reply - I have only had a chance now to post. I can see what you mean about DBT @Former-Member - I feel a psychologist who specialises in the field of Personality disorders would possibly benefit my daughter the most. And yes @utopia, there is no help at all through the public system - she would have to join a private fund. I feel for those who are financially struggling - their lives could be lost because of an underfunded public mental health system. Are the government really serious about preventing suicide - I have to wonder.

But another dilemma has struck which I would appreciate feedback on. My daughter does have a extra sensitive nature to pain which is her diagnosis and a distorted self image (low self esteem), but the boyfriends abuse pushed her overtheedge. The concerning part now of her recovery is she "went straight back to him". Even though everyone advised against this and she agreed not to. She did not waste a minute in running back. So he is laughing, she is empowering his abuse and she could suicide again. How do I get through to her? @pip

I can give her all the love, advice and support - she can have all the therapy in the world, but if she keeps going back to be abused I feel none of this will help. My husband is devastated at her going back to him - angry at the boyfriend as he knows the harm he is doing. We can't deal with a sociopath or wish to have anything to do with the creep. We can't protect our daughter from this either as she won't listen. What can we do?

In response to: My daughter attempted suicide

utopiaSenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 5:02 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

@Former-Member. I'm so sorry your daughter returned to her abusive boyfriend/creep. It's so hard watching someone you love being sucked into his life. You feel powerless. I've witnessed this myself.
Try and keep contact with her as much as you can. Don't let him keep her away from you or treatment. Try not to put him down in front of her - she may just dig her heals in more. Just keep letting her know how much you all love b er (he'll most likely be telling her the opposite).
Even though she is discharged, can you speak to the doctor who treated her in hospital?
if you so much as believe he is hitting her, call the police at the time. Could you ask one of her neighbour's to keep an ear out & if they hear violence to ph the police. In Victoria - I hope it's the same in NSW - even if the partner doesn't want to press charges, the police MUST charge him & remove him from the premises.
I hope @pip has the advice you need.
I wish I had the answer. Bur I don't.
I am sending you and your family all my love

In response to: My daughter attempted suicide

etherial2Contributor26 Aug 2016, 5:03 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

😞 not gonna end good, very sad

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

pipSenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 5:32 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

@Former-Member Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to break the hold he has over your daughter. She is the only one who can do anything. All I can suggest is that you be there for her. When someone is constantly a victim, the abuse, both physical and emotional can be so overpowering, the victim starts believing everything they're told by the abuser. She will complain bitterly, to you and anyone else who listens. She will even keep threatening to leave him, he will then turn on the 'waterworks', beg her to stay, promise faithfully to 'change'. He needs her more than she needs him. He has a huge emotional problem and she thinks she can help him. Her low self esteem coupled with his emotional need to keep her his, makes breaking away almost 'mission impossible'. Just continue to be there as much as possible. Nothing you can do will change her, she has to be the one to make the effort herself and the only way she is going to do this is by realizing herself that she can do better. You are in a no-win situation here, and fighting her to leave him will make her dig her heels in. It's also possible he has her believing she can't make a life for herself without him. Let her know your door is always open for her, let her know she can ring the police if he hits her. Give her all the information you have about domestic violence and just let her know, help is there when she needs it. I am so sorry for you and her, I'm hoping she will find the strength to make the break, but only she can do it.

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2016, 5:43 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

It's a tragic situation @etherial2. I am tired of enduring them.

@utopia @pip - sorry I didn't explain the situation very clearly. My daughter does not live with her abuser - that would be way too inconvenient for him!! She lives with us and has a beautiful home, loving parents and no financial difficulties. She has a safe environment. That is what makes no sense to why she is acting as she is. It seems to have stemmed from past sexual abuse - but she goes back to those who abuse her as such.

My daughter is very emotionally unwell to the point of self destruction. My daughter is running back to the boyfriend at his home!! We thought she would of learned from how he has treated her and the fact she nearly lost her life. But she still believes it's love. This truly is a case of "fatal attraction" - and what we are dealing with.

It's like an addiction - her self esteem is very low. She seems to believe they are inlove with each other and that he will committ in time. This is after he told her that she had no right to say he could not have another woman in his bed!! That pain is what made her attempt suicide. And she keeps going back for more abuse. This may be part of the personality disorder she has. We can't get through and don't know how to protect her - how to I still in her that she deserves better and is a person of worth. To get through to her that this is not love and she is better of alone at the moment - to focus on getting well. She should never of been let out of the mental health unit.

I am sorry I let my anger slip calling him a creep - but he is enjoying the power trip while our lives are being destroyed. You are right - putting him down is not the answer. So I don't do this. But I do emphasis to my daughter that he is using her and that this is not love. Just the opposite. As she has no insight. I don't know what else to do presently.

I have her medication in a safe and am administering it to her. But there are others means of self destruction and I feel we are just sitting here and waiting for the next attempt. Which she may succeed. It's hell. But my hope and faith won't let me give up on her - not just yet. But what do loved ones do when there mentally ill family members are acting recklessly and dangerously? Thank you for your support, it helps - this is a hard one xxxxx

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

pipSenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 7:26 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

@Former-Member. I do beg your pardon, I misunderstood you. It still seems to be that she believes herself to be in the wrong, that he can have another woman and she is not allowed to question. He has brainwashed her to the point where she believes she is 'lucky' to have anyone love her. He sort of sounds narcissistic, People who suffer from narcissism believe themselves to be perfect. They will 'drum' into anyone who listens (including their family) that they love their family and just want the best. Do you know his family, is there a way you could contact them? I don't suppose they could or would help, but they may have no idea what he's doing. You could also try talking to your Dr again. let him/her know the strain you're still under with not knowing whether she will attempt again. It's also pointless trying to 'open' her eyes as to his true character. Unfortunately, there's none so blind as those who will not/can not see. Sorry to say this, but until your daughter removes her 'rose coloured' glasses, there's not a lot you can do. Try to keep her busy, give her some hobbies, does she have any? Talk to her (about him, if she wants to). Talk to her about herself and her interests. Try to build her confidence, remind her what she used to be like. Between you and her father show her LOVE. Let her see how true love works between mature, honest, loving, caring parents. Also show her the respect you and her father have for each other, and her.

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

AppleblossomSenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 7:47 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

@Former-Member

The only way I can think of is to adopt a "holding position" of being available and loving but non controlling... but it is obvious you already know that. So this is just dialoguing ... to be in touch ... sorry I cant offer anything more .. Being on suicide watch is no laughing matter ...and takes a toll over time .. so do take care of yourself too.

The battered wives syndrome was explored 50 years ago and even as I was continually putting myself in harm's way and then battering self (after ex set up kids in opposition to me and prevented me gaining any comfort or security in anything .. as soon as something was done .. he would find something to humiliate me about ... pull the fridge out and show the kids ... that I had not cleaned behind it ... though may have been paintint furniture all day) ... I had no idea I had any option ... and maybe I did not have much given the 2 family systems that I was caught between.

Sometimes "too much is made of the need for suffering" ... that was the way I was brought up ... with disastrous consequences ... maybe I erred too much on the legitimate pleasures side ..

sometimes we need to stretch and grow and take criticism ... but not till we break.

All I can say is ... @Former-Member you are doing the right thing .. in keeping open a discussion with her about the nature of love and her decisions and life possibilities. The next generation has different challenges to ours ... how they construct "love" and work towards a good and sustainable life ... is up to them ... our parents' generation's conceptions of the same thing was different too.

I am thinking of you both ...

Apple

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

Unknown userMember26 Aug 2016, 7:48 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

Hello dear @pip

Thank you for your on-going support. My daughter does believe she is in the wrong. And her boyfriend is saying this to her. He has sociopathic traits. I have asked him to leave her alone as he is doing damage - no one can tell him as he believes himself superior. All of my daughters friends told her they never liked him because he had "no empathy". And that is coming from young people barely out of their teenage years who are no angels themselves. So he must be quite a number.

I just wish my daughter had the self esteem and strength to tell him to go away. I never had great confidence when young but if I was treated that bad I would of become mad at them. I would of left (and I am a survivor of child abuse). So I just don't understand.

I said to her that what I really wanted for her is a love that myself and her father share. She witnesses this everyday but thinks she can get this with her current partner - even though he acts the opposite towards her. We respect her but not the choice she has made with this man because we know how it will end.

i will go to the doctor as you have advised. The strain is starting to show with my husband and I am afraid this will bring his prostate cancer out of remission once again (he has three monthly injections of mild chemotherapy - 19 yrs ago he was given 18 mths to live). He beat that but stress is a killer. So I am looking at losing my whole family they are all I have left. But I can't crumble as they need me. Today I am strong but tomorrow I can only hope to be. I am not a stranger to trauma but it never gets easy. It's nice to just have someone to talk to - thank you pip and everyone on here for your advise.

I agree wholeheartedly to keep loving her - but should I try and emotionally distance? This seems to be happening to me today - a defence mechanism? I learnt to do that when abused as a child - I wish my daughter could do it as it saved me. If she had suicided though I know that I would not have returned from that. I don't know how anyone could. Warm hugs xxx

In response to: Re: My daughter attempted suicide

pipSenior Contributor26 Aug 2016, 8:08 pm AEST

Re: My daughter attempted suicide

@Former-Member. Your daughter's bf sounds definitely narcissistic. The superior attitude, the lack of empathy. He honestly believes he is right and just to treat her the way he does. She belongs to him, she is his property. Does your daughter know you are a survivor (I am too, just as a matter of interest). You may have to get a bit emotionally brutal, and tell her that abuse whether physical or emotional is not acceptable. Ask her to tell you if she knows the difference between what you and her father share as opposed to how she and this bf live. Tell her if her dad treated you the way her bf treats her, you two would've parted before she was born. As I said you may have to get a bit brutal with her. Sometimes 'tough love' is the only way. It's not good telling her he is not liked by her friends or you, that will push her back to him to 'protect' him. Show her respect and tell her that's love. Ask her if she knows what love is? Get her to tell you herself and don't be afraid to let her know where and why she's wrong in her beliefs. let me know how you go. I'm quite worried as I've been in abusive relationships and my eyes are well and truly wide open..

31 - 40 of 72

1...3 4 5...8