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A Friend in Need,,,,

A Friend in Need,,,,

I closed my poetry thread, no more poetry here.
I wasn't going to post either, but I feel the need to express this somehow or die a tiny bit more inside.
I'm guessing both will happen, regardless.

Today I lost a friend. Not to death but to human nature.
Or rather, as the quote goes:

"I didn't lose a friend. I just realised I never had one"

To me this is worse. Sadly I judge others by my own standards,and I give loyalty and honesty and trust beyond what is sensible.
Even less sensible, is the expectation that it will be returned in like.

In recent years I have come to realise that to .... every single friend really, I am not a friend, I am a convenience.
They only talk to me etc when they are bored and all their 'real friends' are busy.
They only respond to my messages or requests for help ( eg. Assistance moving house), in a similar way. As long as it doesn't inconvenience them or cost them anything.

This is how the world works. I know that.
People prioritise, and I rank low, if at all, on their list.
And that would be fine. Except for the fact that I have always dropped everything I'm doing to help each and every one of them.
I have given friends my last dollar and gone hungry.
I do these things repeatly, and almost always to my own detriment or inconvenience.

I recently failed a house inspection because I was busy working dawn till dusk helping a friend (of over ten years), prepare for theirs.
Their reaction when they found out? They abused me, said I was stupid, and a freak. That nobody does that. They said a lot worse before they terminated our friendship forever.
Because I helped them, instead of helping myself.
Without expectation of reward or returned favour beyond what standard friendship brings.

But I do do that. I will always do that, and I don't apologise for it.

I suppose it's foolish of me to think these things make our friendship stronger, that I might get what I give if I am ever in need. I guess I live In Wonderland after all.

But I feel sad that people often recognise that, and take advantage.
I thought this friend was different, but the truth always come out in the end.

As Friedrich Nietzsche said :

"I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on, I can't believe you."

In a way, I lost multiple friends. The friend I thought I had, the friend I could have had, and the friend I will never have.

It always surprises me that no matter how completely empty I feel inside and think I am, someone manages to find something new to tear out.

And people wonder why I prefer to be alone.

73 replies

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In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

It was good to get you know you better on this thread. @Former-Member

Even if it was uncomfortable and prickly ... I have never "believed in scorched earth policy" ... and have a lot of ability to bite my tongue ... yet when I blow which lately is only every 5-6 years ... ya dont wanna to be too close ... so I guess I can do scorched earth policy ..

I also did spend a lot of time cleaning those floors and snozzes and bums ... which gives perspectives on human dilemnas .. but even that has come to stand still ...

some people think that we are only being authentic when we blow .. but that is not true .. and just feeds the larriken or pot stirring mentality ... I was so passive ... just get along with all comers ... in the end I turned my back on that world which wasnt really evil ... just lots of young people charging around confused without direction ...

I went for books ... and dont regret most of decisions as a kid and as a growing up person.

I remember my blue haired punk friend from when I was 18 ... who was so proud to introduce me to lots of cool rock and rollers .. I was uncool and into classical ... but then she was very proper and snooty about other things ... told me off about dope ... so so so so many contradictions in everybody ..

I like the diversity of your friends .. I have been lucky that way too.

if we agree on a bit ... that is enough for me ...

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Thanks @Appleblossom

For the likes and the posts.

I may have misrepresented my scorched earth policy. It's not usually for my benefit. It's to protect others from my toxicicity. I burn everything down, so I can't go back.

I rapid cycle. The text book definition of that, is to cycle four times a year or more, or something like that.

I'm cycling four times...a day. Every day,.

And night.

Because I don't sleep.

Usually when people say that, they mean they have trouble sleeping or keep odd hours etc,

I really, actually, don't sleep. Unless you count passing out after 120+ hours awake, Inwhich case, ok, I do sleep. But I don't feel unconsciousness is really sleep. Then I wake up after 8-10 hours, and stay awake for another 120 or so. Rinse and repeat,

It wears me down, physically, and very much mentally.

And sometimes, lately more often than I like, I don't have the energy to maintain my calm.

I know, I should stay off the forum at those times, but I don't usually realise I'm like that until after I find myself getting upset.

So for about three hours I might be up, and everything is great. 10 minutes later, I bottom out and hate everything for four hours, then up again, then down, up, down, etc.

Now you and others might have a bit more of an idea why I'm completely f*cked up and insane most of the time.

Or at least I'm on the way there.

Probably oversharing, which means my energy is low.

Time to go for now.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

I'll hazard a guess that many people will doubt I stay up that long.

I'm not allowed to name specific chemical or brand names, but part of my medication consists of two different amphetamines. Simultaneously. Every 4 hours or so.

So yeah, I can't sleep even when I want to, even with sleeping drugs.

So when people seem to suggest I'm a bit tetchy or bitchy, well, folks you have yourself a sleep deprived, super rapid cycling bipolar who is often suffering amphetamine withdrawals.

So if you think you have seen me tetchy, Hahaha, ,ahhh, OMG. The things I have to stop myself doing and saying...

And of anyone thinks it sounds great. No.it really isn't. It's a permanently awake living nightmare hell. And it destroys you slowly.

I'm not trying to make excuses or sook. Just explain.

If I'm a little bit terse with my language, I hope ppl might understand more now that it's mostly likely not really them I'm being reactive and quasi-aggressive towards, they just happen to unfortunately be the closest target at that time.

And appreciate that the forum software won't let me post most of the words I usually type 😛

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Sounds like an awful cocktail @Former-Member

I am not doing that much sleeping either ...4-6 hours ... but at least I am not battling me about it anymore... that is a BIG benefit I got from the forum ... they say you dont need as much sleep as you age ... so I might get around to keeping track ... decided no sleepers a year ago .. as I would bolt awake after a few hours ... and find it hard to get asleep again ...

I believe that if we all say it as it is for ourselves ... there need not be name calling or criticism on the forum... I try and be clear about "i" statements and "you" statements ... sometimes people are new to those ideas ... and confuse an "I" staement with .... its all about me ... sometimes ppl are too chicken to put up a genuine "I" statement.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

I usually don't reveal my situation, because it sounds like I'm trying to cop out, or ask for sympathy.

But I feel I have acted poorly, and if I stick around, sadly, it's practically unavoidable that it will happen again.

And if it does, I hoped my explanation might help whoever I lash out at, to not feel as bad or as angry.

I still accept responsibility, it's 'probably' not completely the medication, but everyone says I'm not the nice person I used to be.

But sometimes I interpret that as, before I was meek and used to take crap and not say anything. Now I stick up for myself, and maybe I have the wrong type of friends if they don't like that

I'll try to stick it out, but if I keep being a bitch to people, I'm going to leave, permanently this time.

Sadly, the brief account I related about the meds could probably be considered the Disney version, so it's...challenging....most of the time, to interact with others. That's why I stayed in my poetry corner and didn't come out. I'm considering going back there. I'm doing more harm than good out here.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

@Appleblossom

I was listening to music and remembered what you said about why you liked the music I quoted from. ( Which I didn't actually expect anyone to go and listen to)

So I would like to suggest you may enjoy Lisa Hannigan. Her first two albums at least, as the third is only just out or about to be out ,and I haven't heard it, so can't comment on it.

I would probably consider her my second favourite artist.

The first being Tori Amos, however I hesitate to recommend her to anyone, as she is quite....mmmm...an acquired taste....

In response to: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Lalala.
Ooooh , see that dot? -------->.
That's a teeny tiny Lindsey Stirling playing a microscopic violin for my woes.

Lol 🙂

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

I think some people misunderstood me when I tried to talk about anger too ...

If it is in us then at some point we need to be able to express it fully and bodily .. I believe ...

For my first 24 years I never expressed anger .. then was encouraged to by therapist ... I always tried to be ethical in it ... and could see the value .. rather than being in denial or passive aggressive .. and hoped clearer messages would stop more MI in my family.

But after about 10 years .. I knew I could express my anger .. but did not really have the heart for it ... as it just hurt me, my neck and others ... but I think that it did stop me from bottling it up and learn .. to speak more directly when needs not met .. mostly I sublimate it into physical activity ... get it to push my garden or housework along

Re music .. I dont really know where to look in contemporary scene .. and am curious and open ... thanks for tips

I dont think you did any harm ... out on this thread ... I think some dude wanted to flirt with you ,,, bit sparky .. thats all ... dont be too hard on yourself. I think the others liked it ...

there is fire in you ... I used to be ashamed that I was a fire sign .. and that was the cause of all my probs .. ha ha ..

Re meds .. you have probably done your own research and know what you need about your situation .. I just am wary about it does to the kidneys etc .. but it is a quality of life thing.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Someone tried to flirt? Darn, I AM out of touch.

7 pages of chat then you tell people you're insane and no one talks to you.

Except you @Appleblossom.

And the voices, of course.

You're not a voice are you Appleblossom? I've didn't know they could appear as text.

😉

Just kidding.

It's only one voice.

Nah not really.

Hope I didn't offend any schizophrenics. I've had a friend ( a real one) with schizophrenia for....a long time... And he's cool with the odd joke.

I certainly don't care about bipolar jokes.

Half the time anyway 😉 lol.

In response to: Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Re: A Friend in Need,,,,

Btw @Appleblossom, I wouldn't use me as your guide to 'contemporary music, my friends think I'm weird or gay or both that I like female folk music .

I wouldn't care if I was either, and I'm sure I'm at least reasonable amount of weird.

So I listen to whatever the hell I like, and it's not Bruno Mars and that....stuff.

( Was gonna say crap, but I respect that everyone has their own taste in music).

So as fair warning, my taste in music is sometimes...eclectic.

P.s. You ( and others), have probably noticed by now I seem to completely ignore things written ( eg what you related about your anger) and that I don't reply or comment for (whatever reason anyone may assume). And just selfishly only talk about myself.

I'm not going to go into why I don't respond , but I did want you to know I'm reading and paying attention to you all. I apologize for my lack of sympathetic responses ( to everyone), but that's the way it has to be.

And I'm going to edit my statement. I'm moving Lisa Hannigan to #3. I'd put 'A Fine Frenzy' (Alison Sudol) at #2. Although her she mainly sings heartache, I've experienced enough to relate on so many levels. Plus she's awesome.

She quit my music for a bit to act in the new J.K.Rowling Movie, but I hear she's back writing music again (yay).

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