Life after hospital

Hi @BlueBay

How are you feeling today - I think you have Mondays off - so I hope you are able to handle the appointment with your psychologist well and I know it will be hard saying "Goodbye" - goodbyes are always hard - but it is easier perhaps to dwell on that for a certain time and then move on to preparing for the next think - next month you will be seeing your new psychologist and maybe it's a good idea to keep a journal in the meantime

I just hope it's not too hard for you - you are fragile - I understand that - so am I - so I know it will not be an easy time

Thinking of you

Decadian

Hi @Decadian

I have missed you. I really enjoy our chats on here.

I thought something like that you haven't been great cause i haven't seen you.

I have another post 'somethings not right' - where i wrote about talking to my therapist today. Have a look at it if you have time.

Yes, monday's and tuesday's off work. And tomorrow we at work are being audited again but because i am not there i am not stressed at all. And if we lose it is a reflection on our supervisor because he was meant to get new staff. the staff we have cannot possibly do everything that is needed for the audit. and we were only told last thursday that she is coming in tomorrow. so much for giving us notice.

take care @Decadian i had a feeling things weren't right with you. if you want to chat, i am happy to chat with you.

rest up, take care xxxooo

Hi @BlueBay

It's true - I am not feeling all that well right now - I seem to have recovered from the bad bout of sinusitis I had but it has left me exhausted and I am really tired

It was strange though - I didn't receive much mail from the website over the weekend and I thought things were quiet - this was strange - I had a couple this morning but when I started to look around to see what was happening I saw that the site was operating but I wasn't getting the emails

If I had been feeling better I might have had a look before - but I have been so flat I haven't felt like initiating anything either - and the weather is getting me down

I enjoy our chats - and - I hope things go alright with the audit - that audit person sounds like a dragon lady - I don't know which chain you are working for - but I was at my pharmacy a couple of weeks ago and talking about Christmas and this person said she had to do a course too - and I wonder if they have to have an audit - I didn't ask

Let's hope this strange weather gets out of the ways - though it has been worse in SA - it seems to me we have had winter forever - and we are into daylight saving already

All the best

Decadian

This morning I am really emotional. I wrote a poem for my therapist of 5 yrs, whom I will not be seeing anymore after this month. I wanted to write something to him for days but could not bring myself to write it as it was too emotional for me. So today I thought I would write it as I am seeing him this Saturday.

It is a poem of honesty, pure joy and pure hurt. It is a poem of all the good times we had together and silly things we would do. He knew me only too well; and I just thank him so much for being my therapist.

Five years ago I met a therapist
and he’s name was "CF"
He had short black hair
and loved wearing his purple socks

He made me work hard for a long time
But I couldn’t see the end of the line
He pushed me and helped me
And then he would jump with glee

He always loved his mars bars
It was a treat that didn’t go very far
And if he didn’t get one
He would be grumpy and it would be no fun

One day I brought in party hats
All different coloured ones
We both put them on in a session
Boy we had so much fun!!!

And then each time I said something
He would come up with a thing
To sing a song
He always thought he was "Queen"

There is only one guy
And I’m glad it’s just you
For you are a fantastic therapist
Who loves to sing a tune

And then there were teary times
For both of us
We shared only a few
It was a special time for me and you

You always understood me
and it was never easy for me
But you would sit there and listen
and then be gentle with me

I thank you for all the times
you shared your stories of your life
It was interesting to hear what you had to say
And I loved listening - could’ve sat all day

Some days I would call you
in great despair
and you’d say ‘J just breathe’
and I would reply ‘I am, if I wasn’t I’d be dead’!!!!

I always looked up at you
as a figure of someone I knew
and when i was feeling so blue
you always knew what to do

BPD, depression and abuse
is what I have
It’s taken 5 yrs of therapy with you
to get where I am

I know I have lots more work to do
but this time it will be without you
I don’t know how I’ll cope
without you as the bloke

I hope you are proud of me
‘cause I am so thankful of you
I just wish that one day I’m free
And get rid of all that blue

The tears are rolling down my face
BPD and depression is no race
to get to the end of the line
‘cause I know one day I’ll be fine

Thank you for everything you have done
You listened to my story, my fears, my joys
You never judged me at all
I will always remember what a great therapist
you are

I hope to see you again one day

'cause there'll be so much to say

And i know you'll be proud

of just how far I've pushed through the crowd

You know I hate goodbyes

For all I do is cry
So this is not a goodbye
But …… until next time

Oh boy, now I feel really depressed. Teary, sad, angry, hurt - all emotions in one

@utopia@Faith-and-Hope

Hope you are both well.

I think when I see him on Saturday I will be terribly emotional. I just can't help it. And it will probably be the last session with him. Depending on how it goes whether i will go back to him in the meantime. He did say he would not leave me in the lurch with no one.

I am going to go and make some muffins. i haven't baked for a very long time.