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Life after hospital

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Aug 2016, 12:41 pm AEST

Life after hospital

Hi @NikNik@CherryBomb @Decadian@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope@Silenus and everyone else I have forgotten (i am sorry my memory is not good)

Life after hospital???

I really don't know. I was in hospital for 3 weeks and I did hibernate for the first 3 days sleeping most of that time. I had a change of meds which took a while to work out the strength. Then my BP was doing weird things and they changed those meds as well. I was totally exhausted and I don't know if I will ever get better.

I did eventually join in socially and do groups but unfortunately the groups triggered a lot of memories of my childhood abuse,, my mum and how she has treated me, so I used to walk out in tears. I seemed to be crying and sleeping quite a lot. Self harming was on my mind a lot and i was 'looked after' really well by the staff. Often they would pop in my room and just chat but at times all i wanted to do was cry and sleep.

My discharge yesterday was emotional, i didn't want to leave my safe place, my peace and quiet. I tried the night before something terrible and wrote a note to one of the night staff who sat down with me in my room and he told me I don't believe in myself enough that i am strong but i don't see it.

I saw so many people from all walks of life suffering in silence. I came home on the weekends and couldn't even look at the house as it was untidy or not how i would keep it. so after a bit of cleaning i decided no i wanted to go back to 'my safe home'.

Today i had to see my GP and was falling asleep, i told him i am not sure if it's the meds and he said i am still exhausted.

I just feel like crying. Having horrible nightmares at the hospital was so bad that i was too scared to close my eyes, but i had the best male night staff who sat with me and made me a hot milo and gave me some meds to calm down and go off to sleep.

I am so axious about work tomorrow, but i have no money, no sick leave and no annual leave. tried centrelink but they are useless as my hubby earns just over the threshold. so on top of finances and my health i feel i am still not the best.

I wasn't gooing to come on here so soon but i needed to talk to someone as i am home alone. the only good thing that kept me going was knitting.

God i wish i could jusst go away, need to stop these negative thoughts.

Anyway i just wanted to say hi, i am still here and i am sorry if i have forgotten someone's name - i think my exhuastion and meds are affecting my concentration and memory.

I really don't kow how i will cope tomorrow.

i am so scared and anxious.

You were all probably hoping for me to be jumping up and down with glee - if only.

ps. another thing we are signing papers to sell our home this week; that's one good thing i suppose, just the packing is overwhelming.

394 replies

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In response to: Life after hospital

KurraSenior Contributor24 Sept 2016, 9:38 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @Former-Member
What really matters is what people can do for you (trainer) not what they think about you!
Even more important though is what you can do for yourself by contacting the trainer. Look after youself first please.
🎶💕💜💕🎶

In response to: Life after hospital

BlueBaySenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 2:59 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @Former-Member

I am at the moment trying to decide now whether i should go to the personal trainer tomorrow morning or not? I am so undecided. that's the problem with me with BPD i am always undecesive with things. It drives me crazy because i just can't make up my mind and stick with it.

My personal trainer (who i haven't seen for about 2 yrs) is a great guy, fun, jokes all the time but yet puts me through the toughest fitness regime in 30 minutes.

I don't know whether to go or not.

I am glad to see you more on here at the moment, are you feeling like you are achieving things since coming home from hospital?

Yes it was nice to see my uncle and aunty yesterday.

Hope to chat again, take care xxxooo

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

BlueBaySenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 3:06 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @Kurra@Former-Member@Decadian@Faith-and-Hope@utopia@NikNik@CherryBomb and mods

I need some advice pls:

As most of you know I was told last thursday by my therapist of 5 yrs that he can no longer help me as it is 'out of his depth'. to me this came as a shock to say the least. I was so damn angry (still am), very upset and sobbing, couldn't control my anger towards myself. I felt abandoned, kicked in the guts and rejected (just like my parents did to me).

Before I left he made another appt for a fortnight.

This is the bit i need advice - do i go or not? Part of me thinks i should go because he was my therapist for 5 out of 6 yrs and we had built a great relationship between therapist and client(or so i thought) and the other part of me says 'f... him i am not going back he hurt me once last week saying what he did, i left a complete mess and had to sit in my car for 15 minutes sobbing and then calming myself down to drive home); i don't want to have to go through that again. i hate saying goodbyes to anyone but this would be even more harder because i looked up to him as a 'father figure' who was there for me and we could talk about anything. i just don't think i can go through that again in a session.

I am not seeing a new psychologist until November as she is heavily booked and i thought i could just continue seeing my psychiatrist in the meantime.

Any advice pls - i know my BPD is playing a lot in this but i still feel so hurt by what he did and said. i know he can't help me anymore, the area of BPD is not his expertise, and the new one is; so i know i will be better off in the long run. But then i have to start from scratch again and re-live my whole abuse 3 times again and again and then my mum issue and the loss of not seeing my dad. There is so much, i don't know what to do.

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

Shaz51Senior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 3:19 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hello @BlueBay,

I am feeling for you , sending you hugs

My husband has been too so many psychologists who has passed him on to other psychologists, saying I don`t know how to help you anymore and one psychologist even said It was my fault that my hubby wasn`t going forward .

so he left feeling all the things you said, and decided what`s the use of going back , then later we had a phone call to say we had an appt , we did go , but my hubby didn`t feel good anymore with the psychologist who said all those things to him

Do you think you can wait until the new psychologist in November ??

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

pipSenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 3:36 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @BlueBay. The feeling of rejection, betrayal, abandonment would be extremely strong right now, making decision making difficult. I'm sorry this has happened, but I think, under the circumstances, I would be inclined to see him and ask for a referral to another therapist who specializes in BPD. I would tell him how hurt, rejected and betrayed you feel about him pulling the pin. Being honest during therapy or any counselling is imperative for our improvement. Perhaps give him a letter rather than tell him. Tell him how you felt personally, (this is personal, for you). If he can refer you and he makes a note of your reaction to this news, this can be forwarded to the next therapist, who will be able to help you with your feeling of rejection. It's possible you may not have to relive your bad experiences with a new therapist, if this one can forward any and all documents relating to your problems. Talking repeatedly about previous abuse is difficult, often once we've 'talked ourselves out' about the abuse, the thought of having to relive it is quite sickening. Were you referred to this therapist through your Dr or did you find him yourself? I would be inclined to ask your therapist if he would forward your case-notes on to your new therapist. Take care of yourself and remember, we're here when it seems too much. .

In response to: Life after hospital

utopiaSenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 3:46 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

@BlueBay. I would still see your therapist until your November appointment comes around. It's too long for you to go without assistance.
Try not to think of this as being your fault or about you. He simply can't / doesn't have the skills you require. He mifht have thought he did initially, but he now realises he doesn't.
You need to shut down or ignore the voice that wants to punish him. Because it only hurts you in the end.

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

Shaz51Senior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 3:56 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

That is very true @utopia xx

You need to shut down or ignore the voice that wants to punish him.

Because it only hurts you in the end. my friend @BlueBay

myself as a wife and a carer, I would of liked my Husband to keep going

In response to: Re: Life after hospital

AppleblossomSenior Contributor25 Sept 2016, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

Hi @BlueBay

It is good that you had what you had with your old therapist. He did not say things "to hurt you" but because they needed to be said.

It could be good to go and be an opportunity to learn to say good bye ... finish off things ... thank him for what he did give ... admit the pain and hurt maybe .. but also with adult goodwill .. cos your a mum of grown boys ... at least he is honest not to want to treat you for things he feels he does not have the expertise in ... dependancy is not helpful in the long run ... even if it feels comforting. I think it is important to know one's limits and I respect his decision.

In response to: Life after hospital

Unknown userMember25 Sept 2016, 4:10 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

@BlueBay

GO GO GO to your personal trainer!!!

You've motivated me to start thinking to get back in touch with mine, so go ahead now with yours and be my leading example 🙂🤗

In response to: Life after hospital

Unknown userMember25 Sept 2016, 4:25 pm AEST

Re: Life after hospital

@BlueBay

Sorry I only just read your latest reply. I so much feel for you, that is a devastating situation.

First of all, please keep your appointment, unless you have another option? I had to learn to tell my feelings to the relevant person - I usually do that in writing and hand it over when I see them. You can write there how you feel about the last session and how you felt hurt and let down, basically tell it as you did here. You can also tell him how important that relationship is for you and although he cannot help you anymore, he could still be your fall back support? What do you want? How do you want to continue this relationship? Would you like him to see you for a while just so you can tell him how your getting on with the new one? That's what I do with my GP, he can't help me, but he is there for a chat and he gives me he support and security I needed especially before I found a good care team. In my case he is also there when I need someone to get me back...

As for the new one you can give permission to your new and old psych to talk to each other, that is another thing you can start sorting out at your next appointment, as they will both need your written permission.

Tell him what you need from him - I was told before that I am the consumer and should voice what I need from the service I pay for. Still sounds weird to me, but it is true.

@BlueBay I give you a big virtual hug x

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