Moving forward

@oceangirl

how are you today my friend xx

I don't know how I got here. This person is unrecognisable but I know I've created her. For so long I've been waiting to die. I don't live but wait for me to become so overwhelmed that I follow through. I am pushing people I love away again and not letting myself feel love or truly love anyone. I've been here before. Somehow the penny has started to drop today. That I have to stop ✋. I owe my kids another few years at least. I have become petrified of living, of being hurt, of taking risks, of actually trying without self sabotaging. I let the smallest things bring on massive self destruction.

But this afternoon I want to draw a line in the sand. I have to try harder to move forward not just survive. First steps are the easy ones for me. Find a quote that will resonate, be accountable and stand up. So here I am.

So here's my start.....of trying to make a life worth living. 💜🤗💐

@Former-Member ....... 🤗💐💜💕❤️💐💜💕💗🐠🐬🌿🦋🌷❣️

That's pretty cool @Faith-and-Hope. And I felt twangs of guilt in a good way when I read it so it's a keeper 😘💜

I find it empowering @Former-Member ..... 🏋️

It took a long time when I was first married to recognise what passive-aggressive behaviour was, and that it is a form of emotional abuse. From there it took me a while to understand that, although the consequences of addressing it were not going to be comfortable, I did in fact have choices ..... 🤔

I could kow-tow to the controlling and aggressive nature of the people who were dishing that out, but that was going to wear me down, and make me angry.

I could push against it and give as good as I got, but that went against my nature as much as just sitting with it.

I could talk it out with my hubby and expect him to be reasonable and supportive.

I could leave.

I could seek counselling about how to deal with it.

I could withdraw from the people who were hurting me and put up barriers to limit their influence in my life.

When you start to list out the choices, there are often a lot more than you realise .... and other people can often pick up even more that we might not have twigged to ....

Forum Power does that ..... 😏 .... we've got awesome friends who care here ....

And that's cool ... 😎

Hi @Former-Member At last I can log on to the forums on my laptop in my cabin and not have to borrow the ipad in my brother's place. So I can be here whenever I want to plus it's much easier to type on the laptop so I can have proper conversations. Hoping you are doing ok atm and looking forward to chatting with you.

Hi @Former-Member you don't know me but there's a few of us over on the Beer Garden thread if you want to join us for a virtual nightcap and some company.