My Mosaic

Well done for getting through all that @Bow .. it could not have been easy. And as for the need to drive 45mins into the country in order to have a phone consult with a psych in your home town ... baffling to say the least.

Anyway its done now, and hopefully he will provide your GP with a diagnosis for an ED, which is what she needed in order to refer you to someone in that field of expertise.

How are you feeling now that you're home again? I expect your little girl will be home from school by now ... maybe the pair of you can do something nice together.

Emelia 💕

@Emelia8 I am almost certain my gp won't get the diagnosis from this pdoc from my appointment today. My eating issues were barely talked about, he didn't question me around my thinking, I struggle enough to bring up the fact that I have struggles with eating, that I don't eat etc, let alone to raise the thoughts I have around it. He just didn't seem to be interested in my lack of eating. I feel unheard.

And then to have to constantly sensor my posts here, it's another knock down.

I'm feeling really emotional at the moment and I don't know how much more I can take. It really wears me down and is slowly destroying me. I'm tired of telling my story repeatedly and then still being unheard. At the moment I truly wish I had succeed all those many years ago at ending things. I wouldn't have this constant feeling of enormous guilt over wanting to end things now and leaving my D without me. Now I just feel incredible trapped. Yes I have my D, but my future feels so dark and lonely.

I'll stop now, probably said more than I should, but it is what it is. I have my bloods done on Thursday, wonder what they will tell, and then see my gp on Friday.

the one person that I spoke to about a lot of what has been happening for, my best friend, second mum, left over the weekend for a 6 week trip. They were my senior pastors, my second family and they treated me like their daughter, they recently stepped down as lead pastors to focus on other ministry. I have struggled to process this transition, I know they will still be around, but not as much. It's just added another layer of significant grief for me. I genuinely feel very alone now. There is a lot of tension between me and my Mum at the moment too.

anyways, enough rambling.

I'm glad to read you have been able to get an appointment with your psych next week @Emelia8 , sorry that the timer hasn't been better for a sooner one, I know that you need it at the moment. And congrats @Eve7 on both your wins today- awesome job!

Im hearing you @Bow and I am so sorry. And yes, I was aware your pastor was leaving soon. Though was not sure exactly when that was happening. Thank you for your informative post, and I really hope there are no repercussions from it. 😔💝

I am here listening and caring👂👀

Emelia 💞

Hi @Bow

It is understandable to be feeling so emotional and exhausted after what feels like a big blow today. It also sounds like a deep loss for you with your friend. Knowing they are still there but not quite in the capacity as they were... Again, it is reasonable to feel weighted down by this as you process the difficult transition.

Knowing that you are feeling very emotional and worn out, with things feeling especially compoundng and difficult to cope with right now, I encourage you to find some helpful and safe ways of taking care of yourself this evening and trying to get some rest.

Please always feel welcome to reach out to the SANE Help Centre and other approptiate supports as you need.

thanks @Emelia8 for hearing and caring, it is truly appreciated.

and thanks @Former-Member i have just spoken with the butterfly foundation, able to tell them what happened today, the frustration in all of this and be truly heard and understood by them.

i will probably take my meds early tonight and just sleep. i will face tomorrows challenges once it arrives.

Well done taking that step for yourself @Bow, especially when it can be so difficult to try again. What a huge act of courage

Well done on calling Butterfly Foundation @Bow 👍💝

Thanks @Bow

Well done on calling the butterfly foundation. That is such a big step and I hope you can continue to call them when necessary.

Taking your meds and going to bed early sounds sensible and maybe a story and prayers with the big school girl.

Lots of love

💙🦋💙

I'm sorry to hear the telehealth appointment didn't go as you had hoped. I think I've forgotten how to be helpful / give advice. A very long time ago I had ED issues and was not in a great state phyically. It was actually recurring shoulder pain that made me start exercising, then it went from under eating to obsessively tracking everything. Eventually it just became about running and these days parkrun is often the highlight of my week, it's so nice to see people walking and running, just enjoying thier Saturday mornings, even if I don't interact with a single person sometimes, it's still just a friendly atmosphere.
Not that I mean any of that as advice, just an anecdote, although I will admit I always try and convince people to go to their local parkrun.
I hope you got that early night and a decent sleep.

how can things possible get any worse??? i dont even know how to begin to process this now.