I seen my gp this morning with my support worker. I was honest… kinda had to be cause I was honest with my support worker prior, about what I done to myself the last couple of nights. I tried to explain to my gp what leads to it, that it’s how I cope with intense flashbacks. I think she tried to understand, but I kinda got the lecture, in a very caring way, about the dangers… blah blah, just the usual.
I told her that I had a good few days after mum left, but that things had gone down hill the last couple of days and I have been struggling with a lot of different things. I assured her that I was safe from SI though.
While I was in with the nurse being…. looked after, my support worker was in with my gp. I remember sitting in there with the nurse while she was sorting things out and thinking…. I don’t really like that they are in there without me, logically I knew that they both cared and would only be talking about things to best support me, but I still didn’t like it much. I felt really vulnerable in there with the nurse too. My gp usually patches me up. The nurse asked what happened, I told her and she when awkwardly silent.
I went back in and they had decided a couple of things. I did agree to giving my support worker some things, and my gp also wanted my psychologist, who I was going to next, to know about a few things. I agreed to allowing my support worker come in for the first 5 minutes to talk to my psych.
My bloods have dropped a fair bit and are at the bottom level of normal, so continuing to keep an eye on that.
My psych appointment then went ok. We talked about how to try and manage my distress levels of an evening in particular when dealing with flashbacks.
I really feel myself sinking further and further. Struggling with a lot of intense thoughts and really not having my much desire to look after myself, just the bare minimum.
tomorrow I see my CM in the morning and then my dietitian.
im safe
