We didn’t have a funeral for my step dad, he didn’t want. We are just going to have our own little memorial for him in our own time just our immediate family.
Mum had talked about going away for the weekend, just us, my bro, SIL and niece. We would do something for my step dad there. But then the dog. So that canned that plan.
Then we were just gonna go away to the beach for the day. That would be manageable for all of us.
Then my mum found an accommodation option that meant the dog could come with us. But cause it’s getting close to Christmas and my SIL works in retail she can’t get weekends off. So that’s canned that idea.
My mum now wants to go to tassie to visit my brother. This was always on the cards eventually, cause my brother has cancer and was recently given 18mths-2yrs. Originally there was talk of me and my D going down in the school holidays to spend some time with him and then my mum would go down separately later on. But now she doesn’t wanna fly cause she has issues with her ears, she wants us all to go together, her, D and I. Drive down to melbourne and take the boat over. What about the dog? She wants to take her with us. She is not a well behaved dog. She chews a lot. Barks a lot. Runs if she gets out.
An idea is floated and I sit with it for days and eventually get use to the idea and accept it as what is going to happen and then things get changed.
All this pressure is doing my head in, changing plans, having to come to some agreement. In all honesty I don’t wanna go anywhere. I just wanna stay home in my safety bubble. I’m too tired. Too unwell. Would community mh even let me go??? The hassle of organising weekends with my ex. Potentially missing psych appointments. I know I’m being selfish. 😩
