My Mosaic

Yeah @Captain24 i believe this is where churches can really show their care. My church has really changed since the leadership changed. It’s sad. I’ve been seriously thinking about going elsewhere…. But this is all I’ve known. It’s been my church home for over 20yrs. I use to be on the leadership team, I use to be a deacon, I use to run a connect group, oversee women’s ministry, I use to be employed by the church. But all that eventually ended and then it’s like I don’t exist anymore.

guess it’s like all my relationships really. No one hangs around long. They all eventually disappear. They see the real me and run a mile. Not worth it.

the meal is appreciated. None of us are all that hungry, but at least we don’t have to think about cooking when we decided we should probably have something to eat.

Hey @Bow @Snowie @Captain24 just been catching up on everything.

Quite the mixture of warm and caring people, and folks who don't seem to want to give a crap around you, hey Bow. I'm glad you got to chat to the support worker and even got an email address, how incredibly kind-hearted of her. I'm sorry to hear about how much the leadership change has impacted your experience with your church. I can understand that 20yrs is a long time to have built a very firm connection, and a sense of loyalty and comfort in the familiar. You could always at least just visit some other churches, just to feel out the vibe.

So glad your little one has a good bunch of people at the school to help her and your family during such a difficult time. I hope your mum is also reaching out for some support too. Be such a tough time for you all. Just gotta take it one day at a time I suppose. And for the record I'm glad you have shared so much - it's always more painful to hold it all inside in my experience. Here to listen and hold space as much as you need.

Snowie I'm sorry that you've been having a rough day. I hope LL was helpful, and yeah if you wanna chat about anything, I'm here.

Same goes for you Captain. Sounds like there's a big part of you that just wants to escape right now. I sometimes wish we were like bears - come winter we get to just crawl into a cave and snooze all through the cold. Sending some sleepy teddy bear vibes your way.

💖🤗💜

I just had a phone call from that support worker from this morning.
My CM had just called the support worker. comm mh health have organised a case conference for Monday morning that I am to attend…. This is the first that I have heard about it. Annoyed. I was to start my eclipse (the suicide) support group at the same time.
she also said she can’t give me her email. My CM said no.
I also need to book a gp appointment and have my bloods done. I cancelled and avoided them the last week. Don’t want to know what my bloods are like.

And… I had another phone. I have an assessment with a clinical psychologist on Tuesday for my DSP application. It’s a video one. Which I hate. But at least it’s finally happening. I told my support worker about it and she said it’s a good thing and the psychologist ones are usually ok. But that I will have another one with a psychiatrist and they are much worse.

Thanks @Jynx just want to quit

@Bow sorry things are out of your control hon. I hope you are able to gain something from these appointments.

Hi @Jynx.

Yep I just want to run away from everything and everyone. I wish I didn’t exist

It’s hard when things clash @Bow. Especially when you don’t get a choice. I do hope everything works out in your favour though.

@Captain24 @Snowie aww my darlings I am sending you some super big hugs. Sounds like you both could really catch a break hey. Wanting to quit and wanting to hide away are totally natural instincts to have, and I hope you both can find ways to honour these instincts in nurturing ways - like taking time for yourselves, doing something creative, getting out and about in nature, or carving out some time to rest and replenish your inner resources 🌺😌🌟

@Bow conference sounds daunting 😲 I hope it ends up being helpful, but super annoying it clashes with your support group. How often does the group run? Don't suppose they'd let you reschedule the conference?

I hope the DSP meetings are as swift and painless as possible. Fingers and toesies crossed for ya hun 🤞💜

@Jynx If this support group starts next week (they are still confirming numbers, so it may be postponed in the end if they don’t have enough numbers) but it will be every Monday morning for I think it’s like 8 weeks.

Can’t really change the case conference. I actually believe it’s been booked for a couple of weeks. it will involve my gp and dietitian, my dietitian was the one that wanted it organised, also my support workers and whoever at comm mh. I noticed my gp had booked an appointment (they use an app) for the same time as this case conference a couple of weeks ago. I thought she was just getting in and making sure she was seeing me regularly, but now believe it was her setting aside this time to attend the case conference. Perhaps if my CM was doing her job she would of let me know ages ago 😞

super anxious about this case conference now. Never been to one as the client… but have attended plenty as a case manager. Scared they will all be there to tell me what I have to do.

@Bow very legit to be quite nervous hun. Being sat surrounded by a whole bundle of MH professionals would be very daunting. Who in attendance would you say you feel the most safe with? Could you ask for someone to sit in with you, basically hold your hand through the process?

@Jynx The support worker that I had today said that she will be there on Monday, so that is good. Only thing with that is now she is gonna know everything too. It was difficult today, talking openly about how I stockpile meds, my dark thoughts.
You have all these clinical people who know how bad a person I am. All the things I have done to try and end my life. They know a lot more truths, a lot more of the bad.

But then I have these support people, I pick and chose a lot of what they know.
Hope that makes sense??