My Mosaic

@Bow aww hun, it can be so hard being exposed and vulnerable, for sure. I'm glad you'll have someone there who feels like a comfort.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm also concerned about the fact that it sounds like you're making the assumption that your team think of you as a bad person. I hope it's okay if I'm honest with you - it sounds like projection to me. Please correct me if I'm wrong, and call me out if it is not the right thing to say, I'll own that. But unless you have direct evidence (someone actually calling you a bad person), you can't know that that is how they really feel. I sincerely doubt that any MH professional (or at least the overwhelming majority) could ever see someone in such deep pain and think "oh what a bad person". Attempting suicide is never deserving of such a judgement.

I can imagine you might feel a bit exposed to have your support people there to witness the full extent of your current struggles. But I hope, and think it's very likely, that they will respond with compassion and empathy. And perhaps having everyone on the same page will help in ensuring you have a well-equipped, well-informed, and collaborative treating team going forward.

No one has ever said it @Jynx But look at all the bad and terrible things that I have done in the last year. All the issues and drama that I have caused. All results of things that I have done, things that I have chosen to do. Having to have people to come out every night to give me a pill cause no one else can be trusted including myself to do it. Now another service is going to be involved in that process. I can’t even begin to list the things that I do, things that I purposely go out and get, purchase, order online. All these things that I do to cause harm. I don’t think of others in this. I am selfish. I do not deserve people to help me when I purposely go out to undo what they try to do. This all makes me a bad person. A horrible terrible person. And I’d understand if you now thought the same.

knowing these support people are gonna be at this meeting…. Having this support person there today…. Im sure they think, farrrkkk what have I got myself into??

I just got no hope @Jynx no hope that anything will ever be better. My head is too broken. My heart is too damaged.

I don’t know what to say to this @Bow other than you are NOT a bad person. You are a person that is struggling really badly with life.

I really wish you could see yourself the way we see you. A kind, considerate and caring person.

Nothing will change my opinion of you

@Bow nothing you've said makes me think you're a bad person. In fact it only deepens my empathy for you. And if that is my response, then perhaps you might also let yourself believe that your support team could have a similar response.

I am signing off for tonight so don't have time to write much more - but know that I am pretty adamant in my belief that you are wrong about what kind of person you are. All I've ever seen is the kindness, compassion, and delight that I know are present within you, and I hope one day you can see it too.

Hugs, night night 💜

I think you are a kindhearted person @Bow with a lot to give. I am really impressed with how you understand and reach out to people.

I hope you sleep well tonight 💙

I agree with the others on here @Bow that you are NOT a bad person. You are a beautiful human being who is suffering greatly.

I'm sorry you now can't email that nice support worker 😞

And I'm mad with your pdoc about taking you cold turkey off all the meds. I'm glad you can start the antidepressant again like you wanted.

I hope the conference on Monday goes much better than you think it might...sorry you have to miss the first of your suicide support group sesssions for it 😞

Thinking of you and sending warm hugs @Bow 💜

@Captain24 and @Snowie Am so sorry to hear you are both suffering from SI 😞

Sending lots of hugs - we are here for you. ❤️

Thanks @NatureLover

@Bow hoping you got some sleep last night and today goes as best as it can.

Has D gone back to school? So glad you were able to talk to her school. Perhaps they can give her extra support if she needs it.

Sitting in this space with you 💗💗

Thanks @Snowie it took me ages to get off to sleep and then woke a lot. I’m tired again today.
I took mum out to the shops this morning. We just had a bit of a wander around. It’s been a really long time since she has been to the shops. We had a cuppa. Home now to rest as I’m tired.
Mums being a busy bee. Keeping herself busy. She’s cleaning the carpet in her room today, so moving what little furniture she had left in there.
I’ve had to get onto community mh this morning. When they came to give me my meds last night, I thought the decision in my appointment yesterday was that they would drop 2 days of meds off. They witness me take them last night and then a support worker comes tonight and she witness me take them. But they didn’t give me any extra meds last night. Just last nights dose. The guy that sat in on my appointment yesterday isn’t in today of course. And the gentleman I spoke to didn’t really know. So he is going to look into it. I also asked about the case conference book for Monday. I wanted clarification around my attendance. I’ve had no one from comm mh actually tell me that I am to be there, only second hand info from one of the support workers.

but good news about my suicide support group @NatureLover they have had to postpone the start of it until the following week. So I won’t miss that now.

D happily went off to school today. I would

of let her stay home but she wanted to go. She really doesn’t seem to be affected by it but I’m sure her little brain is ticking over.

I wish I could believe all your kind words about myself.