My Mosaic

Nah can’t call them @Snowie no idea who it will be. Guess they have a lot of people to see in the hospital, between the numerous psych wards, the ED and those on medical wards.
kinda thought they would want my medical bed emptied so would come see me, but obviously not.

I would guess that my CM knows I am here @Captain24 i was due to see her yesterday morning and cause community mh and the hospitals are all linked, she’d see that I am here, out of icu and on a ward. I don’t really expect her to call or anything, really feel like she doesn’t care much. She use to call me frequently, of a morning. Now she doesn’t call much at all and it’s always just before 5pm when she finishes. It like I’m a thought at the end of the day to tick the box.

yeah the waiting suck @Jynx the not knowing. Every time my door opened today I wondered whether it was mh, but no.

on a positive note, I’ve eaten 3 meals today. At least mh can’t hold that against me. I’m worried that if they make me stay and transfer me to a mh ward that I will restrict and then end up back on a medical ward due to being medically unstable. It’s usually the case.
I also got all my tubes and lines disconnected this afternoon and managed a shower. That felt so good.

I talked to my daughter too… and I cried. So much shame

Sorry to hear you are back in hospital @Bow but it does sound like the best place for you to be at the moment. I do really hope you can get the help you deserve.

I know those shame feelings hon, especially when it comes to our kids.

Sitting here with you in that space.

@Bow aww yeah that shame is so hard to experience. Agree w @Snowie that whilst it would be rough, it is also the best place to be where you can get the support you need n deserve. I hope that you're able to continue having food n you start to feel a bit better - and that the CMH come check in on you soon. Hot showers really do wonders don't they? I like to picture the water washing all my stress away.

Sending biiiiig hugs 💜

Oh @Bow. My heart goes out to you. That call with D must have been so hard.

I hope you get the help you need and are seen to soon.

Also I am proud of you with the meals. You need to keep your strength up.

I found a chai latte sachet in my bag and having half of it now…. Making it last and have just finished a FaceTime with my D and now I’m gonna cry.

Oh yum what a nice treat @Bow. And yeah would've been tough to see your little one with all you're going through. I hope it was also really special though, to get to chat w her and see her lil face. I hope it's a good cry, one that releases a bunch of stuff 💜🤞

Every night without fail @Jynx when I tuck her in and say I love her, good night and all that, she yells out to me as I’m shutting her door ‘come and check on me’. She is always asleep within minutes (wish I fell asleep that quick) but she sent it to me in a message tonight ❤️

@Bow 😭😍💜

That is sooooo precious, what a lil cutie pie she is. Aww she loves you so much!

She deserves better @Jynx 😭

Aww @Bow, she has a mum that cares about her so, so deeply. Even with everything you're going through you're still taking the time to send her off to bed with love and affection. She's got a mum who loves her, who cherishes her, and who spends time with her even when in hospital.