My Mosaic

I’m back at the mh unit now. I had a really lovely day out. Mum and my D picked me up early, I had only just got out of the shower!

We got a taxi home and I put some washing on and then my D and I went to the shops…. My car was dead, so thankfully there was my step dads to use. I’ll call roadside assist hopefully when I’m allowed home for a weekend.
We sat and had morning tea together and then went and got a few things from Kmart. My D helped me pick out a nice warm fluffy blanket to take back with me. @Snowie @NatureLover I got a copy of Spare and a couple of other books to keep me going.

Back home for some lunch, made some beaded braclets that my D and I exchanged, did our nails, played a few games with D and packed to come back here. I grab another paint by numbers, some craft stuff and now hopefully I am prepared to be transferred to the private clinic tomorrow.

Hard to say goodbye to my daughter again. She asked if I could come back and see her on Wednesday. I didn’t make any promises.

Got the message from the ex. Have opened it and read it yet, but can see the first bit…. My daughter did tell him I was in hospital and said it was cause I was sad!!! Argh!!! I will need to respond with another reason and that I am sad cause I had to come to hospital! urgh.

And now here I am back here. Bit tired now. So just gonna chill for the rest of the afternoon.

@Bow sounds like it was a wonderful day spent with D hon. You both must have enjoyed it a lot.

I loved hearing about all that you did together, some beautiful memories made.

Sorry about the text from your ex. It must be hard knowing that you are in hospital. I hope you are able to sort it out with him.

You must be tired, you haven't stopped all day! Defiantly time to chill.

It really was a nice day @Snowie it was so nice to be out of these 4 walls.
I had a hot chai… I haven’t had a hot chai in months… I discovered iced chai over the summer and have been having them. But it’s a wet cold day today so had a hot one.

I had a can of V too! I do really enjoy them, I don’t drink coffee, so it’s my caffeine. Will be interesting to see if it affects my sleep tonight, hopefully not!
it’s the small things eh?!

I got a couple of journals too. I’m going to try hard to journal while in there. Hopefully it will help me remember things while having ECT.

im anxious to get to the private clinic and get ECT started. Hopefully I don’t have to wait too long once there. I still haven’t had a chest X-ray? Have had the ECG and bloods. Just don’t want to be here longer than necessary.

how are you doing this afternoon @Snowie ??

My H loves chai too @Bow , hot and cold. More of a coffee person.

It would have been nice to be out of those 4 walls hon, just to see some sunshine and fresh air.

I hope you get some answers tomorrow in regards to you moving to another hospital.

Wishing you well with your journalling hon. I hope it helps you like it has helped me.

Today has been on the harder side of days. My night wasn't the greatest so have been trying to take it easy today. My thoughts are quite dark tonight. I ate lunch and dinner today and feeling very out of control at the moment. I am going to try and resist the urge to jump on the scales.

I wish I drank coffee @Snowie i really do! I love the smell of it. I use to run the coffee cart at church. We had a proper big cafe style coffee machine. It was red. And I loved serving coffee to my church family. It allowed me to speak and say hello to everyone, but it was short and sweet and I didn’t have to engage in long conversations. I could hide behind the machine. Now church just uses the aldi coffee pod machines.

Im glad that you have been able to eat today @Snowie your body really does need it. Do you know that a starved body results in a starved brain. It really affects our ability to think, process things and stuff. When I started doing exposure therapy my psychologist was extra aware of my eating and made sure that I came into sessions with something in my stomach. She even sent me a text the morning of!
Some folks did an experiment many years ago called the ‘Minnesota experiment’. They studied the effects of starvation on a group of men. They sound that prolonged starvation significantly increases depression. If you ever feel like reading about it and also starvation syndrome.
I know the reasons we don’t eat are so complex and it’s not an easy fix, but from my healthy adult to your healthy adult part, I really encourage you to eat regularly.

And don’t get on those scales! Please! I use to weigh myself every day. Those numbers use to have so much power over me. And they still do. But I haven’t weighed myself in such a long time. Partly cause I’m too scared to.

love you @Snowie you are so dear to me 💕

Thanks @creative_writer how are you doing today? Did you get some of your assignments done? I think you’re pretty amazing persevering with your studies while managing your mental health. I couldn’t do it, I tried with Tafe, but withdrew in the end.

My H would say I drink too much coffee @Bow

Nothing better than waking up in the morning, making a coffee and getting back into bed!!

I know that there is so much behind my eating habits and how it has turned into an ED.

The numbers have a lot of power over me too. I am trying my hardest to stay away from them.

You are so loved too @Bow I feel that I can talk to you about so much without judgement or fear, so thank you 💗