My Mosaic

@Bow hoping the pdoc comes in to see you soon hon. Then you can finally get some answers and make up your mind about ect.

Here with you hon 💜💜

I didn’t get to see a proper pdoc, just a registrar late this afternoon, nearly 5pm. I’m so frustrated. I agree to come in here, have a plan in my head if what I want to occur and I just feel like I get punished for doing the right thing every time I come in here voluntarily. It’s like…. ‘she wants to be here, she’s fine to wait’. No I don’t want to be here, I agreed to come in cause if I didn’t they would have made me. And no I’m not fine to wait.

I won’t see the consulting pdoc now until Thursday! I MAY see the registrar again on Wednesday, but she wasn’t sure. Is it cause I comply with everything, don’t make a fuss, take my meds and just keep to myself and stay in my room and do my own thing????

The registrar did have a read and knew a little about my history but I did have to answer a heap of questions. We talked about my sleep at length. And I was the one that had to ask if they would increase my meds. She wasn’t going to do anything! Grrrr.

She said she would organise an anaesthetic consult? For ECT. I need a chest X-ray for that too but she didn’t say anything about that.

Im just so frustrated about how slow everything happens in here. I come in here with the plan to have my sleep sorted out, I don’t see how difficult that would be to start doing straight away, adjust my meds for goodness sakes. Let’s just try that to begin with!! But I had to suggest that. Otherwise nothing would be done until Thursday when I see the pdoc.

I asked about having some leave. I’m here voluntarily, so I don’t see why I can’t have a little bit of it. She said 1 hr… supervised! Urgh. That’s next to useless to me. I’ll have my friends come in before they leave to go overseas, but then that will be it. Maybe my CM will come see me? Or my peer worker?
I understand the ECT work up takes a little time, X-ray, bloods and anaesthetic, but she also then said that she needs to check if there is a wait list! I should have know really. But I ain’t staying in here for weeks waiting for ECT to start. I had even wanted to go home this weekend, come back Sunday night. Sigh. Why’s so slow? Makes me wanna leave. So frustrated. I didn’t even get to ask my questions about ECT. I specifically want to know the schedule? Cause my CM said it could be done Mon, Tues, Wed, and then I could go home for the rest of the week. But I’ve never heard of it done that way. So I desperately want to ask.

oh I asked the registrar to see the dietitian. It really should be done as soon as I get in here. But so far I have been going ok with my intake. Determined again to not allow my eating disorder to take over and things turn into a medical admission.

if you’ve read this far, thanks. Just downloading for the day and venting!

oh dear me @Bow that sounds like one enormous mess. You are right, it shouldn't be taking this long to get the answers you deserve, especially around your meds and seeing the dietician. I can understand the ECT taking a little longer. I hope you don't have to wait for it and can be added to the list straight away.

Can your mum come and visit you at all?

Vent out as much as you need too hon. We are here to listen 💕💕

Sounds frustrating @Bow I only get snippets these days as I'm working in another area sometimes, but I'm happy to see you are still as resilient as ever and seeking support for you. You're an inspiration.

It can be so hard when you feel like you know more than the doctor! haha I guess that's what happens when you have been on this long journey, but I hope you will stick with it and get some results. All the best Bow 💝

My nurse just came and had a chat with me, she was nice. I vented a little bit of my frustrations with her, especially around my meds, leave and things being so slow. She was going to make sure the dietitian referral goes through and she also asked what they can do to support me with my ED which was nice.

I’ve just helped mum set up kids messenger for my daughter on her iPad. Now we can talk heaps, which I am loving.

@Snowie my mum doesn’t drive. So makes it hard for her to get here and she is also pretty much stuck at home with my step dad at the moment. She gets a couple of hours respite every now and then. That’s what makes coming in here so difficult, it means I don’t see any of them, that’s why I desperately wanted the leave, that way I could go home for a bit and see them. I’d have to wear the cost of an Uber, but that’s ok if I get to see them. But we FaceTime every night and now I have set up kids messenger I can talk to my D all the time

@Bow I really hope you can see a proper pdoc, plus a dietician, as soon as possible, before Thursday! Also that you don't have to wait for the ECT and the preparation work gets done quickly...sending wishes for all of this 💜

P.S. Well done, it sounds like you're making yourself eat 👍

@Bow I'm glad you have that contact with your daughter hon. It must be really good for her and you too.

Sorry, I think you have told me before your mum doesn't drive.

I know you probably won't get any answers today, but hoping at least you have some nice nurses that you can talk too.

Did they end up changing your meds?

I slept a tiny bit better last night due to the increase in one of my night meds. But I am still tired and sleepy today! I will try and have a nap this afternoon I think.

I woke up to a heap of messages from my daughter. So sweet! She is an early riser and was expecting me to reply, but I didn’t grab my phone from the nurses station until 9am.

I just had an ECG. Not sure if that’s part of ECT prep? No one had mentioned that. But I also have them regularly due to my eating disorder too. I also had fasting bloods done this morning, I knew about them. Both the ward medical dr and the registrar wanted that done.

think my friend is going to come in again today, which will be nice.

@Bow glad they increased your night meds hon. A tiny bit is better then nothing so take that as a win!

Sounds like your daughter loves the connection with you. It is so good that she is able to message you whenever she wants.

I had a ECG before I started ECT, so might be something to do with that.

I hope your friend comes in again. Will be nice to have some company.

How is your paint by numbers going?

Oh she loves being able to be in contact with me @Snowie !! I set it up thinking it would be nice to send and receive a few messages but she found the FaceTime option! ALL DAY!! Oh my gosh lol. I told her that I was going for a nap after lunch, I didn’t get much of a rest though cause she kept trying to call me. It has been nice though. She has sat there playing with all the filters and talking random stuff to me and I’ve sat and painted.

my friend came in today and I took advantage of my 1hr leave and we went down and got a drink from the cafe. It was nice to get out of the ward.

my painting is coming along alright @Snowie wish I could show you.

I think my peer worker is coming in tomorrow morning. And then my friend is coming back in on Thursday and will bring my daughter in. She said that she could also pick me up and take me home for an hour, but not sure it would be worth it especially if I manage to talk pdoc into letting me go home for the weekend. Will see how we go.

I’m super tired tonight. Will curl up in bed shortly.

how are you doing @Snowie ?