My Mosaic

Oh @Bow 😢 I am so sorry to hear that about having to leave your little one, how utterly heartbreaking.

Really intense time for you at the moment - on one hand I am very glad that the MH team have been doing so much to help look after you. On the other, it is very sad to hear that things have gotten to this point and you need to be back in hospital. I hope they're able to get your meds balanced out and that the psychiatrist is a good one.

Hopefully it will just be a short stay and you can be back to cuddling your daughter in no time 🤞💜

Sending lots of love @Bow Im sorry you’re so unwell but pleased you have agreed to this admission. I’m glad the lovely lady came to see you.

💙💙💙

Im sorry you have ended up in hospital again @Bow and how heartbreaking with your daughter.

Im thinking of you.

I am also proud of you for admitting that you needed to go. It wouldn’t have been easy. I wish I had your courage.

@Bow So pleased you saw the lovely lady yesterday from community MH. Well done for agreeing to the hospital admission if that's what you need the most.

That registrar who called you "selfish" is just one little man out of all the people in the world, a man who DOESN'T UNDERSTAND that saying that causes more damage, and who doesn't understand that SI (which is an illness) completely takes over till you can't see anything else. He shouldn not be practising in the mental health profession. I hope you can refuse to see him ever again.

Sending hugs 💜

@Bow I can understand how hard it is to decide between our mental health and our children. It is so difficult to leave them behind. I'm sorry to hear your daughter had to go through that.

But, you have done what is right for you. There comes a time where those survival instincts kick in and we have to just survive. You have showed so much strength and courage just to make this decision.

I hope you are able to get the help you deserve 💌💌

Thank you @Snowie @NatureLover @Captain24 @Eve7 @Jynx

the horrendous withdrawals have eased up this morning since having all my meds last night and my morning meds from yesterday they gave those to me yesterday afternoon. Hopefully I won’t do that again!

I got a little sleep last night. The beds here are not comfortable. I really do not understand why they put these horrible thick rubber mattresses in psych wards.

I have my friend dropping some things off for me today. In my rushed and not overly with it state yesterday when I packed to come in I forgot my paintbrushes! I bought my paint by numbers and the paint, but no brushes. My friend, she leaves for a bit overseas ministry trip at the end of this week, sad that they will be gone for about a month, if I agree to start ECT and am in for any length of time, I will have no visitors. I don’t tell anyone else I am here. If I do stay, I will push for leave though. Weekend leave. Day leave.

I am so very torn over a decision to do ECT. I have researched it a fair bit the last week. It’s the long term effects on my memory, my cognitive abilities, the month long commitment. I haven’t even really talked to my mum about it.

anyways, I hope you are all ok. I’m really sorry but I don’t have much capacity to follow along on your threads at the moment, but please tag me in any updates. 💕

@Bow I'm glad the withdrawals have eased up for you.

You packed really well hon if the only thing you forgot is your paintbrushes. At least they can be dropped off to you today.

I totally understand the torn decision to do ECT or not. There are so many pros and cons to it, but I guess that is like anything else. Maybe there is a kind nurse or a psych you could have a chat to about.

You don't need to worry about us at the moment. Just worry about yourself. I am just happy that you are getting the help you deserve. Sending all my love hon 💗💗

My friend dropped my paintbrushes off… and a few other things I asked mum to pack for me. Socks! It’s cold in here, which I don’t mind at all, but my feet are cold. Was good to see my friend. She will come and see me again before they jet off overseas at the end of the week.

I chatted briefly to mum last night about ECT. The community ladies on Saturday actually mentioned it to her, so it kinda opened the door for me to talk to mum. I will hopefully have a half decent psychiatrist this morning to talk and I can ask them questions. I think though, that if I am to stay and start having ECT, that I will be moved to the adult mh ward. This is just a short stay unit, I’d hate to have to stay here for a long period of time, it’s pretty much just 6 small ensuite rooms and a tiny little living/kitchenette/craft corner type thing.
I think I am leaning towards agreeing to give ECT a go, but I am still terrified.

Good to hear that you got the things you needed hon @Bow I hope you were able to sleep a little better last night.

It does sound like they opened up the door about ECT to your mum which is probably good. I know how hard it is to decide whether to have it or not. Only you can decide that. I hope the pdoc today is nice and can help make the decision a little easier for you. Either way hon, we are right by your side.

Sitting with you hon 💗💗

Nah my sleep was heaps broken last night too @Snowie its the norm for me though unfortunately. Just crawled into bed to have a bit of a rest. Not sure I’ll sleep though, still waiting around to see the pdoc.

I’ve done a little bit of painting this afternoon and it’s been really cold in here today. So bed is nice, although not overly warm or comfortable!