My Mosaic

My brother who lives interstate is having a central line put in this week and then starts chemo next week. He will have chemo fortnightly indefinitely.
He lives on his own, but does have a support work and they will increase the support he receives now too.
Mums been heaps down today. I get it, she most likely feels very helpless. She can’t go down there at all cause she has to care for my step dad. I think she would like it if my brother came here to stay. But he won’t. This is for the rest of his life.
I’ve been thinking about going down for a few days for a visit. I have credit stuck with virgin airlines from our cancelled trip in 2020. Id have to pay for accommodation though as I’d take my daughter too. But not sure I’m really in a place to do that though.

Im so sorry about your brother @Bow. It must be hard, especially with everything going on with your step dad. Could you see it as time away? Maybe a little reset?

Yeah maybe @Captain24

We have good friends there too, and someone told me that they have a spare car…. That would be really helpful to be able to use too… otherwise I would have to hire a car too.

I also wish that you could sleep better and that your evenings weren't so distressing dear @Bow 💜

I just had the most useless and distressing appointment with a pdoc registrar.

I had fears that he was going to be one that I had come across in the Ed and my fears were correct. I remember him from a presentation to the Ed. I went into a room to talk him and he had me in the far corner and he stood close to the door. Every time the security guard moved further away, this registrar moved with him… like he was scared to be left alone with me. He had me scheduled and admitted and didn’t even tell me. Transport just came to move me and I had no clue.

but anyways, the sole reasons I went to the appointment today was to address my sleep and to discuss ECT. He told me to just practice good sleep hygiene. Well hello. I do that. He told me to eat a balanced ‘diet’. Get some exercise. Do things that I enjoy. Pffft.

then we talked about it ECT. I told him I wanted to know if it could be done as an outpatient. And we talked briefly about my previous experience of ECT. He said he would discuss it with ppl as to whether it could be done. And then he asked how I would feel if it wasn’t suitable for me. Like would I accept that. Urgh.

He questioned my sessions with my dietitian. Whether I followed what she said. He questioned my previous work with old psychologist. He questioned my weight. How I felt about it, how I knew if I had put on weight.
Then… then he called me selfish. Selfish that I don’t think of my daughter when I try and unalive myself. I walked out. I know that I am so bloody selfish when I try and unalive myself, someone that know very little about me doesn’t need to remind me of that.

so my sleep has not be address. I’m just to put up with terrible sleep. And maybe after all my treating team have been pushing for me to have ECT and I finally agree to consider it, it probably won’t even be suitable for me. So nothing can help. Nothing is going to make things better. I have zero hope. So I might as well just be selfish and go.

I wish there was something I could say @Bow. I’m sorry it wasn’t helpful at all.

It seems like they don’t understand the distress we are in. He also obviously doesn’t understand ED’s and you don’t need that.
Sitting with you

Hi @Bow,

It sounds like today's appointment with the pdoc registrar was pretty rough. I am sorry this happened to you - it also sounds like not only didn't it help it just made things more difficult for you. My family member has had a lot of regular contact with mental health services over the years and whilst most of the time they have found a lot of support and comfort from the professionals on occasion they have been left quite distressed / upset by what a professional has said to them. I hope this type of negative experience doesn't happen to you again as I know how unhelpful / upsetting it can be.

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather

what makes people think they have the right to make such comments when someone is already feeling so vulnerable??? i just wanted help. i just wanted help with my sleep. i just wanted help to feel not so depressed. but all he did was make me feel worse. confirm what i already knew, that i am a terrible mother and my daughter deserves better.

@Bow 💜💜