My Mosaic

Do you want to go on like this? @Bow

Perhaps it's not asking how to go on like things, but rather, what can I do to change things so that I don't have to go on like this? From a borderline's mind, one is probably thinking, 'finish things off', but hope talks differently.

Have hope in things. When you have no hope, let others hope for you.

I have hope in you and for you.

No I can’t go on like this

dont want to go on like this

this is not living, it’s not a life

what else is there to do???

I’ve tried stuff

nothing is helping

thats why I wanna go

I hear you are hurting so much @Bow . I really do.

I've been down a similar road. I know only too well what that pain was like. It pains me just thinking about it.

Are you able to phone a helpline tonight?

Hi @Bow

Hoping you got through the night ok, got some sleep and today has some sunshine in it.

Have you got anything organised to do with your daughter today?

Hey @Snowie im still in bed. Guess I should get up. Another bad night with a lot of disturbed sleep. I’m tired. A bit headachy. Both cats are sitting here at my bed, they probably want their breakfast!

we don’t have anything planned today. Just a day at home, which will be nice.

how are you today? Got any plans?

Just got out of bed myself @Bow so no rush hon. If you are comfortable there then stay.

I was so worried about you last night hon, you brought a smile to my face seeing you on here this morning.

A day at home sounds nice. I'm sure your daughter will love the one on one time she has with you. How are her ears going?

We went to kmart yesterday and I brought a small DIY kit that I might start today.

Also last night about 7:30 got a message from my psychologist saying she had an opening today so I jumped on it. Means I don't have to go a month without seeing her.

So sorry to of caused you worry @Snowie

im still really not ok. I’m so tired of feeling exhausted yet not being able to allow myself to rest. My feet are so sore today, I have a number of sores on one foot, yet I’ve just pushed myself on that bloody treadmill. I can’t miss a day. I did reduce the amount of time I did today though cause my foot was just too painful- I will now spend the rest of the day beating myself up over that missed time. Now laying on my bed in tears.

I had decided last night that I would send my CM a text this morning about how much I am truly struggling. I’m not sure what good it will do sending her that information. She has a whole heap of other clients that are worse off than me and I’m just complaining. And what can she do??
But then she ended up calling this morning. Well she actually called my mum to talk to her about MY daughter???! I won’t go into details about why, but I was… am really annoyed that she called my mum to talk about MY daughter. I am her mother. I still parent her. Call me. My mum did pass the phone to me and I briefly spoke to her. But the phone call threw me. Wasn’t expecting it. And now I feel stupid texting her when I should have just spoke to her on the phone.

I don’t cry much. But the tears are flowing cause the exhaustion and pain is just too much today. I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

I can understand the frustration of your CM calling your mum about your daughter @Bow No matter what we are going through we still put our children first. We protect them from so much of what we are going through.

You had every right to message her hon. You are just as important as any other patient she has. You deserve the time and support. It is hard to imagine we are just as important as anyone else, so I can understand those feelings.

I am around for a bit if you need to someone to chat to or sit.