My Mosaic

It sounds like a productive day @Bow. I’m so glad you were able to ask for extra help over the weekend.

Your dietitian and GP sound very kind and caring.

They are both very lovely people @Captain24 both kind and caring. I was very fortunate to find my gp. When my ED started I went to 2 seperate gps asking for help. They were both very dismissive and so very unhelpful. I remember leaving the second one and falling in a heap outside and crying. I ended up in hospital the following day very unwell because of my ED. I share this because I so strongly believe that there needs to be more education around EDs for medical professionals. When I first seen my current gp, I explained what happened with the other 2 and she apologised and said she believes she could help me. And she has done so much. She set me up with my dietitian, who is ED and trauma informed. She is amazing! My dietitian let me vent so much today with everything that has happened the last couple of weeks. I know you see a dietitian now @Captain24 and I hope they are good… I hope it’s more than just ‘you should eat this and this’. Cause there is so much more involved with our relationship with food than just the food itself.

im sorry your in a bit of a mixed mood at the moment. Is this a first? Or how long does it usually last? I’m always depressed with tiny little peaks of feeling ok but then the I sink again.
Are you working over the Easter long weekend? Or do you have plans?

You are really lucky @Bow and I’m so glad you have them in your corner.

My new GP has been really thorough trying to get to the bottom of my health issues so we haven’t really discussed my MH yet. But he did say I could call him about it if I need to.

My dietitian is great. What we have worked on hasn’t helped me at all. So we changed strategies this time. My relationship with food is really unhealthy. When I start to eat I don’t know when to stop. So that’s where we are trying eating 6 times a day. She would prefer healthy options and has told me to ‘ride the wave’ when I want the sometimes foods. If after the wave I still want it then to have it.

If what I’m going through is a mixed episode then yes it’s my first. It’s really doing my head in. I don’t like it at all! Lol. Hopefully it settles soon.

I’ve got our usually Good Friday dinner tomorrow night with my parents and I bought some prawns to have for lunch. Saturday I’m going to a goat show with my bestie and her girlfriend. I have to help show her fathers goats. Yes you read that right! I’m really concerned as I have put so much weight on since they have all seen me and I’m scared of the judgement. I’m hoping to get out of Sunday as I want to go to church and it’s mums first Easter without nan. Then back to work Monday.

Do you have much planned over the weekend? Other than your 40th?

@Captain24 Sending hugs...

I'm glad you have additional support this weekend @Bow , especially with your birthday and birthday dinner this Saturday...

Sending hugs 💜

Glad that your gp is good @Captain24 and that they are sorting your health issues out. Mine is good with that too, she is so very thorough. I’m due for some routine female tests… heaps not looking forward to them! I’ll be 40 too and mum wants me to start having mammograms. My grandmother died of breast cancer and I’ve had ovarian cancer too, so need to look into that.

good that your dietitian is changing things to suit you and how you are going. It’s so important that they work with you and not force things. I like that mine is like that. She asked me yesterday if I was ready to add lunch I said no. And she is fine with that.

Really hope that your mixed episode settles for you soon!

The goat show sounds interesting!

My daughter has been at her fathers this afternoon. I came home and went to bed as I had a horrible headache, managed to have a nap and have woken feeling a little bit better. Don’t really have many plans other than my birthday.

Thanks for checking in @NatureLover 💕

community mh stopped by this morning. 2 guys, one being the person that I spoke to yesterday on the phone, which was good. I do like talking to him, his actually one of the psychologists on the team. I could have opted to see him as my new psychologist perhaps, but he is a little too in my face. Like he stood rather close to me when talking to me today and moves around a lot and uses his hands a lot! I like quiet! Slow! Lol but he is nice and remembers stuffs and knows me, which I appreciate.

anyways, they were here for a while. Asked how I went last night, made sure there was a plan in place for the rest of today and tomorrow and then the team would be back on Sunday to check in. he did ask if there was anything that was concerning me that perhaps I wasn’t being too forthcoming with them about. Saying that I often see the team and then walk away wishing that I had said something. I really appreciated him asking this. I told him that last year, the day after my birthday I took a massive o d and this was playing on my mind a lot. I said I have no plan at the moment but I was struggling. We talked about this a little and he said that they would make sure the folks on Sunday know and understand to be aware of it.

im just laying in bed now. It’s kinda been nice to have a restful afternoon. My daughter will be home any time now and we are having fish and chips for dinner.

Hey @Bow sorry about your headache. I’ve had a bad one for 2 days and then I realised I hadn’t had enough water. Oops!

I’m going to come home covered in mud, goat poo and goat slobber and I’ll stink of goat! But it will be a bit of fun.

Im glad you were able to tell the MH team your concerns I'm sure it wasn’t easy. It’s good that he will pass it on for when they come on Sunday.

As for mammograms, I’ve been having them since I was 30. I’m now 45. They are good for picking things up early. I’ve also had ultrasounds and MRI’s on them. It’s 5 minutes of discomfort for price of mind. As for the other female checks. I haven’t had one in years..

Fish’n’chips sounds good. We had salmon croquettes. It’s out usual Good Friday night dinner.

My mixed episode has now turned to rapid cycling. I was putting things in place to end it earlier and at the moment I can say I’m safe. I’m feeling flat but I can feel the darkness under the surface. I just have to put my big girl pants on and suck it up. I have people relying on me.

I hope you are doing ok and not worrying too much about your birthday. I love other people’s birthdays just not my own. 40 is a big achievement though especially with what you have been through.

Yeah, water, or more so the lack of water will do that to you eh @Captain24 im terrible at keeping my fluids up. Partly I just forget- I’ve always been like that. Get to the end of the day and am so thirsty cause I ain’t drank anything all day. Also linked into my ED. One of my dietitian goals from my appointment yesterday is that I’m going to try and have a glass of orange juice with dinner. I always have a glass of cordial or diet soda, so have been encouraged to swap it for something a bit more nutritionally better

Im hoping the same guy will come out on Sunday. He was looking at my paintings, including the one I’m currently working on. And I had agreed to do painting this afternoon as part of the plan to get through the day. He made the comment that he was taking a mental image so when he comes back Sunday he can see the difference

30 is a young age to start having mammograms isn’t @Captain24 ? Do you have a family history? I don’t feel too overly anxious about having on, but the other women’s test, that’s a whole nother story! But I am at higher risk due to my previous ovarian cancer. So must put my big girl pants on to

what does rapid cycling look like? I’m glad to read that you are safe. Are you able to dispose of or put well away the things that you had gathered?

thanks @Captain24 yeah 40 feels like a pretty significant birthday and I really don’t have much to show for it all. Single, haven’t even tipped my toes in the dating world since my marriage ended. Live with my folks. Unemployment completely now. So incredibly fat and overweight and am so ashamed of it all that I just choose to isolate ourselves

I’m terrible at drinking water too @Bow. But it is also one thing I have to try for the dietitian!

I really hope you get the same guy. At least you are a little comfortable with him.

I found my first lump at 29. Plus my grandmother died of it too. So I’ve had biopsies done on them. I have 3 so far. So I’m under constant monitoring. The most recent set including the MRI were due to skin changes. That’s where the vitiligo diagnosis comes from.

Rapid cycling can mean going from being ok or high to deeply depressed in a matter of hrs. But can also go back up as quick. It’s like being on a roller coaster. I have put everything away to remove temptation. Bed is my safe place so I’m heading there soon.

I spent my 40th crying as I had nothing. I’d been demoted at work, had no parter and no kids. I’d just received an eviction notice as I couldn’t afford rent. Plus I was deeply depressed which I didn’t realise until now. I still have no partner and not interested in finding one but after turning 40, aside from my MH, I don’t really worry about that stuff anymore. I realise life is what it is. It’s like I don’t need to fit into that box of expectations anymore. I hope you can find that too.

I do get isolating yourself. I’m ashamed too. I’m really concerned about the judgment I will get tomorrow at the show. But I think it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside it’s the person you are on the inside.