Things have been really challenging for me this week and I’ve just needed some time away. I’m still not sure I am ready to come back, maybe I just shouldn’t be here at all. I get triggered, I trigger others and I always get into trouble and I don’t feel like I have much to offer anyone else.
Things are really difficult at home still with my step dad.
My sleep is still really bad. My increase in meds a few weeks ago didn’t do anything. I seen my case manager on Wednesday and I told her I am desperate for something to just knock me out of a night. Nights are the hardest and I just don’t want to deal with them. My psychiatrist happened to be in and was free, so we went and chatted with her. She adjusted my meds… reduced them… and gave me an over the counter pharmacy only med, but unfortunately that didn’t do anything. So now I am stuck with reduced meds and still no sleep. I do however have some regular PRN for during the day, hopefully that helps a little. I reported to my case manager this morning that the changes haven’t done anything. I will see her again on Wednesday. I am afraid that getting my sleep sorted out will involve a complete med change and a hospital admission which I just can’t do at the moment.
Im very tired today. But I still punish myself and push myself on the treadmill. My ED won’t relent in that regard. My body is also aching a lot. I hold so much tension in my body all the time. My neck, shoulders and face. I’ve had a headache all day.
Anyways, that’s enough, just a somewhat brief update. 🎀
