My Mosaic

@Emelia8 Yes I will continue to see my psychologist weekly. I was seeing her twice a week, we have cancelled Wednesday’s appointment this week, but she is going to call me to check in with me still.

She wants to support me through this period. Wants to make sure my vulnerable child is being taken care of, wants to make sure the helpless and abuser parts of me are being held at bay.

So yes, I will continue to see her.

I just don’t want to be all consumed by this…. By grief…. By sadness.

@Paperdaisy Yeah trying hard to not see it as a failure. Talked that through with my psychologist today. I’m still a bit frustrated by it. But I think maybe it is a good idea to put it on hold for a short period of time, at least until I can sort my sleep out. I had my meds increased recently and that hasn’t done anything to improve my sleep. I’m taking my meds at 8pm and I’m still awake at midnight, and then I wake multiple times and then it takes me 1/2hr at least to get back to sleep. Then my day starts at 7am.

yep the not knowing and waiting in limbo really sucks.

@Bow Most others have already said it - you're not a failure for taking some time to focus on other things - with everything going on, it may be difficult to be able to focus on the therapeutic process anyway. I am truly sorry to hear about your step-father, it's always gonna be hard stuck in the waiting game.

I hope you're able to be slow and gentle w yourself, just take it day by day. I also feel like when you are ready to start up the exposure therapy again, you can jus let your psych know.

Give your inner child a big hug from me 💜

Thanks heaps @Jynx

Yeah it has been difficult at times to stay focused with everything else that has been going. Even my eating disorder gets in the way sometimes!

and yep, I’m pretty sure she will let us restart it when I am ready

Hey @Bow you’re not a failure at all. In fact I think you’re amazing.

We all have different paths to recovery and sometimes we have to stop for a while and just deal with life but it doesn’t mean we’ve failed. You’ll get back to it soon enough.

Focus on today my beautiful friend. 💙🌼🙏🌼💙

I agree with everyone else @Bow. You are not a failure. You have to look after yourself and you can only do so

much. You need to look after yourself.

Hi @Bow , you can only do what you can do. It's OK.

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@Bow wrote:

We tend to put them in seperate chairs and I can point at the chairs when I get those intrusive thoughts from each part.

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I'm impressed with this concept 👍

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@Bow wrote:

I did 10mins less today!

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Yay!

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@Bow wrote:

We finally have palliative care coming tomorrow. They will do an assessment.

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I hope this goes smoothly...

I feel absolutely awful today. Hardly any sleep again last night and a very vivid and terrifying nightmare when I did sleep. I woke shaking and crying and took me ages to calm down and get back to sleep. I’ve been awake since 4am.
I can’t keep living like this. It’s so bloody exhausting. Just can’t bare it anymore. I want out n now

Oh no, @Bow ! 😞

Can you go back and say that your sleep meds increase isn't enough?

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@Bow wrote:

I can’t keep living like this. It’s so bloody exhausting. Just can’t bare it anymore. I want out n now

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Concerned for you...When do you next see one of your treating team?

@NatureLover My psychologist is calling me tomorrow and then I will usually see my case manager Thursday or Friday.

im going to try and get to my arts and craft group this afternoon with my peer worker. I won’t tell her much though. I told her last week that I had a lot of SI and she responded in a very serious stern voice “oh I will need to report that”.

I bought my daughter a single red rose when I went and did the groceries this morning. Looking forward to giving it to her when she gets home from school.