My Mosaic

Oh that was a bad one

disappeared for a long time

sorry @tyme

I am happy for you @Bow that you managed to write down and "get the words out" yesterday in your psychologist appt. Well done 🙂

I'm sorry to hear your step dad has deteriorated so much though 😞

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@Bow wrote:

Thanks @NatureLover im hoping that this helps enough for me to also move on with my life, enough so that it’s not so debilitating. But I do also have other traumas….

how are you doing my friend? How’s your cleaning going? Your 1hr extra?

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Thanks for asking, I'm OK, not managing 1 hour but doing maybe 15-20 minutes, it's a start.

I'm sorry you have so many traumas 😞 Sending 💜

Hey @Bow

Sorry I fell asleep last night. This last month has taken a lot out of me.

As for the funeral I can honestly say all that matters is that those close to him are there. There was maybe 20 people at nans. She had 7 kids and not all of them came. It’s a pretty fractured family. But to me all that mattered was that I was there. She still had a lovely send off anyway.

Thanks for sharing @Captain24

Im really tired today. Didn’t sleep well at all. I had my night meds increased last Friday and it hasn’t done anything! I so desperately want something that will actually knock me out and make me go to sleep. Instead my head just goes round and round thinking about stuff that I don’t wanna think about.

I had multiple nightmares last night. And my daughter also ended up in my bed at some point due to the thunderstorm.

this morning I got a call from my case manager and I went and seen her. I forgot to take notes. Forgot to write down things that I should tell her, I think mostly cause it was a last minute arrangement. I can’t tell anyone how bad things are in my head anyways, I need to stay well and out of hospital.

my step dad woke this morning and they had decided that he was going to go to hospital. But in between making that decision and giving him a wash before he went , he had changed his mind. I think that frustrates mum. They have both gone back to bed, he coughed a lot last night so mum is tired too.

need to stay strong for everyone… but really inside I’m far from that, far from being ok

Sitting with you this afternoon. Hold in there. I hear this is a very difficult place to be in right now. @Bow

Thanks @tyme

I need to sit down at my desk and do some actual work. But I have zero motivation to do it. I hate my job, don’t enjoy it anymore.

what are you up to today @tyme ?

Actually, that's something I've never asked. Work. What sort of work do you do? @Bow

Actually, I'll be heading off soon, so I won't be around. Other mods will be taking over. But I will be back later tonight.

@tymehoping that you will come back and read this..... i am employed by my church 4 hrs a week to do admin/social media type work. ive been doing it for 5 yrs and really enjoyed it when i first started. did lotsa admin work, webpage updates, newsletters, powerpoint presentations, rosters, social media stuff and anything extra my old pastor wanted me to help with. we hosted a big state wide conference which i helped to organise. but when covid hit, there wasnt really much for me to do cause church wasnt in person. then my old pastors resigned and my new pastors are... very different. he is terrible with admin stuff- he has admitted that. things have just changed so much.

then last year i was in hospital so much, i still did the essential stuff though even while in hospital. but late last year they had a meeting with me and decided to cut my hours cause of being in hospital and basically my mental health. although cause of his terrible admin skills he is only just now getting around to changing my contract. i will be casual, i will be paid for the work that i do. im honestly not sure it will be worth the hassle. like yesterday i sent out the roster reminders, that consisted of sending 10 text messages and it took me 3 minutes. i create a social media post on a friday about church on sunday, that takes me a couple of minutes. thats what i do every week. today i updated our welcome packs cause we ran out on sunday and they hadnt been updated in a long time. that took me 1/2hr.

im also not attending church much. but i feel obligated to go cause i am employed. at the moment i dont want to be there.

it would be nice to just be free from it all.

struggling to keep my word today

Hugs my dear @Bow - were you able to speak to someone on the phone today?