My Mosaic

So hard to feel safe. I don’t trust myself at the moment. I don’t trust what I could be capable of doing when feeling like this.

I do trust my psychologist though, I know that she knows what she is doing.

my daughter has finally settled down. I’m going to take a shower and see if that helps.

Let us know how you go @Bow I will email you as well.

Hey @Bow.

Im just popping in to say I’m thinking of you. I hope you feel a little stronger today.

Same as @Captain24 , I'm just here to say that I am thinking of you @Bow .

I know you will get through all this, and come out the other side feeling much stronger.

Its going to take time though, and of course there will be times you will feel its all too much. Times you will want to drop out, call it quits. But I know you are ready for this. Your therapist would not have started you on this therapy journey if she did not think you were ready. And you have stated that you have confidence and trust in your therapist. That is immensely important during this intensely triggering therapy. Keep going, you are doing great.

Bear in mind that what you are remembering now, those thoughts and feelings you are reliving in the extreme ... that's not real any more. Its all in the past. You got through that then. You will get through this now @Bow . This is easy in comparison, despite what your mind and body is trying to say to you. This ... now ... what you are remembering ... is not real. Keep telling yourself that.

What you are going through with this Prolonged Exposure Therapy will get easier. Thoughts, feelings, mental and physical distress will begin to ease. But you must see it through @Bow

@Bow hoping today is going a little better for you

I feel so incredibly broken today. Falling apart.

i went to my appointment this morning and was honest with my psychologist about how I was yesterday afternoon and evening. I fessed up to SH’ing- it had been such a long time. I explained to her that I needed to punish myself for not doing this therapy properly. She questioned me and I told her that I guess I had expectations that this wouldn’t be so slow, that I’d be further along. She assured me that there is nothing wrong with the pace, and that these things take time. That we only got the story out last week.

I will see her Monday and Wednesday next week. Monday will be the anniversary of the assault. She gave me the option of skipping Monday if I just wanted to put it in a box and forget about it. I said no, I won’t be able to just forget it and that I want to come in.

thank you @Emelia8 @Captain24 @Snowie

I think you are incredible @Bow with what you are doing with your therapist takes so much strength.

It is good that you have an appointment on Monday with her. Even if you don't get to the exposure therapy, at least you will have some support for the day.

Gee @Bow please don't become impatient or disheartened over the progress (or your perceived lack of progress) of your therapy. It takes as long as it takes and everyone is different. Your therapist will adjust as she goes along depending on how things go, and what additional 'stuff' comes up along the way. And to be honest with you, I think it sounds like you are making very sound progress.

Trust the process. Treat yourself as an individual, as this is not a contest. Nothing to be won or gained by finishing first or fastest. The only person who stands to win here, is you. But you can only win if you take the process through each step, one tiny bit at a time. And only as much as you can manage at a time. The hard work you do now, the solid base you are building, will hopefully mean you can make faster progress down the track. But not until you are ready. I hope this makes sense?

Today it is hard to tell what is real and what is not.

what I see, what I feel and what I smell, all on that night.

When I am thrown to the ground and he is there. Amongst the dirt and twigs. I can’t move. I can’t scream. I have no voice.

You are amazing @Bow. Well done for keep going and doing your best.

You really are an inspiration to me.