My Mosaic

@creative_writer There is 12 yrs difference between me and my younger brother- different dad. We aren’t close!

I spent most of the afternoon on the bike and doing my nails. I pedal while the coats dry and watch tv.

How are you feeling? Do you have much on tomorrow?

Pictures in my head

odour I can still smell

pains in my body

i keep seeing, keep remembering, things that I haven’t shared. She says it’s all important and nothing should go unsaid.

Hey @Bow long time no speak. Sorry to hear you're having such vivid imagery, but good on you for talking about it. One of our lovely staff shared some very helpful resources with the team recently, so if you're in the right headspace to do a bit of reading I thought this one was very helpful in understanding trauma memories. One of the highlights for me was the line, "You will learn that the trauma memory and related sensations are not the same as the actual event and can be tolerated."

For right now, stepping slowly through some grounding or doing a light activity in a mindful way might help you reconnect with the present. Here with you 💜

Thanks @Jynx I don’t know if I’m in the right headspace to read that at the moment. sorry.

I have begun some exposure therapy with my psychologist this past week. I had two really intense sessions on Tuesday and Wednesday and I also seen her on Monday too. We will continue the work on Monday and Tuesday.

Really struggling to stay present tonight and not disappear. Starting this therapy has made it all so much worse.

I really question my decision to do this therapy. It’s opened up so much that I just wanna put a lid on. I don’t know how long it’s gonna take but I don’t know if I can keep doing it

@Bow it is very understandable that you would be feeling extra fragile and overwhelmed at the moment - especially trying something new. It might feel very uncomfortable for a while. I can really see you're putting in the work - you are so brave (even if you don't feel it!)

One step at a time Bow. Despite wanting to disappear, I want to acknowledge that you're still here and reaching out in a way that isn't shaming yourself; I see you, I hear you. 💜

I just wanted to go for a walk I just wanted some fresh air and some space to calm down I didn’t ask for this to happen I didn’t ask for him to assault me and do what he did to me he destroyed me he broke me down and left me alone left amongst the leave and twigs on the ground covered in dirt alone and scared in the dark what was I suppose to do where was I to go why me why did he pick me I wish he didn’t pick me I wish it didn’t happen

Going to email you @Bow keep an eye out. Deep breaths.