My Mosaic

Horrible. Bloody horrible day. Tired of the hatred. Tired of the course of destruction that I am on.

was here considering the end. Planning it. D comes in upset, says that she thought of something scary. Eventually managed to get her to tell me…. Said that she thought that someone would break in and shoot me with a gun and she would be all alone.
this is not the first time that I have sat considering the end and my d has come in and said something like this.
it should make me reconsider things. But it doesn’t. It makes me want the end even more. Cause I am such a terrible person. A horrible mum. She deserves better. And I can’t give that to her.

@Bow hey there, I am sorry you are feeling this way, you are not a terrible mum, and you are doing the best you can and are worthy of support and care. I have sent you an email checking in, please let us know you are ok and will be ok for tonight, and if you need some grounding support

Gonna go try and sleep. Just finished talking to helpline.

Oh thats great @Bow I am glad you spoke to them, thank you so much for letting us know. Please take care of yourself

Here’s some hugs and a good night load of love for you @Bow

Thinking of you and praying for you tonight.

🤗🤗🙏🙏🤗🤗❤️❤️🤗🤗🙏🙏🤗🤗❤️❤️

So sorry you have this severe depression and self-hatred, @Bow 💔

I wish we could take it away for you 😞

Feel like I’m waving the white flag 🏳 😩

Hey there @Bow

I’m around this morning on forums 💜

And this has me rather concerned to be honest. I am going to check in with you via email.

Please also, I know you have your preferred helplines you reach out to, but I am also going to just remind you & pop them here in case you’d like a quick reference.

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Please stay safe @Bow I mean it when I say “You are very precious”.

💜🤗💜🤗💜🤗💜

Oh my @Bow

You sound entirely overwhelmed at the moment.
You must be in such excruciating pain.
Life is really hard.
The world seems such a cruel, cold place lately.
We’re all here with no real idea what we should be doing and instead of loving and encouraging one another as we try to navigate this crazy life, we spit hate, condemn and hurt..

Wherever you are, know that I’m sending you warm, waves of love and care. You are worthy and you are absolutely good enough.
The first post in this thread says

‘So many tiny parts, some messy if we look just at the one part. Some day i guess I’d hope that the mess of my life will at some point look half decent’

I find this so comforting. You’re lost at the moment. All of these messes make for a beautiful work of art.

Both the light and the dark serve us.
we need adversity to truly appreciate the bliss.
Be kind to yourself. Nurture you the way you would nurture your child. We’re all just trying to figure it out.