My Mosaic

I’m still here. Don’t wanna be though.

I seen my psychologist today. It was rough. I hit a wall many times. Couldn’t get the words out. I told her I was scared of how she would respond if she knew honestly what was going on inside. I told her that the little girl inside needs to be protected and kept safe from the destroyer. I think I frustrated my psychologist today when I put that wall up. I frustrated myself. This is why therapy is so bloody hard for me. I can’t get words out that need to be spoken.

i tried to be as honest as I could. Told her plans I had made… we talked about ways to keep safe.

We talked about a planned admission. She is going to look into it. We never know what will happen if I present to the ED, so maybe a planned admission would be better.

My case manager is away this week. That sucks. Heaps.

My psychologist called me this afternoon. We threw some things in the bin together. And she spoke to my mum. We both agreed that perhaps my mum needed to know that I’m not in a very good place.

😩💔

Hi @Bow ,

Tonight sounds really tough 💛 I'm glad to hear you have taken steps with your psychologist to maintain your safety, sometimes that can be hard to do on our own. Sending hugs and hope ⛅

@Bow sorry things are so incredibly tough 💔

Wishing for hope and a turnaround for you soon...

Well said @Sambo

Hoping for an admission for you @Bow if that's what you feel you need. Stay strong 🙏 💝

@Bow 🙏 👀👂💝

Feel like the rug has been pulled from underneath me this week…. At a time where I’m feeling incredibly vulnerable and unsafe. Use to having regular contact with my case manager throughout the week… Currently feeling really alone and deserted.

I can relate to that @Bow . Since I came out of my 3 weeks in MH ward in hospital, my psych has not been available coz her kids have come down with covid one at a time. Its two weeks tomorrow since I came out. And in all honesty, I think I should be back in there. The head pdoc tried to convince me to stay longer, but stubborn ole me wouldnt hear of it. Sigh. I see my GP tomorrow, and will see what he thinks.

I see that SANE are cutting back on services for a time too, as part of their transition. But it is worrying for us out here. 😕

Are you still considering a planned admission? May be just what you need. And something you can feel in control of. 👍💝

Hi @Emelia8,

Just checking in to make sure you and anyone reading along is feeling supported around the news re. the upgrade to SANEs services.

With things being tough out there at the moment for some of us, due to covid related postponements and difficulties accessing regular supports, I want to acknowledge that forum members who regularly access SANE one-to-one supports might have some concerns.

I just wanted to reconfirm that the forums will be fully operational during this time. We encourage you to reach out with any questions or concerns you may have here.

Rhye ☘️

I’m sorry things are so difficult for you @Emelia8 it really is a difficult decision at times whether or not we are ready for discharge from them places. We don’t at all like being in there, but sometimes it’s the best place for us at times. I hope that you and your gp are able to make a decision tomorrow that best suits where you are at at the moment. If you feel like you should be back in hospital then perhaps that’s where you should be? Only you can really make that final call.

Yes I did read about the transition and the reduced support and felt a little….. I don’t know. Too many a time where being able to talk to someone has been a life saver for me…. Too many a time. Anyways.

Someone from my CM team called me today… finally. And someone will come visit on Sunday. Really just not the same though. He asked if I would reach out and call them before if I needed to. I said yes, but really don’t think I would. Really not in a good place.

I didn’t hear back from my psychologist about a planned admission. Probably takes some time

to organise? And probably something that my case manager needs ti head up? Or they need to speak with my pdoc there too? Big part of me knows it’s where I need to be, but I really don’t wanna be there. Urgh.

i just feel like I’m in a deep dark pit and no way out. I frequently have SI, but not like this for a while. It’s scary. I feel really sad about so many things. I should shut up sorry.

All too much tonight