My Mosaic

@Bow Hmm.. maybe Nurse-on-call can suggest something to use at home. I know you are very capable of taking care of yourself and know when to ask for help. You've got this, Bow.

I hope the night passes quick for you and tomorrow brings a little relief..🤞 The sun always makes me feel a tiny bit better after a rough night ⛅

I'm heading off shortly but will see you next time 🤗

Sphinxly ❤️

P.S. Just saw your most recent post after I posted this message. The 24hr services are there for you. Be gentle on yourself.

@Bow I'm so sorry that the SH is so bad for you at the moment, and that you need medical attention but are scared to get it 😞 I hope you can find a way to get it...Could you maybe buy some dressings at the chemist and then ring Nurse On Call?

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@Bow wrote:

@NatureLover It’s got a big sign that says it’s called safe haven. But that’s all. I think it’s just word of mouth really. I’ve had a lot of people that I’ve been in contact with over the last few months tell me about it. But it’s not widely advertised which is unfortunate.

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Thank you for explaining - I'm just so impressed by this cafe. I wish there were more of them!

Well… it’s been a day.

i messaged my case manager early this morning and asked if I could come in a bit earlier for my appointment with the pdoc so that I could talk with her. I went in and told her how bad things have got with my SH and that I need some help. That I’m not feeling ok about it. I told her I probably need to see my gp but didn’t want to have that conversation with reception to get an urgent appointment. CM said she would call and make the appointment for me. Relief for that part.

im not sure I really got any where with my pdoc. I told her about my SH and how bad it was. Showed her some of it. I think perhaps part of me feels that I need an admission? Break the cycle cause I don’t know if I can do it on my own. She didn’t really seem too concerned. Suggested I try ice.
We then talked about me needing to eat and drink more. That my body needs more so that my brain can function better and work on trauma stuff…. I know, psychologist has spoken about that numerous times. She also said to keep prescribing the nightmare meds I need to drink more.
I walked away not really feeling heard about my SH. And just frustrated I guess.

Went to my gp, was feeling really lightheaded, blood pressure was really low and then I nearly passed out. She decided to call an ambulance, but they must of been busy, because nearly 2 hrs later, and having managed to drink some water, I said I would just go home. BP was a little better, but drops when I stand. Had my wounds dressed and will go back for a check up in the morning.

I still feel lightheaded and queasy. I’m tired and feel washed out. Tired of everything feeling so bloody hard. 😩

@Bow I'm sorry you feel unheard, that must make this all the more harder. I'm hearing that you need some more help and don't feel you can do this on your own. I'm wondering if you would take yourself down to your local hospital or would that feel too confronting? Perhaps if you did, you would get that admission that it sounds like you want? Perhaps that would be a step in the right direction?

Here with you tonight @Bow I understand how hard everything feels for you right now. It sounds like you know what you need. 💝

Yeah that’s too confronting. I don’t wanna go down to the hospital. Not now.
And perhaps not necessarily what I want….. but what I need?

anyways, I won’t be long out of bed I think. Managed some toast. BP still very low and I don’t feel good at all.

I hope you get some good rest tonight @Bow Agree that sometimes what we want and need are two different things but please take good care of yourself 💝

@Bow Well done for arranging to see your case manager, resulting in her making the appt with your GP that was needed, and also one today.

I'm sorry to hear your pdoc didn't seem to hear you about the SH. 😞

I hope today is better for you...

Thanks @NatureLover

I’ve just been to my gp appointment where she threatened to cancel my drivers license cause my blood pressure drops too much when I stand 😩

She said I need to start taking some responsibility. Drink more water. It won’t make you put weight on. If only it was all that easy……

what’s the point anymore

Good morning @Bow,

I would like to acknowledge your strength and courage to keep reaching out and asking for help.

I have a lived experience of an eating disorder and can relate to the struggles of trying to find the correct support. It took me many years to finally choose the support needed, rather than the type I wanted. It was the turning point and life changing experience that has allowed me to live a life free of food obsession and self destructive behaviour. Everybody's journey is individual and I hope you will find the care that you need.

I am curious whether you have ever considered going into an inpatient clinic?

Thank you

Butterfly Beauty ❤️

Hi @Former-Member thanks for sharing a bit of journey with me.

there aren’t many inpatient stays available here. A psych ward is not really helpful for my eating disorder and all my supports agree with that. There is an inpatient ED unit in sydney which I am on the waiting list for, but the wait is expected to be long due to it being closed for ages with covid. And I’ve also been told that a lot of their inpatient is for refeeding and very unwell underweight people. And I don’t have private health, so that’s off the cards to private clinics.

a medical admission previously helped a lot. But that’s not always an option. I have to get so bad that I am medically unstable. There needs to be more options in the public system.