My Mosaic

Hey @Bow 🎀

I'm sorry things are feeling so tough right now. There is nothing wrong with having a good cry sometimes. You are going through a lot and it can feel like a lonely space to be sometimes when no one else knows the true extent of it all. Please know that you are not selfish at all for feeling the way that you are right now. We can often minimise our own pain by comparing it to other, "bigger", problems.

You have shown up here today to give yourself some space and that takes courage.

Take good care of yourself today. We are here to support 💛

thinking of you @Bow sending lots of love 💕💕

SH has taken hold of me in recent weeks. When covid struck and I ate more and exercised less, self harm was a way to punish myself and take out that frustration that was building inside.

Now I’m back to my usual ED behaviours of restricting and exercising, I’m still self harming, sometimes it’s daily. It’s getting worse. I’m scared, really scared myself last night. I need help. But I don’t know how. I need to get them looked at but I am terrified of the comments. I wish there was some mental health only place that I could go to that was medically equipped to manage this stuff and not just community mh who can’t do anything.

I cancelled my last gp appointment, so if I am to go back there I will have to rock up and ask the front desk ladies to squeeze me in- cause there are no appointments for like 10days and explain why- which I don’t want to do. I don’t wanna waste hospital time and I can’t deal with the comments.

Im due to see my community mh psychiatrist in the morning. I will message my case manager to see if I can pop in a bit earlier to talk with her. Maybe she will have some suggestions? The team didn’t come out in the end today. They called, but I didn’t say much.

Im in pain. It hurts the worst it ever has. It’s painful

to walk and move. I just wanna crawl into bed. But I know that I will end up doing it again tonight. I’ve eaten so much today…. Or what feels like so much. I mowed the lawns today, so to avoid a repeat of last time and fainting, I ate breakfast, not that it really helped with my lightheadedness, but it triggered the hunger cues and I ate lunch too. I’m disgusting. So fat. That’s why I know how tonight will end. Sigh 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😭😭

Hey @Bow,

That's an incredibly tough space to be in where the SH keeps you here but is also taking a huge toll. I wish there was something I could say to alleviate the emotional torture you must be feeling, Bow. We're right here with you and holding space.

It sounds like you're in a crisis space at the moment and potentially need medical attention. I really encourage you to contact one of your crisis services off the forums so they can give you one-to-one support.

It would also be helpful to contact Nurse-On-Call (1300 60 60 24) to get some advice about whether you need immediate medical attention and how to care for wounds.

If you feel worse, do call 000.

Let us know how you go.

We're here with you,

Sphinxly ❤️

I am sitting with you hon. I know it’s hard to control our sh when we feel bad about ourselves and our behaviour.

I often resort to sh and don’t know where to turn either as it can be difficult to get into my GP.

Do you have your Hope Box at home with you? Maybe start thinking of what can go in there might help tonight @Bow

You are a treasure, keep being the true you. Can you go to the Safe Haven tomorrow?

💙🎀💙

Thanks @Former-Member and @Eve7

@Eve7 i don’t have my Hope box, we finish them off this week and then bring them home. But I have put together some pictures that I want to put in it. I won’t go to safe haven, I’m hoping to speak with my case manager before I see the psychiatrist tomorrow. That will help I think. I am a bit scared what the psychiatrist is going to do, how she will respond to where I am at.

@Former-Member huge toll..,.. emotional torture…. Yes, that’s it. It’s all really shitty. I’ve tried talking to crisis lines the last couple of days, they really don’t help. I just can’t deal with that tonight. I will just push through tonight…. However that may end. I know that I need medical attention, but will wait for tomorrow. I’ve not called nurse on call before…. I need dressings which I don’t have. So not much I can do unfortunately.

Maybe think about your Hope box @Bow and the treasures that will be in it.

It can often be a worry what our pdoc will do can’t it? I go in scared that I’ll be admitted and I’ve come out more scared when I haven’t been admitted…crazy I know!

I’m. home alone and about to tackle the ironing before I go to bed tonight.

Lots of love

💕

Oh @Eve7 what you said about being admitted and not being admitted….. oh gosh, that rings so true. It’s scary eh.

Yes @Bow

There is just no stopping me 😩😩

wish my meds would knock me out for once