My Mosaic

Dear @Bow

I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must feel for you.

Words won't come close so I'm leaving you lots of squishy hugs, some love and a mirror to see the beautiful soul that we all see here every single day.

Love to you sweet Bow ❤️

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Thank you @Anastasia

Covid fatigue is kicking in today. Playing tag team with my mum. She’s gone for a nap. I’ll go for one later. D is fine. Waiting for more rain.

Not many words tonight just 😭

((((( @Bow )))))

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

Morning @Bow,

I'm sorry to hear you've been hit with the dreaded C word. Nobody needs that, not even at the best of times 💙

How are you managing with it all today? I hope you've been able to get some rest and you're closer to being on the mend. Let us know if there's anything you need today.

Rhye☘️

You know what is so hard about recovery… the constant fear of disappointing people, including myself.

i had an appointment with my dietitian this morning, she was pleased to see that I have been eating so much better. But the only reason that is happening is cause my appetite always increases when I am sick. I have some energy today and am feeling a better, so I am on the treadmill now and I know that the restricting will follow.

my dietitian believes I have serve gastroparesis, it sucks. I’ve been here before but not this bad. She said the best way to treat it is to keep eating. Don’t restrict. It’s a vicious cycle. I start eating better, I get gastroparesis, which then makes me want to restrict cause that stops it. I restrict for ages. Then I eventually start eating again and then it starts all over again. There is a medication to help, but last time my ED psychiatrist said no. Eating disorders mess with your gut sooo very much.

I spoke with my dietitian about my SH- it’s all linked. She was going to speak with my gp and psychologist. I was relieved that she was going to flag it with them for me. My CM called a little while ago and I thought maybe she had spoken with my dietitian… CM and Psych work at the same place. She didn’t say anything and I was too scared to. So stupid. 😩

Hey @Bow,

I'm hearing that disappointment @Bow, particularly within yourself, and that must feel hard to sit with.

From what I'm gathering in your post above it seems like you've been able to recognise a pattern that has emerged over the past couple of days in relation to your ED and distress. If that sits right with you, I'm wondering whether you feel like there is something you'd be able to implement today in terms of self-care?

You mentioned that your dietitian was going to speak to your GP and psychologist but you haven't heard anything directly from her re. an outcome on that conversation, or whether it has taken place. Do you feel it might be something you could follow up today, or perhaps reach out to your GP/psychologist?

Rhye☘️

I find disappointment really hard to sit with. It’s been an constant theme over the years.

im currently on the treadmill. It feels good to be moving my body. And trying to see it as just that, moving my body, nice and gentle. Not a form of punishment or something that I need to do to earn food.

i think it’s the unknown with my psychologist and gp that is hard. How will they respond? I know my psych ain’t in today so I won’t hear from her until next week.

We can be our own worst critics sometimes @Bow. That feeling of being driven by your own inner drill sargent, which is what it's felt like for me in the past, is so exhausting. Not sure if you can relate?

It sounds like approaching gentle exercise from a place of self-care is a step in the right direction, but I hope it's okay to add that if that inner critic kicks in whilst on the treadmill, I trust that you'll be equally gentle with yourself in response.

I just want to say that I know it feels like a battle, which is why going gently with yourself is super important. You do deserve that kindness @Bow