My Mosaic

Hi @Bow , sending wishes for you...

Thank you @NatureLover @Eve7

I’m tired today. I wish I could get a decent nights sleep. But I’m up and I have my support group on this morning.

hope you both have an alright day

💕

I hope you get some positives from your support group today @Bow

💙🙏💙

Group was good this morning. Feel like I am more comfortable each week to share a little bit more.

Got home and asked mum how my step dad was. She said his the same as last night. She then asked if it was ok with me if he came home and she nursed him (to die at home). That feels really overwhelming, but I said of course it is ok. It is ok. No idea what that is all going to look like. And how it will impact my D.

i need to be well. Need to get my shit together

😩

Some Drs have zero care and compassion and are so blunt.

Oh @Bow I'm sorry about your stepdad. That is huge!!!!

Having just lived through nursing Dad I urge you to seek professional opinions about the effects it may have on you and your daughter. Whilst she will no doubt be a little sheltered she will witness the turmoil of emotions around her.

I'm still not sleeping, I have vivid recollections of things I wish I never witnessed, let alone my darling Father going through it.

Happy to talk, listen if you have questions hunny. Here for you x

Was hoping that you might share a little @Anastasia but didn’t want to ask cause it’s still so fresh and new for you. So thank you 💕

yes I do have my concerns about how it will affect us all. My mum did nurse my first step dad when he was dying of cancer. He died at home. I don’t recall seeing much. I was much younger though…. 16 I think.

i actually have a friend who develops programs and then goes into schools and supports kids who go through grief and divorce and that kinda stuff. I’m going to pick her brain a bit and will talk with my psychologist about it too.

tonight I had to go down to the hospital and drop something off to him. He was still in the Ed and the dr wouldn’t give mum many details over the phone so I stuck around for a bit to try and get some info. The dr came around and was so blind and showed zero compassion. Basically said he was staying for a few days for antibiotics. And then bluntly started talking about end of life decisions that need to be made. I know these kind of things have to be spoken about but surely there is another way to do it??! He strongly advices against intubation and just went on and on about it. It was sad. And then I felt terrible when I had to leave him there on his own after that horrible conversation.

mum spoke to his gp today and she is going to get the ball rolling for palative care.

blahhhh. I need to switch off and get some sleep somehow.

Oh sweetheart, it's awful and I really feel for you all. Traumatic is an understatement. What carried us through was the love but it's left some pretty significant after effects for all of us.

One of mine is that I'm paranoid that my family will "leave", I constantly "over check" on them. My adrenaline is pumped every minute. I need to seek professional help.

My anxiety tablets aren't sufficient and so I need to get on top of it so it doesn't get on top of me. Sleep depravation is now my norm.

I think I'm pretty "strong" but I had no way of knowing how the experience would affect me after. Mind you I wouldn't have done anything differently.

It's raw Bow but I'm happy to talk to you about it and answer questions because I care for you and genuinely want you to be able to make an informed decision as best as I can portray the situation and follow guidelines x @Bow

Sending hugs for your situations, @Bow and @Anastasia ...

Thank you for sharing more @Anastasia , I really do appreciate it. I will make sure that I have a good chat with my psychologist about it.

i really do feel trapped and stuck though. If he stays in hospital to die, it’s highly likely that mum will not be able to be there…. She is not vax. Refuses to do it, which makes me angry, but I won’t go into that. I know that they do offer exemptions for end of life, but to what point?

i think I’m pretty strong too… hold it all together for other people,,,, but with what I am dealing with myself, I think my capacity to be strong is very limited. I’d be falling apart inside. And that scares me at times.

i would certainly shelter my daughter from most of it. I don’t even think she knows he is in hospital at the moment. I haven’t told her and she hasn’t asked about her grandad…. He had been in bed for days so nothing has really changed.

mum is really angry with the dr last night. Doesn’t think he should of had the conversation with my step dad without her there. The dr didn’t even ask who I was, just walked in and started talking. I felt horrible leaving him on his own after hearing all that from the dr. He cried.

💕