My Mosaic

Glad your appointment was ok @Eve7 …, probably feels like you always have things to be working on yeah?

my appointment was pretty brutal. Just had a debrief with my case manager on the phone. My psychiatrist took my blood pressure… explained her concerns around the drop from sitting to standing and the increase in my heart rate. Means I’m not hydrated enough apparently. Talked about intake deficit and that my body.., and brain is suffering.
case manager sat in… which I appreciate… but the student was there again too.
psychiatrist said I needed to drink a set amount of fluids and if I can’t then they are gonna take over and she will apply for a community treatment order.
walked to the car and burst into tears. The fluids is a massive jump from what I am currently doing and feels impossible. Feeling overwhelmed.

Hi @Bow, so sorry it is feeling too much right now. Hearing about possible treatment order and what it takes to avoid that must be so scary. I hope you've been able to reach out for some 1:1 counselling to talk more about it. I hope you can do something soothing for yourself this evening.

Take good care tonight,

Sphinxly.

I seen my psychologist this morning. Things are really difficult at the moment, lots of challenges ahead in regards to my ED, trying to avoid a CTO. But I do feel like I am starting to finally make some .,.. don’t want to say progress, cause I really don’t see any, but starting to pull back the layers. It’s taken a long time to get to this place with my psychologist, but i feel safe with her. I even managed to admit to her that I have turned to SH the last couple of days. I haven’t done any of that in months, nearly a year I think.

We talked today about the intense anger and hatred that I have felt the last week towards myself. I’m trying to accept.., and believe that I have a right to be angry but not towards myself. It’s really hard. She tried to explain to me that all the horrible and bad things that have happened to me are not my fault, that I didn’t cause them or ask for them to happen… it’s a difficult one, when it feels like disaster follows me…. How can all that disaster just happen to the one person?

Over the weekend I rebooked our accommodation for London and Disneyland. Not paid for and fully refundable, but maybe… hopefully we will get there this year. Our friend that we were going to London to see get married, actually got married at the registry last year, but have booked in the party wedding for later this year. It is something to look forward to and to be well for.

I am sorry you had such a difficult appointment @Bow

How has today been for you? You’re right about me always having issues to sort out. They have become more complicated this week and I think pdoc was a bit frustrated with me yesterday.

Lots of love

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Hey @Eve7 i hope that you didn’t read that as me saying ‘you always have issues’ cause that’s not at all what I meant.

lots of love to you my friend 💕

I promise I didn’t take any offence at all @Bow

How are you this evening?

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Thank you @Eve7

Rough afternoon here. I hate that I have these things that I am suppose to be doing to avoid this stupid CTO… it just feels like something else that I am going to fail at. 😩

Oh honey, I’m sorry you have that hanging over you. @Bow

More hugs

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I met with my case manager today. We walked to a cafe and I had a cuppa with her- that was hard. But we talked about alot of things, she explained to me how a CTO works- I had alot of questions. I’m still not wanting one and trying my best to avoid it.

my step dad is really unwell at the moment. Agreed tonight that he needs to be in hospital, which is a pretty big indicator of how sick he is. He wants to wait til tomorrow though. Sad 😞

Sending some love to you tonight @Bow The CTO doesn't sound too good and it must be hard having to worry about whether or not that is going to happen. I hope it doesn't but if it does, we'll be with you by your side every step of the way.

You are very precious. 💙💛💙