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I like mosaic art, I’ve never actually done any, but it intrigued me. Made up of hundreds of tiny pieces of stone, glass and ceramic. If you look at it close up it doesn’t really look like anything special, if anything it looks like a mess. But if you take a step back and view the whole picture- it’s a master piece. I guess it’s kind of like life. So many tiny parts, some messy if we look just at the one part. Some day i guess I’d hope that the mess of my life will at some point look half decent.
So here is part of my mosaic, bits and pieces kept tidy together 🙂
Hi @Bow, I'm still really messed up but your post touched me and I wanted to thank you for sharing your past, I cried, it helps me feel less alone because like you I married MrWrong under uncanny, almost identical circumstances as you describe. Sexual sin poisons the soul at the deepest level - I don't know why these types stay in church at all, and they most definately shouldn't take leadership, they leave a trail of destruction behind them. You were probably groomed like I was, it's not your fault! and you had every right to walk away (he was the one who broke the marriage contract, not you), you deserve better. Why we settle for second best I'll never know. It's hard when there's still ties, and reminders (like Facebook) but they will fade away, that's my experience (18yrs now - I felt so emotionally bound to him it took time). Please don't punish yourself (I should talk) it's hard not to beat yourself up when where hurting over mistakes. I think that's because it FEELS like punishment, but it's not. Consequences maybe, but they are just that - we don't have to add to them - in time they fade. I love that saying "we are not our thoughts but the observer of them" - I like to think the same applies to our circumstances. We see them, even feel them, but they are not who we are, nope, we are the observer of them, associated but separate, and can move on, or watch them pass. And they do. "Self Compassion Therapy" helped/s me a lot to soothe the soul damage of past mistakes. If it's good enough for God to forgive us... we simply must forgive ourself, and be kind. Anyway, I hope its ok to just jump in here on this thread like this... I just felt for you and want you to know you're not alone, and you've made me feel less alone, thank you 💐
In response to: Re: My Mosaic
BowSenior Contributor
Re: My Mosaic
thanks @Rosemary4 im sorry that has been your experience also. i think their sexual sin is so engrained in who they are that they get so good at hiding it. when we told my ex's pastors about him,,, they needed to be informed, they refused to believe us. to this day i dont know where they sit with the information we told them.
i feel as hurt today as i did on that day that i uncovered everything.
i dont have much more to say sorry, just really not in a good place. but thank you for taking the time to reply.
thanks also @Anastasia@Snowie@Emelia8@Otter
In response to: Re: My Mosaic
BowSenior Contributor
Re: My Mosaic
I had an appointment with my psychologist this morning. I seen her briefly on video before technology issues forced us to a phone call. I already felt defeated before the session had even properly begun.
it is really confronting to be focusing on my ED so much. What I need, but it's so bl00dy hard, and I told her that.
im really not in an ok place. I don't want to do this anymore. I feel so defeated. I feel so alone. I realised while talking with my psychologist about yesterday that I carried so much on my own. I just wanted someone in my world to acknowledge the day. But no one did. No one else remembered. Not even my Mum. This is my every day. Alone and forgotten.
In response to: Re: My Mosaic
SnowieSenior Contributor
Re: My Mosaic
@Bow sitting with you sweetie 💗💗💗💗
In response to: Re: My Mosaic
Unknown userMember
Re: My Mosaic
My heart goes out to you @Bow
ED therapy is no joke! You are being tremendously courageous taking that on right now all things considered. I know it nearly broke me a few times. ED's are so complex and getting to the bottom of them really means getting to the bottom of ourselves. At least in my experience.
Maybe there is a way you and your Psychologist could continue the work that feels a little less intense for you atm? Great work telling her how tough it is!
I'm sorry you are carrying so much and that goes unnoticed by others in your life. But I promise you that everyone on the Forums notices your strength.
- periwinklepixie
In response to: Re: My Mosaic
Eve7Senior Contributor
Re: My Mosaic
I’m sorry yesterday was so hard for you @Bow Anniversaries Can really suck at times. I’m sure you were a stunning bride and it’s goid you have your precious D. Maybe doing something special with D will help in the future.
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