My Mosaic

I called community mh... their emergency care number. I didn't know what else to do. They said cause I'm with adult psychologist I need to speak with someone from that team. They said someone would call me back. My psychologist ended up calling. I didn't know if it was ok to call her in the first place. I guess I was kinda glad that she called and not some random.
She said she cared. Said she couldn't let things go with the way that I am feeling and having access to what I do. She gave me the option of her either talking to my Mum or she would call an ambulance. I didn't want either. Mum stresses too much. And I don't wanna be in hospital.
Now Mum knows how suicidal I feel. She says she is proud of me for reaching out. I feel like a fool. So stupid. Embarrassed. I am angry.
I really don't have any hope. I am desperate for relief from this constant feeling of overwhelming dread and that SI that have plagued my mind constantly for the last days.
No emails please.

Hi @Bow

Well done for reaching out for help. I know how hard that is at times.

I hope you are ok hon, we are here for you 💕💕💕

Hi @Bow

SmallBlueMouse here, one of the SANE Moderators.

I just read your post and it sounds like things are really difficult and you are really stuggling at the moment.

It is great that you have reached out to professional supports today and remember to use web/text based service if you want additional support.

It is also really good to see you reaching out to peers using the forum.

Keep looking after yourself.

Thanks @SmallBlueMouse @Snowie

I feel a wreck tonight. Going to take my meds soon as directed by my psychologist and will hopefully just go to sleep. Want today to be over

It's just never ending. Relentless

I am sorry it’s so relentless @Bow

💜🤗💜

I've had the worst couple of days @Eve7

its all I can think about. It really scares me yet I feel at peace about it. I really don't feel in a safe place at all. I'm doing what I can to reach out for support but nothing seems to be hitting the spot. I spoke with my psychologist yesterday afternoon for ages. And then one of her colleagues called me today cause she wasn't in today. But it's done nothing to curb the constant thoughts that I am having. I spent hours on the bike today. It helped manage my out of control emotions. Don't know what else I can do.

@Bow that sounds incredibly difficult and frustrtaing, nothing being exactly what you need.

It's good to hear that being on the bike helped curb some of those emotions

Remember, we're all here with you

I am concerned you don’t feel safe @Bow but I do know that sometimes our darkest times come just before our morning.

Can you say or meditate on Psalm 23? There’s only 5 verses:

The Lord is my Shepherd

I shall not want

He makes me lie down in green pastures

He leads me beside still waters

He restores my soul

He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me,

your rod and your staff comfort me

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

💚🙏💚