My Mosaic

Do you ever just sit and think about the total disaster your life has become?
How messed up you totally are.

find it hard to think that things can possible get any worse than they already are.

feel overwhelmed with the hopelessness and despair.
I know this sounds obvious. That people sit and ponder this a lot. But sometimes it really hits me hard. Like the realisation of the reality of my life is felt at a deeper level. And I feel the hopelessness of my situation even more. The depression feels worse. The desire for things to be different feels deeper and the longer for a better life more. But at the same time knowing that things will never be better. Never be different. That this is it. This. Is. It. This is the end.

@Bow here with you hun.

Sitting with you 💕

I am glad you got it out @Bow

Hopefully it helps

I'm sorry today is so hard for you.

💜💜

How do I delete my account?

Hi @Bow

If you would like to talk about deleting your account you can email us at team@saneforums.org.

Kindly,

Sphinxly

@Bow please stay hon.

We are here for you

@Bow

💙🦋🙏🦋💙

I'm still here. Working through some things and taking some time out. It really hurt having another one of my posts removed after being so vulnerable in it.

I seen my psychologist today. Second visit with her. I really feel like she is going to be a good fit for me, but something that she said today has left me a little rattled I guess. We were talking about my ever increasing SI and she said she couldn't help but feel like she was missing something. We had previously gone over the main things that had been contributing factors to my decline in my mental health last year and she said she didn't want to invalidate any of that but thought she was missing something. Maybe I am not good at communicating what is really going on. Or maybe I don't even know what it is. Or maybe what has happened to me is not bad enough to want to die over?

I'll admit I haven't told her everything..... I'm not there yet. I'm still holding things close to my chest, things that happened earlier this year. I don't even know how to bring that stuff up.

im not holding it against her, it's still early... but do you feel like you have valid reasons to want to die when you are in that dark place? Do you feel judged?

I cried today. But she called me out on the fact that I held back. And I do. In therapy I will start to cry but I stop cause I don't want to feel all the feels. I don't want to get messy. I have a wall up she said. I agree.

we talked about so much today. I guess I can see a tiny glimmer of light in this incredible dark tunnel.

@Bow 💝🙏🌸👀👂

I wish I could wrap my arms around you @Bow in a big Mama bear 🐻 hug 🤗

I’m pleased you like your new Psych and only time will tell if you can really open up with her.

I’m sorry you had a post removed when you were vulnerable and I hope you’ve been able to discuss the reasons.

It’s good you’re still around as you add a lot of value to the forum.

Love and hugs

💙🤗🦋🙏🦋🤗💙