My Mosaic

Home and away is a bit too close to home at the moment. Gotta fight back the tears

@Bow

The phone call from your friend, the time with your aunt, getting to see your cousin’s kids, the market, and church all sounds like it went well, which is nice.

Will you be able to play the Alice in Wonderland game or is it “just” for the collection? Wishing you luck in your hunt for an Alice vinyl!

I hope your dad is able to get one of those appointments changed 💛

I hope you were able to get to sleep ok after the Home and Away episode.

My week is kind of busy, work will be busy for sure. I’m hoping my lack of focus today was just a result of yesterday’s migraine and that I’m able to concentrate better tomorrow.

@Snowie

That would have been a very intense 48 hrs. I’m sorry things were so hard 💛

I’m grateful you were able to have the time with the kids for S’s birthday. What type of cake did you have?

Hi dear @Bow

Didn't even know that home and away was still on tv.

I hope today is being kind to you 💗💗

@Wintersweet S wanted a chocolate cake. Even better that I didn't have to make it!!

I’m sorry I don’t have much to give at the moment. Today has been a bit rough. Heads been a mess. I’m feeling really tired and sluggish. And I’m also getting a bit anxious about returning home to no support. I mean I am looking forward to getting home, own bed, own space, but heaps anxious too.

I tried to extend my car hire drop of time today, just by a couple of hours, but nope. They suggested I call again on Thursday to see if there are any change then but again no guarantee. So that will be an early start. Up, breakfast, pack, say goodbye to dad and then drive to brothers and say goodbye and then 1.5hrs drive to airport. We will be there about 5hrs early and probably won’t be able to check our bags in and being a small airport there ain’t much to do this side of bag drop. So I’m annoyed by that too. Traveling is already a big day but that’s just gonna add to it. And the day before, Thursday I have to drive to the same city cause my brother has an appointment with the radiotherapy doctor.

anyways, already told my mum that I’m going to go out tomorrow. Sitting around all day is not helping. But now, I just wanna go back to dads and go to bed. I’m tired.

hope your both ok 💜💜💜💜

@Bow

That is a lot. Do you think the tiredness is related to the anxiety? Sometimes when I’m really anxious I kind of shut down. Of course it might be different for you in this situation. With all that going on it makes sense that the higher car situation would super frustrating.

I hope you’re able to sleep well tonight. Do you know where you want to go tomorrow? I hope that, wherever you go, getting out of the house proves helpful. I imagine it will. It’s a good idea! I think often moving around when we’re anxious can be one of the best things to give that energy somewhere to go, and give our brains something else to think about.

Hi dear @Bow

Sorry it was a rough day yesterday. Even sitting around can be so tiring. Also, you haven't had much of a break since you've been down there. I hope you are able to get out and do something today.

I can understand wanting to go back to your own house yet worried at the same time. There is nothing quite like your own bed and own surroundings. It's also about going back to reality. Going back to the lack of support too.

@Bow and @Snowie

Sending you both 💛 for today.

We just got home from the radiotherapy dr. He showed us the mri pictures of my brothers brain. Was told originally that he had one large mass and then a smaller one. We seen the large one and then there were actually 10+ smaller spots. The dr basically said that radiotherapy would not be of any benefit. He went over why radiotherapy had too many risks and side effects. He went out and called my brothers oncologist and she agreed. Not sure if that means no more treatment all together, or just no radiotherapy. I asked if he was in a position to give a timeframe and he said generally once’s it’s matastised in the brain patients are given 6 mths, but we don’t know how long it’s been there.

my brother really didn’t take much in, his hearing is so bad and he just doesn’t comprehend things. He walked out of the appointment and said that went alright.

so even though he was give 3-10 days 2 weeks ago, those drs were not cancer drs and now it’s 6mths or less.

so that’s shitty.

D and I head home tomorrow. Mums staying another couple of weeks and then will probably come back down again for my brothers birthday on the 12th December

I'm so sorry you and your family have had such difficult news about your brother @Bow That's a lot to take in and it sounds particularly hard carrying what you heard whilst your brother came away feeling the appointment went alright. The community is here to listen, and we're sitting with you <3

~ @Honeymoon

Thank you @Honeymoon

its really hard to know how much my brother comprehends. We have had conversations with him and he has sat with people to write out his will and things like that. But his level of confusion has got so much worse over the last few weeks. And that is only going to get worse as the tumors grow and as the steroids that are currently helping with the swelling decrease in effectiveness. I have caught myself numerous times just sitting and watching him. Wondering what he is thinking. What he is feeling.

when we leave tomorrow and say goodbye I don’t know if that will be the last time I’ll see him or not.

I fixed a very complicated and fragile Star Trek Lego build this afternoon. I finished building it for him last time I was here and apparently he broke it the day after we left! I managed to put it back together with only 3 pieces left over. But I had done it wrong and me and mum was trying to tell him no it was right. He was confused and unable to communicate what was wrong and we were adamant that it was right, it was 2 identical pieces that he kept saying was around the wrong way. I kept saying no they are identical they can’t be away. I pulled the instructions out to show him they were identical and didn’t matter. We were a bit frustrated and kept telling him to quit touching it and that if he broke it again I ain’t fixing it again. But eventually I noticed the error and had to spin the pieces 180 and they were fine! Gosh. He was happy. It was a simple fix but he couldn’t communicate it.

anyways, that was long sorry. Going out for dinner tonight. Our last night here. Getting my brother out while he still can. He certainly has an appetite while on these steroids.