My Mosaic

Hi @Bow

Glad to hear the travelling went well and you got there

I hope staying with your dad goes ok hon and you can spend some time with your brother.

Sending lots of 💗💗

Hi @Snowie @Wintersweet

slept okish last night, but was rather warm and woke with a sore hip. Up and dressed and headed over to my brothers. D and I went and did a bigger grocery shop, I had a nap on the pull out mattress while my brother was napping too. Not much else. Oh had a missed call from no caller id. Don’t know who.

other brother gets married tomorrow

how are you both? Please tell me about your day if your up to it

@Bow

Is it strange having had the scramble to get there and now actually being there? Hope there’s space for you to have some time by yourself if you need it. Will be thinking of you tomorrow with your other brother’s wedding. It would be hard knowing that’s happening with all the complexity around it.

How did D’s performance go? Keen to hear as much as you feel like sharing 😊

I’m ok, I’m functioning a bit better at work and hoping that continues. I haven’t been sleeping well though and I’m pretty tired. I’ve also been pretty unsettled which I think might be a mixture of my normal non-professional support people being less available and something that was said in a group setting on the weekend that triggered a couple of my friends (and probably others who were there) and trying to work out how to be a support/ make that space safer without exceeding my capacity or taking on roles I shouldn’t.

Yeah it does actually @Wintersweet it all happened so quickly and now that we are here we are mostly just sitting around all day. The days a slow and mostly quiet. Need to try break them up a bit. We popped into Kmart this morning after a bit of a sleep in- didn’t get out of bed until 9am- that’s late for me! D forgot to bring her squishy teddy thing that she sleeps with so we found a cheap alternative at Kmart. I got another pair of trackies too cause I ain’t sitting around all day in jeans!

we need to get to the beach too… it’s actually been rather warm here, bit of a heatwave for tassie folks.

bro gets married at 12. Sent them both a message.

D’s performance was so good. It was so well put together the whole night. Each grade had a set genre of music and then each class came on stage and did maybe a 1-2 minute dance. Costumes were great and the kids did such a great job… especially considering ours was the 4th performance they still had heaps of energy. For the finale all the kids came back out and filled the isles and did a dance and D happened to be in the isle right next to me so I took a quick video, we were allowed to take photos or videos, just something to show mum.

oh that’s hard when things like that make us unsettled. I’m sorry your non professional supports aren’t available as much at the moment, are they just busy? it’s a fine line eh…. Of knowing how much you have the capacity to give and when to step back. I nearly always end up helping in some way when I get involved with something and then sometimes regret it cause it’s too much.

I was talking to my dad and step mum last night… my brother had his first bowel surgery years ago and was then diagnosed with cancer. He didn’t have any treatment of any kind then. And fast forward now and his got it everywhere in his abdomen. He also started having a lot of issues with his left eye about a year ago, his eye was buldging out, he had scans of his eye but no one thought to do a proper full ct scan of his head- they may of picked up on the large cancer then. It really should have been a red flag, especially considering he had brain cancer as a teenager. His oncologist never did brain scans either, nothing. He has tumors 9mm and 14mm in his brain. Things could be very different if people were more thorough.

anyhow

Hi @Bow

I'm glad D's performance went well and you had a good time.

It must be difficult just sitting around especially with D. You want to spend time with your brother but also have to think about D too.

Thinking lots of you hon 💕💕💕

Thanks @Snowie hon

yeah lots of sitting around is hard. D doesn’t seem too bothered by it though. Lots of screen time but sometimes there is a time and a place for it.

tomorrow we are out as my brother is having an urgent mri, spoke with his oncologist this afternoon and she’s managed to book that in quickly and then we will see her next week.

how’s your week been hon? Thinking of you 💜💜

Morning @Bow Sorry I missed you last night.

Sometimes more screen time is needed. If it is keeping her entertained and you are able to spend more time with your brother, then so be it.

I hope the mri goes ok for your brother.

My weeks been ok. Nothing major has happened so I guess thats a positive.

Took mum to a funeral on Monday. She didn't cope well. Knew some faces but couldn't remember anyone's name. She slept whole way home.

I hope today goes ok for you hon 💕💕

Hey @Snowie I’m glad your week has been relatively ok.

I went to bed feeling really chesty last night and woke feeling a bit miserable. Nose and chest. So am carrying hand sanitizer around with me and trying to keep away from Everyone as much as possible. Last thing I want is my brother to get sick.

brothers chemo was canceled this morning but I didn’t see the msg from my mum until we were already at my brothers, so now don’t need to leave until 1pm so just sitting around and I’m tired and sleepy and want to sleep!

got much on today? What about the weekend?

oh dear @Bow I hope you don't get any sicker.

Already been to kmart this morning. Got there when it opened so not many people. Nothing planned for rest of day. Weekend looking quiet, again not much planned. Hoping it stays that way.

What does the rest of the week look for you? I forgot to ask did you book flights home or just taking it day by day?

@Bow

Sorry I didn’t get to reply to you yesterday!

It would be really hard knowing that things could be different if the medical people treating your brother had been more thorough. 💛

Hope this virus doesn’t hang around too long for you. I imagine it’s hard being there to see your brother and then having to stay away from him.

D’s performance sounds amazing! And how cool that you could get that bit of video 😊

My supports are mostly dealing with their own stuff, which is obviously understandable but tricky as it means that it’s been less reciprocal and more just me supporting them and not feeling like I can share about what’s going on for me. My psych did challenge me to think about whether I’m making the decision for them though, and whether I should look for what they might have capacity for rather than hiding where I’m struggling (as well as getting me to think through the larger patterns this might be part of.)

@Snowie

I hope you are able to have a quiet weekend and that you get to spend time doing the things that help you feel the most settled. 💛

Lots of 💛 for you both!