My Mosaic

@Bow

I’m glad they were able to sort the car out for you, good job getting it booked in and everything! I hope you’re able to find something comfortable for the funeral. Having everyone wear green is a lovely idea.

That would be very hard with your brother‘s partner. Have you ever had a chance to talk to your brother about wanting a relationship and not knowing how to sort things out given that your efforts seemed to be ignored/ misinterpreted? If so how did he respond?

That would be stressful, does the spiky mat help when you have stress headaches? It does seem like both you and your mum would need more information to know what would be a good decision. I imagine that makes it hard though because then you have the uncertainty until you can get down there and see how he is.

My day was a bit weird, I was in the office by myself as everyone else in my corridor was either working at home, working somewhere else, or on leave. I’ve been kind of wired all evening. I also don’t have anything planned until tomorrow evening and I’m not looking forward to being by myself in the house. 😅

Hi @Bow

You certainly have a lot happening right now hon. I hope you are finding some time for yourself and looking after yourself too.

Hopefully the time you, your mum and D can spend with your brother goes well. I understand how hard it is with D, trying to figure out what she can and cannot see/hear. We always want to protect them from death, but is so hard when it's someone close to us. I'm glad you've booked your flights.

ECT went ok yesterday, they were just very slow (more than normal). Managed to go see mum this morning.

@Wintersweet i hope you managed to get through the day by yourself in the house. I like having the house to myself.

my brother wants us to sort things out cause he is ‘sick of being stuck in the middle’. I think when we are all back home we will get together and hopefully sort stuff out.

@Snowie that sucks that they were slow… nothing worse than sitting around waiting for that kinda thing and anxiety kicking in. Hope your mum was kind to you?

mum left this morning. Took her down to the train. Reminded her to not feel pressured into making a decision too quickly.

dropped D off at her fathers and did a lap of the shops looking for a top to wear. Got a couple, will take back what I don’t like. Glad I chose to have an early nap cause at 2:30 the kids party started over the back fence… they did send out letters giving everyone the heads up, but it was a 7yr olds party and they hired a dj to play nursey rhymes and it was sooo loud. Like i was in the garage with the door up giving the furniture a coat of sealant and I could hear the vibrations in the house over the road.

my CM called this afternoon too. Wanted to rebook the appointment that she missed on Wednesday. After some discussion about when, I told her that I’ll postpone my DBT assessment just won’t have the head space for that and I’ll see her instead. Still couldn’t ask how I was though.

need to start packing tomorrow. Do a load of washing. D has her friend… *cough* crush friend… *cough* boy friend… 😂 coming over for a bit. Need to go get a few groceries, mainly some snacks for D. Monday is her schools but extravagancer and she needs fruit break, lunch and 5 snacks I think she said! Dinner will be provided at the cinema. They perform 4 times. One dress rehearsal and then 3x. I’ve got tickets to the final performance.

then Tuesday we leave.

how was your Saturday?

@Bow thanks 💛 I ended up pretty much sleeping until it was time to get ready to go out, which worked for the most part.

I hope you are able to talk with your brother when you get back, that he’s able to hear that you and your mum also want things sorted, and that you’re able to find a way forward together. Hopefully since he’s sick of being in the middle, that will be something you can ally with him to address.

Those are some very loud nursery rhymes! I’m glad you were able to have your nap early!

It would’ve been hard having your CM not ask how you are. I wonder if she didn’t ask because she already knew that things were hard and didn’t want to sound patronising by asking, or knew that she shouldn’t ask if she didn’t have time to actually listen to the answer? Obviously it’s still super disappointing that she didn’t set aside time to properly check in though, especially given how hard things have been and the fact she had to cancel on you. I imagine an acknowledgment or explanation that helped you feel like she did actually care and wanted to check in properly even if she couldn’t would have gone a long way.

Hope you were able to get the groceries, ok, that D’s performance goes well, and that your travels are smooth. Keep us updated as much as it’s helpful for you, no pressure and also we do care 💛

Hey @Bow

Glad you got some things done yesterday.

That party sounds very loud!! It's amazing what some people do these days for a kids party.

Does that mean you'll see your CM Monday before you leave?

I hope D has a good play date!!

My Saturday was ok. Mum was in a fairly good mood. She kept asking me about Monday (we have a funeral). Last thing I want to do but have to take her.

I have so much to do but for the most part I have sat on the couch and done nothing.

Feel like I’m getting sick. Urgh. Absolute worst timing if I am. If I am I will have to book a hotel and isolate there until I’m well enough to see my brother.

@Bow

You’ve done so much the past couple of days. It makes sense that you’ve hit a bit of a wall today, especially if your body is fighting something off, but I imagine that’s super frustrating for you. Will be hoping that sitting on the couch today has given your body a chance to start recovering and means that you either don’t get sick or recover faster than you would have otherwise. That is really sucky timing though and I’m sorry.

Hey @Wintersweet absolutely I have felt frustrated by my lack of up and go today. But did manage to do 2 loads of washing and have now packed all of D’s clothes. She’ll now just pack all the other junk she wants to take! I’ve made a start on my suitcase…. hope to finish that tomorrow.

D has her big school extravaganza tomorrow night. She’ll go to school tomorrow morning and I won’t see her until her final show at 7:30. Long day for the kids.

did you enjoy your night out last night?

@Snowie i hope all goes well tomorrow when you take your mum and her friend to the funeral.

yes I see my CM tomorrow morning too. 11am. The duck to the shops cause I forgot something today. Pick up my meds and drop off a Temu return.

💜💜💜💜

Hey @Bow,

How did your meeting go the other week?

I am also curious to know how school holidays were for you? Did you manage to find a balance of being there for D and also for you? 💛