My Mosaic

My brother just called us. He was so out of it. Sad. Tears.

Hi @Bow

Sounds like a lot is happening for you and you are being pulled in many different directions.

Hopefully you can see D's production. I'm sure she is very much looking forward to it.

I hope you do what is right for you hon.

Sitting with you 💕💕

I need to feel prepared and I don’t know what I would choose

@Bow

Feeling unsettled, confused, sad, and tearful- all of that makes sense given the uncertainty and how much your brother means to you. It also makes sense that you’d want to be prepared in case you have to decide between seeing him and seeing the school production.

Is it at all helpful to start by acknowledging that it’s a really hard decision? I sometimes get stuck when I have to make a decision that has a big cost either way because neither decision feels right. If I can get myself to recognise that if I’m forced to choose there’s going to be sadness either way, sometimes that helps because I’m no longer searching for a decision that feels good. Then it’s all about trying my best to use the skills I hand to tolerate the feelings that come with it. Of course your experience might be different and that’s ok too.

If you find it helpful to write about the decision on here as part of processing it, please do. I get wanting to make the decision now rather than in the moment.

Sending you all the 💛

Yeah @Wintersweet thank you, yes need to remind myself that it is a hard decision. Either way someone is going to be sad and disappointed.

we had kinda been hanging out for an update today but didnt get one. He has been moved to a hospital closer to home, which is good. The other hospital was nearly an hour away- they sent him there cause of his fall and head trauma and his local hospital not being equipped for that. His palliative care team will now be able to assess him and go from there.

I actually went to bed and had a sleep this afternoon, no couch nap. Woke to 2 missed calls from an unknown number? Oh and the team that I went to be assessed with for that values group, they called today about the year long DBT program. They have booked me in for Monday for that assessment but I did explain to her what is happening with my brother. I see my CM tomorrow.

how was your day?

@Snowie ? How are you?

@Bow

Not having an update is hard. Hopefully the palliative care team can assess him now he’s been moved and give you an update soon.

Do you have any idea about who the two calls might have been?

I’m hoping the team can reschedule the assessment for the DBT group if needed. How did they respond when you explained about your brother?

Do you want to talk about how you’re feeling about seeing your CM tomorrow? It’s ok if not but there’s space if you want to 💛

My day was ok, I think I’m starting to recover a little. Able to get more usual stuff done at least which I’m hoping will help me be less stressed.

@Wintersweet yeah that’s what mum and I were saying tonight- now that his local his palliative care team will be able to give us an update. It’s hard being so far away. It has forced my mum and dad to communicate- they haven’t really spoken since we were kids.

Hmm only unknown callers I get are usually from community mh or my gp. Not expecting anything from my gp. Oh well must not of been important cause they didn’t leave a message.

the DBT lady was understanding and said if I need to call Monday morning to cancel then that was fine cause she understood how quickly things can change ie over the weekend.

lotsa mixed feelings about seeing my CM tomorrow. I kinda wanna hash things out and expresses my thoughts/feelings about her lack of support. But I also really just need her… or someone’s support at the moment, given I have no SW and no psychologist. I need her to get the new referral done for a different agency.

im really glad to hear that maybe things are on the up for you? I know for me that can feel a bit weird and maybe a bit of uncertainty too perhaps, cause you don’t know if you are in the up or I don’t know what ya call it, like ya waiting to crash. Hope it’s a real up

💜

@Bow

I really appreciate you understanding the uncertainty about whether positive changes are gonna stick or be temporary 💛 Hopefully I can make the most of it to try and do the things that will help sustain it, but I know that doesn’t always work, so will have to wait and see.

Hopefully you get an update about your brother soon 💛

I’m glad the DBT the lady was understanding. I really hope that it works out, that you’re able to join the group, and that you find it helpful 💛

I’d be surprised if there weren’t lots of mixed feelings about seeing your CM tomorrow. Is it helpful to go back and look at the post from the other day where we talked about what you would want to say to her? I hope that you’re able to find a way to communicate that you were hurt that helps you be heard and supported (though we aren’t responsible for how others react) and that she helps with the referral, because I really want you to have all the support possible 💛

I can’t believe it well no I can cause it’s just how shitty they are, my CM is off today. I’m going to guess that’s what the 2 calls were for yesterday too. The lady that called, couldn’t give 2 hoots about me or my current struggles and the complete lack of care I have received. I vented a little- she didn’t care. And then she ended the call with ‘have a lovely day’.

and now mum knows something is up cause I got the call while we were grocery shopping.

nothing ever is easy or simple

Hi dear @Bow

Hoping the palliative care team can help with your brother and also keep you informed about what the next steps are from here.

I'm sorry to hear about the CM. The agency doesn't seem to have any idea and people seem to have a lot of time off. Perhaps it's a good thing your mum knows more hon. I'm guessing she was going to find out anyway.

Sneding lots of love 💗💗