My Mosaic

Hey @Wintersweet Hmmm I don’t know what helps me connect with my healthy adult self, should probably pay attention and see if there is anything that comes up.

one of my old psychologists, I use to write alot with her, she was always happy to read what I wrote and she often use to give me home work for tuning into my healthy adult self.

What IFS? Not sure I’ve heard of that. I did a 6mth schema therapy group which I found mostly helpful, it was for ED folks and there was only 3 of us! But it was good.

I think I’d have to wait until after the 19th if I was going to look at an admission. Mum doesn’t drive and it would be a lot of effort to get leave and catch public transport and stuff.

Yeah I guess what I posted there I could just say. Something along them lines.

I think mum will be pretty cranky when she finds out. She knows all the stuff I’ve recently been through them all.

I think I’m probably scared of falling in a deep pit and things getting much much worse. That’s a scary thought.

the mod last night said my drawing was too graphic so wouldn’t approve it. I’ve erased one character which is probably the really graphic part so maybe they can approve it now? I don’t think this is anywhere near as graphic.

im glad your day was a bit better with not being so stuck. Anything nice for the weekend?

been a bit busy today. Dropped D at her father’s. Had to go to the shops and then hope to bath the dog- like to give her a bath before mum gets home. And then finished off some things for my D’s birthday. I also wanted to vacuum but I ran out of steam.

Hi @Bow

I've read back a bit and see that nothing has changed, if anything gotten worse, with your supports. I'm sorry that you are still having major problems with them. Even more sorry to hear just how much that if affecting you. It simply isn't right.

I understand how having your mum home can help with some more support, but at the same time means you are 'off the hook' so to say. You've been on survivor mode since she was gone and now she's back you can let the wall fall. It can be scary.

I'm not saying this to guilt you, but D still loves you and cares about you deeply. It is almost normal that they go through stages where they don't want to be around you, or sit with you, or even talk to you. My kids did the same, they sometimes still do. It doesn't mean that they love you any less. It is more about them finding their way in life, discovering themselves. D still has times where she doesn't want my opinion, but then the next thing I know it that she is asking for advice!

Please know I've been thinking of you too hon 💕

@Snowie my dear I am so glad to see you, but so sorry to hear of how difficult things have been for you. I’m sorry things came to that. I really hope that you were cared for with a lot of kindness and understanding.

mums home now. Sitting on the couch with her watching tv. Not said anything of how difficult things have been, but that’s ok, I’m sure it will come over the coming days. Dog was pleased to see her.

are you taking things easy?

Hey @Bow

Nice to be back hon and seeing you on here too. Pdoc wanted to admit me. I have made some promises to him. Hopefully I can keep them this time. Have had some meds changed too so hoping that helps but will take awhile to kick in.

I'm sure your mum will probably notice something hon. She'll defiantly know if they are not doing home visits.

Is you mum normally easy to talk to?

Yes, trying to take things easier.

@Bow

I’m sorry you had to edit the drawing but I’m glad you could show it.

That schema group sounds like it was good and that psych sounds like she was really good. IFS has some things in common with schema therapy. It focuses on helping people access their healthy adult self and as that healthy adult meet, hear, show compassion to, and parent the parts that are trying to deal with our pain, frantically trying to manage our lives, or stuck in painful states/memories.

Do you have any of the old homework you did about tuning into the healthy adult self? That could be interesting to revisit?

I can see why you’d want to wait until after the 19th. Will having the performance coming up help you stay safe in the meantime?

If I had a daughter who’d been left unsupported the way you’ve been, I would be upset too. I hope your mum is able to channel that in a way that’s supportive for you.

It makes sense that you’d need to rest but I can really relate to that fear of falling into a pit. It’s really scary! Is there anything you find calming that involves gentle engagement? I’m thinking of the things people recommend to get out of nervous system shutdown. It can be hard though when that’s protecting us from feeling everything, so I find that sometimes when I try and coax myself out of a shutdown I also need to have a list on hand of distress tolerance strategies. All that to say, I get that it’s hard and I really empathise. 💛

You have had a busy day and I hope you get to rest this evening!

I drank tea with people and went to a bookstore today which was good.

All the 💛 for both you and @Snowie

I admire and am grateful for you both 💛

Good morning @Bow

Are you able to talk to your mum today? Only if you feel comfortable.

I hope today goes well for you hon 💗💗

@Bow

Joining Snowie in hoping today goes well for you and sending you 💛

Hey @Snowie @Wintersweet thank you.

i put my big girl pants on today and gave my D a surprise for her birthday (tomorrow) and headed into the city for the night. We have done some shopping today and are going to the theater tonight. Currently having a rest at our hotel. I have a lot of issues with my feet so having them up for a while has been a relief.

haven’t spoken to mum yet. Think I’ll just let it come up naturally

💜💜💜💜 to you both

Oh @Bow so proud of you hon. Must have taken a lot for you to do this. Such a big day/night.

Did we buy some lego at all??😁

I really hope you enjoy the theatre tonight hon and D loves it.

Lots of 💕💕

Thanks @Snowie it has taken a huge amount of effort and lots of finding quiet little spots to take a breather.

we have saved the Lego shop for tomorrow but we went to 2 of our favorite book shops today and I got a couple of Alice books. D found a K-pop store and we trekked to find that!

just crawled into bed after seeing the lion king. I’d already seen it 12+ years ago and it was amazing then. It’s only got a couple of weeks left in Sydney and what else would we do late at night here?!

the night before D’s second birthday I recorded this cute little video of me asking who’s birthday was it tomorrow… and she said ‘mine’ in this cute little toddler voice and then I asked how old will you be? And she said ‘two’ and held her 2 fingers up. It’s so cute, but I’ve done it every year since and she asked to do it tonight.

how are you doing today?