My Mosaic

Thanks @Snowie

@Bow

It would be awful, feeling like they are punishing you, or that they don’t care.

They shouldn’t punish you and they should care! It makes sense that you’re struggling given the lack of support they’ve given you. 💛

You asked about who to call. Would you consider reaching out to Suicide Callback Service or Lifeline? I don’t know if the following ideas (in italics) would make that easier? If not, it’s ok to just ignore them! Also, if you don’t think calling them is a good idea for you, I understand and wouldn’t want you to if you know it won’t be good idea for you. 💛

Maybe tell them at the start that you might need to hang up if it’s not helping and let them know what the most helpful thing for your safety would be if that happens? You could also write down what you want to say when they pick up if that feels like it would support you. Maybe you want to ask them to just let you tell them what’s happening without giving advice, maybe you want them to listen first and then offer suggestions, maybe you want something else.

I’m so sorry that you don’t have someone familiar who you can call though and that not having that hurts so much. I so deeply wish that was an option for you right now. 💛

It all just very much reiterates that I am a bad person, that there is something very wrong with me. They are making it very clear that I am not allowed to share with them how I am feeling, what I need and how their decisions impact me. I have done the wrong thing and now they punish me and I suffer the consequences of no support.

suppose to see my psych in the morning, don’t think I’ll make it.

@Wintersweet @Snowie 

I don't think you are a bad person @Bow far from it

I think they are the one's in the wrong and you are having to deal with their mistakes which is very unfair.

Seeing your psych tomorrow is your decision alone. If you don't feel comfortable going then don't.

Hey @Bow

I'm hearing how stressful everything is right now, and how unfair it feels. I agree with Snowie, it reflects on them, not on you and what you deserve.

Perhaps it could help to try to focus on the here and now. Decide tomorrow whether to go to your appointment, for example. Have a think about what small thing you might be able to do to support yourself in this moment. The smallest of steps towards gentle self-care can go a long way.

The community has your back in this hun.

Thanks @Jynx @Snowie my brain is struggling to take that in at the moment.

have just made D dinner, I’m not hungry.

would be good if I could get myself in the shower but that feels too much

@Bow

I fully agree with Jynx and Snowie. I can understand it being hard to take in though. Well done for making dinner. It’s ok if a shower feels too hard right now. 💛

It can be hard to take things in @Bow Go gentle with yourself.

Perhaps even try something small to eat. Not that I can tell you, haven't eaten myself today.

I hear you and how you are feeling is completely valid. I know how hard you have been trying to access support and you absolutely deserve consistency here. I think I have mentioned ListenWell before... but have you given them a call at all? I think they could hold a really lovely space for you tonight. @Bow 💛

And hello @Snowie @Wintersweet,

How are you? 🫶