My Mosaic

Way to go to just reiterate that I don’t matter. Brief phone call from cm like she said she would. Just to book an appointment for 2 weeks time and won’t be in much this week coming. No debrief from Thursday awful pdoc appointment. No check in. No opportunity to tell her that mums now gone for 3 weeks. What’s the point anymore???

I'm sorry your cm was so dismissive @Bow That really isn't right.

Do do matter hon, a great deal. Well you do to me.

Have you done much this afternoon?

I was hanging out for that phone call @Snowie like really hanging out.

so disappointed. Spent the last couple of hours going over in my head what I could say if I had the courage to call her back today. But I won’t.

Have done much. Watched a movie with D downstairs on the big screen. Really didn’t want to, but made myself. And I’ve just finished cutting up the cardstock for my art. Gonna sit and do the writing for a big stack of card. Not sure I have much left in my paint markers so ordered some on Amazon this morning to arrive tomorrow.

did 2 loads of washing too. Was up at 6am to drop mum off. Tired.

what about you?

Oh and you know what @Snowie I thought it was time for the dog to go out for the toilet. But she wasn’t gonna get up and move off that rug. Got her lead, put it on and then off she goes! Dang 🐕

I can understand how disappointed you would feel @Bow to finally get the phone call and then it seems like she doesn't care and is very dismissive of you. It would really hurt.

Can you write down what you would say to her. You could send it to her, show her next time or even keep it to yourself. Writing it down might help a little.

Sounds like you have fit in a lot to your day hon. I did wonder if you need to restock all your art work for xmas sales.

Hehe, sounds like you outsmarted the dog!!

Been up early too, just couldn't sleep. Managed to get the pile of ironing done so thats a win. Also went and saw mum and had a cuppa with her. She was in a good mood, yea!!

@Bow

It’s so painful when we’re counting on someone and then they let us down. I’m so sorry your CM didn’t check in with you about the pdoc appointment or give you the chance to tell her about your mum being away. You do matter, but it’s understandable that being treated like you don’t would trigger feelings that you don’t matter. I hope at least part of you can feel that Snowie and I care a lot 💛

@Snowie

I’m so glad your mum was in a good mood!

I can see why calling someone would feel more helpful than driving so far just to sit in a waiting room for ages with the uncertainty of whether they’ll just send you home. I wish better in-person support was available for you, and at the same time I’m glad that you’re able to call someone if needed. 💛

Sorry you woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep. Hope You’re able to get some good sleep tonight.

@Snowie ive been feeling annoyed all afternoon cause I wish there was a way to communicate with her other than calling. She’s not around much apparently this week so can’t even go down and try and catch her.

im glad your mum was in a good mood today.

dog still giving me grief. She sat on the back door mat for 10mins with her dinner less than a meter away from her and she wouldn’t budge! D had to get down on the floor and coax her to it.

spoke with mum, she got to Tas ok.

im watching a live show of a podcast I use to listen to ages ago. They have done a yearly live show for the last few years and it’s always a good laugh.,, about motherhood, marriage, friendship, being a woman and now perimenopause. I enjoy it.

thanks @Wintersweet i do try to take on board what you say, but it is hard at times.

how was your day?

im nearly ready for bed. I’m tired. Not sure what we will do tomorrow

@Bow

No pressure, I get that it can be hard 💛

I’m sorry you don’t have a way to communicate with your CM other than calling her and that she’s not around much this week. That’s hard and I really wish you had more support.

I’m glad your mum got to Tas ok and that the podcast live show was a good laugh. Do they still make the podcast too?

My day was a bit rough, lots of anxiety and the appointment was not helpful and therefore unhelpful/dysregulating. Watched the Avatar the Last Airbender movie tonight though and that was a good distraction.

Ya try not to remember or think about bad times in ya life, better left behind. But when they carry such significant consequences and ripple effect that’s got ya to where you are today. It still stings. Hurts. Anger.

@Bow

Agreed, it’s really hard when the pain and/or anger keeps coming up. 💛

When we’ve been hurt deeply it makes sense that we’d feel it deeply but I can really empathise with wishing we didn’t have to keep feeling it.