My Mosaic

@Bow

Reaching out to your old old SW tomorrow sounds like a really good idea.

It would be so disappointing, scary, and angering to have people say they care and then break promises about checking in and being there for you. Also, I think it’s actually really good thing you’re doing to recognise what you’re feeling and name it.

It makes sense that you wouldn’t feel ok going back to see the pdoc who changed your meds like that and didn’t seem to care about you as a person. Was your CM able to go with you to that one?

That internal fight is exhausting. Hope you’re able to get some sleep tonight and that connecting with your old old SW tomorrow is a source of support.

Hi @Bow

I hope you were or are able to contact your old SW and she be able to help or at least listen.

You have a lot going on at once with your mum, your brother and the lack of supports. It would be a lot for anyone to cope with. You're doing the best you can. If it helps, keep reaching out on here hon.

Does D come home from camp today? If so, I hope she enjoyed herself.

I hope you're able to find something calming to do today.

@Bow

Have been thinking of you today 💛

hi @Wintersweet @Snowie

sorry everything has been a big fat failure today so not really wanting to be around. Sorry. Only good thing is D is home and she had a good time.

hope your both ok

@Bow

Sending you 💛 and hoping that there are things that go well for you today.

Good morning dear @Bow

I hope today seems a little brighter for you

Glad to hear that D enjoyed her camp.

Leaving some 💗🫂💗

Had psychologists this morning. Was hard. Tired and hoarse voice made it difficult to talk.

Then had pdoc after that. SW was able to come, don’t know what happened to her training. CM was there too. But such a frustrating appointment. Asked heaps of annoying questions. Was asking about ECT, reminded him about the failed attempt in April. He was still asking and pushy about it. Increased a med. See you in 6 weeks. Just the whole process angered and frustrated me. He was on his phone numerous times. Rarely looked at me when asking me questions. I do not like that they just keep adding medication or increasing the dose. I’m on so much medication. And I had to ask about whether he had seen my blood and ecg results. No he hadn’t.

I got teary towards the end. Just so over it. He asked if I had S thoughts. I said yes. All the time. And then that was it. Nothing else. No safety follow up.

while waiting for them to book my next appointment out in reception I had to walk out cause the tears were getting worse. Both my SW and CM came out once appointment was booked but neither really cared. My CM was just… I can understand that was a lot to take in I’ll let you process it and call you Saturday. SW asked whether I would prefer a home visit Monday or Tuesday. Sigh. Does that mean you’re not in tomorrow?

im so over all of it. Over all of it. Tired of trying and never getting anywhere. Done

Hi @Bow

Sounds like a very challenging morning hon. I'm sorry this is all happening to you.

You must be exhausted after everything that has happened.

Around if you need to chat/sit

Thanks @Snowie im tired that’s not new though. I don’t understand why everything has to be so hard. Feel like everything is always going against me like I’m a bad horrible person and I’m just not meant to get better or receive proper support.

im on the couch. Laying down. Hoping to drift off but probably won’t.

D is home today. She’s tired. I expected it. Wonder how many kids went to school today after camp.

how are you?

It can feel that way @Bow everything going against me no matter how hard I try. It's hard when it feels like that. That no one is in our corner.

You are not a horrible person hon, just the opposite of that. You certainly deserve help and support. It simply isn't fair or right.

I don't think there would be a lot of kids at school after the camp. There are probably plenty more that stayed home because they are tired. I wonder if even the teachers went!!

I'm here, thats enough. Have pdoc (phone call) this afternoon.