My Mosaic

Good afternoon @Bow

Those are weird dreams hon. We get snakes around here too.

Great job on getting your bloods done and the ECG. I know how hard that can be for you. I'm glad you had a nice lady. She sounds sweet.

Sorry to hear about the SW hon. It's hard when it is on short notice. A bit more time to make sure you had read it and were home would have been helpful. Do you know when she can visit next?

Does D get home tomorrow arvo?

I took mum to the dentist this morning. Today isn't a great day, is very triggering for me. Am on the couch too, not planning on moving for the remainder of the day.

@Bow

Well done for getting your bloods and ECG done. I’m glad you got someone who listened. It would still have been hard though.

Would have been disappointing with the SW giving you such short notice too! It would be hard for them with less cars than people but it would be good if they could have some kind of roster or plan so they could give people notice.

So much sad. Anger. Disappointment.

@Bow

Do you want to share about what’s happening for you? (Understand if words are too hard right now and you just need someone to hear and believe what you’re feeling.) 💛

I don’t wanna keep complaining about the same stuff, I feel stupid @Wintersweet but this is real. This is my life. No one truly understands what I am going through cause I don’t have anyone. My walls are up so high cause there is no trust or safety.

@Bow

It’s ok to keep sharing that the same things continue to be hard. 💛 You’re right that your experience is real and it makes sense that the walls are going up to try and protect you. Feeling alone is so hard when we’re hurting, but I get that it also feels safer than allowing others in, especially people who’ve given us reason not to trust them.

Would it be helpful to share what happened today specifically? No pressure of course, but I want you to know there’s space to share if you want to.

I don’t know @Wintersweet maybe I’m just having a bit of a pity party today, but I’m just so angry and disappointed in the organization that is my SW’s. It has been terrible for months and I get that they are working off a new tender since July, but that really shouldn’t be an excuse. They are providing a service to sick and vulnerable people and it’s just not good enough. I’ve had so little reliable, consistent and stable support for months. I’ve been pretty unwell lately. This ‘new’ SW came by last Tuesday for about 20mins and then left. And then she is in a training course Wednesday so I don’t hear from her then and then she was away the rest of the week. Yesterday I heard from her late in the afternoon told her how rough things have been, she asked if I’ve SH, I said yep was a mess. Yadda yadda. And then today happened. She said she’d check in later. Later never happened. Training tomorrow. Thursday she’s in another training course and who knows what’s gonna happen Friday. She assured me she wanted to take the time to get to know me and what’s important???? When? And my supports before all that were poor as well.

They can’t say that I don’t tell them I’m not ok. I’ve done that but they don’t seem to care.

I have a pdoc appointment on Thursday which I’m freaking out about. It’s a male, and I’ve seen him once before as a once off, he was the one that stopped my stimulant after meeting me once and then adding another med. He didn’t care about me as a person.

I only have a few weeks left with my psychologist and I’m going to guarantee I won’t have a replacement, meaning I’m going into the hardest time of the year for me with zero support. Again.

My gp and dietitian are the only people that have been stable and consistent but I can’t see them very often. My gp is so busy and I have to pay a gap with my dietitian.

it all just sucks and I’m over it. I won’t say how many times I’ve come close to permanent solution. I might sit doing my crafts or laying on the floor where the kittens are… but that’s what I think about. I have to fight with myself inside my stupid head over it.

I will probably sent a text to my old old SW. she can’t really do anything cause she doesn’t over my local office anymore, but I know she will be a reassuring voice.

Hello @Bow,

I just wanted to let you know that I completely hear you. What you're going through is genuinely hard and unstable supports do make things feel really vulnerable. I see that you are trying your absolute best to access care and support for yourself, so know that it doesn't go unnoticed.

Did you hear back from your old support worker?

And what else are you doing to keep yourself safe tonight? 💛

Hi @AuntGlow thanks. I haven’t contacted anyone yet. I will maybe send my old old SW a text tomorrow. She said I could always contact her even though she doesn’t oversee my local office anymore.

I don’t know what else I can do tonight. Things feeling pretty yuck. On the edge to be honest.

I think that's a great idea! @Bow I am so glad she is still a support for you, I know how safe and comfortable you feel with her.

What are some things you can connect to from your safety plan? Can you create any art, practice some crafts, or put together some lego?

Also, please remember that if you are feeling unsafe, it's so important that you reach out to a service like Lifeline for more support, okay? 🥰