My Mosaic

@Bow

I know it’s hard to capture the intensity of that “over it” feeling in words but please know that I hear you and know that it’s so much more than what can be verbalised at times.

I’m sorry you had to resort to (what I’m assuming is) a coping strategy that you feel negatively about. It’s really hard when we’re not ok and the support we need isn’t there.

Sometimes laying on the floor is the best option. I do that at work sometimes (in a locked office.) I’m glad you had the kittens to watch as I imagine anything that could take your attention would have been helpful. At the same time, that’s a really hard space to be in, and I get that it would have been incredibly difficult.

My day was ok, I’m still panicking when I wake up and know I have to get up, even if the plans are objectively nice. Saw some friends today and went for a walk with them. Waves of anxiety on and off but I didn’t have a panic attack or shutdown, so I’m counting it as a win. Trying to get some laundry done now and then will eat something.

Thank you @Wintersweet for understanding.

I try really hard not to resort to that stuff but when things have been as challenging as they have been, it’s just inevitable at times. It’s a release. And then I need sleep. My meds take hours to make me sleepy, it’s so frustrating. So I need something else to help.

im so tired. I spent more time on the floor. It’s a real hollow empty feeling. It often feels like I’m made of concrete and dang that stuff is hard to carry.

waking up panicked would feel horrible. I’m glad you got out with some friends and went for a walk that sounds really nice. I put some washing out this morning, sun in shining and I thought this is a good dose of vitamin D.

I’ve just used my cricut to label some of my D’s stuff for camp. She’s nagging to do her final pack now. Up to much today?

hello @Snowie @Chasingsunsets @Eve7 

Good afternoon @Bow

D must be getting very excited now!

I'm sorry to hear how hard things are. I hope today gives you some break 💗💗

Hi dear @Wintersweet

Well done on going for a walk with your friends. It can be quite challenging interacting with others.

I hope today is going well for you 💕💕

Hey @Snowie

got not many words this arvo. Tired and spiraling.

D’s just had a shower so she doesn’t have to have one in the morning…. Gotta be there at 6:30am! Doubt I’ll go back to sleep but will be able to go to bed early guilt free.

what have you been up to today?

@Bow

Feeling hollow and empty is really heavy. I think lying on the floor makes sense when you feel like you’re made of concrete. Getting to the place for 6:30 when you’re feeling like that is a huge ask. I hope you’re able to find something restful to do after you get back and that you’re able to get to bed early and sleep well. 💛

I’m also super impressed with you getting the washing out. It would be a good dose of vitamin D for sure!

I’ve not been up to much. I’ve been pretty tired/out of it, but didn’t panic when I had to get up which was nice.

@Snowie

Agreed, even when you like the people it can take a lot of energy. How did you go with D’s dancing? Hope today went well for you too. 💛

Hi dear @Bow sending lots of 💌💌💌

Thats an early morning hon. I'm sure D is excited.

I hope you can get some sleep or at least some rest.

Not up to much today. Went and saw mum this morning. H went with me so she was ok.

So mums booked to go to tassie on Saturday. Away for 3 weeks. She managed to get onto the hospital and they said she won’t be booked in until November.

D was up early pumped and ready to go. 5:45am felt way too early. I waited until the buses left.

I told mum to go, I want her to go, it’s what she needs to do, told her I’d be fine. But I’m so bloody scared. Mum said I’d be ok cause I’ve got the SW. I nodded. But do I? It really doesn’t feel like I have. I’ve gotta keep myself well, but I don’t know how. Don’t know if I can. I’m already in such a vulnerable place.

Hey @Bow

I'm glad to hear that your mum is going to Tassie. You want her to go but at the same time it is scary knowing you will be alone at home. Even just her presence can help.

It can be hard being at home by yourself, I get that. You have no one to check in on you, no one to answer to.

Perhaps mentioning it to your SW, CM, psych might help. Well I'm hoping it will help. I guess all you can do is tell them all and hope for a better outcome.

I know it's not the same and that it has changed on here, but you have us hon.

Here for you @Bow I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time and that your supports keep letting you down.

I hope D is having a great time.

I swear I posted another reply but it’s been deleted???