My Mosaic

@Chasingsunsets

Knowing your patterns would definitely be helpful. I’m glad it also makes it a little easier to see up on the horizon. It makes sense to me that it would have been a long-term process to develop that awareness.

My day was pretty unproductive. Hoping the fog might lift tomorrow.

Evening @Wintersweet, it does make it a bit easier, which I am really thankful for 😊. It comes with more questions than answers but even just recognising the patterns has been helpful.

I tracked back through messages and saw you were busy working out how you were feeling and what it might be. I play this game a fair bit, interesting right. It’s definitely challenging. What’s your ideas on how you were today. I hope the fog lifts for you tomorrow my friend 💛

HI @Bow

I'm sorry to hear about your brother hon. That must put an enormous amount of stress onto your Mum and you. It's very hard when someone so close to you is ill. I hope your mum is able to have her procedure and then go down to Tas to him. It is nice to hear that he has his church family helping him. They sound like a wonderful group of people. Thinking of you lots hon.

Good morning @Wintersweet @Chasingsunsets I hope the day treats you kindly.

hey @Snowie thank you. Feels like things are weighing heavily today. My SW came this morning, didn’t stay long, but unloaded a bit with her. Talked about that horrible place of not wanting to be here but then feeling very guilty cause I have a brother who I know would gladly stay if he could. My SW could relate though. She’s lost 8 family members in the last 2 yrs and I get the impression that she has struggled with her mental health also. She also told me that she isn’t available to come to my pdoc appointment next week but she will send the other young girl along…. Nope. I’d prefer to go alone than have the anxiety of her being there. Sometimes no support is better than the wrong support.

we had an electrician out this morning. Mum dropped her iron on the floor ages ago, didn’t do any damage to the iron, but the PowerPoint won’t work. Have been using an extension cord for ages and she got sick of it. Oh my, $1000 to replace the power board. Oh and he informed us that if the oven ever faults it will keep zapping you cause of how it’s all set up instead of turning off at the main and then….. the asbestos! Outside at the big main switch there is asbestos and there is a sticker that I didn’t even notice! I’ve opened that up a dozen times and missed it.

anyways, house inspection tomorrow so I’m off to clean my en-suite and dust my room. Thankfully not much else after than. Maybe I’ll finish adding summer cruise clothes to my SHEIN cart I like that I can get heaps and probably send most of them back.

how are you doing today? Up to much? And you too @Wintersweet @Chasingsunsets

Hi @Bow glad your SW came out and you could at least let her know a few things happening.

I do agree that no support is better than the wrong support. If she was there for the pdoc appt. it's just one more thing to worry about. It can be anxiety provoking as it is, you don't want to add to that.

Can understand the guilt of not wanting to be here weighing heavily on you. It was the same for me when my Dad was terminal.

Oh dear hon, thats a lot of money for a power board replacement, I think. But then again got no knowledge of that stuff!!

Wouldn't it be up to the owner about the asbestos? It's their job to get rid of it?

Hoping the house inspection goes well. I'm sure it will with all your mum and you have been doing to the house.

I love Shein. Just got an order from them yesterday!

I've a few things happening here that i haven't handled the best. Took mum up the street yesterday. She asked me if she had 1 sister or 3 (she has 1) Don't know where that came from.

Today is a sheet and towel washing day.

@Snowie

It’s really hard to be stuck in survival mode and then have the added weight of not having handled things the way we would have wanted 💛 Hoping that you’re able to find ways to look after yourself and that you know that we care about you.

@Bow

I can relate to the guilt of not wanting to be here and knowing there are other people who want to stay and can’t. The way I see it though, even though what you and your brother are experiencing is opposite in some ways, both are awful and both deserve kindness and support. I’m glad your SW was able to use her own experience to relate to you and support you. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was helpful for her too, knowing that she’s not alone either.

That’s a lot of house stuff! Adding summer cruise clothes to your Shein cart sounds like a nice treat for after 😊

@Chasingsunsets

I think at the moment I’m thinking that neurodivergence is playing a big role as I’m getting increased sensory sensitivity, finding that I can’t work out how to do stuff I normally can, and am having moments where I lose words. Since there’s not really been a change in external demands I’m not sure if this is in response to a dip in my mental health or just a steady accumulation of stress that’s now making the neurodivergent struggles more pronounced. The fog has lifted a little today I think but I’m finding I’m very easily distracted and things are taking longer than normal. How about for you?

Looking at canceling our cruise now :(

am I allowed to be sad?

@Bow

I think you’re absolutely allowed to be sad!

Hi @Bow @Wintersweet @Chasingsunsets

I hope your day is going well. Leaving some 💌💌💌

Bow, I think you are defiantly allowed to be sad, especially with how much you are looking forward to it. I hope it can still go ahead.

Sat on the couch all morning doom scrolling while waiting for the real estate to come. Now laying in bed cause I can’t bare to be up. Want the world to just swallow me up.