My Mosaic

@Bow

That’s a lot in one day! I’m not surprised you want a nap. Especially after not sleeping well.

I imagine there could be a very complex mix of feelings around your uncle passing. How are you feeling about it? (No pressure if you don’t want to talk about it but I want you to have space to share if you want to.)

I’m so proud of you for going to Safe Haven on your own and so glad it was helpful!

I’m sad @Wintersweet but at the same time I’m also feeling really numb. Know when your like really really full and there really is zero room for anything else but it’s there trying to push through but keeps getting knocked back. Oh Geesh.

im laying on the couch and I really just wanna go to bed. I have to pick my D up at 7pm I think I’ll be coming home after that and going to bed.

how are you? Whatcha been doing?

@Bow

Yes! That’s a really good description of that feeling, and a lot to be holding.

Going to bed when you’ve picked up D sounds like a plan. I really hope you’re able to get some good rest tonight. I know I often find it takes a while for me to get to sleep when I have that full feeling and have to listen to something to focus my attention.

What kind of things do you find helpful to listen to when you’re trying to sleep @Wintersweet ? Maybe it’s something I need to try cause I often crawl into bed exhausted but my mind won’t hush up and I lay there ruminating on stuff, going over conversations I want to have with certain people.

@Bow

It’s really hard when our brains won’t shush isn’t it? Whatever I listen to I have to keep deliberately bringing my attention back to it. I sometimes listen to breathing or progressive relaxation guided mindfulness things. If I’m really activated I’ll often listen to an audiobook or fictional podcast. Sometimes a podcast with familiar voices talking about something non-fictional works too. The main thing seems to be just noticing when I’ve drifted back into ruminating and then deliberately tuning back in to what I was listening to.

Recently I’ve been trying to first listen through a guided “processing emotions” recording which goes through taking a deliberate deep breath, naming what I’m feeling, taking another deliberate deep breath, describing how it feels in my body, taking another deliberate deep breath, trying to describe it (moving, colour, temperature, etc.), taking another deliberate deep breath, asking myself whether there’s any action I need to take (make a list, cry, dbt skills etc.) The other thing is deliberately switching my attention back and forth between what I’m feeling and verbally describing different things I can see. Just briefly dipping into the feeling to test how strong it is then refocusing on something physically around me (it can take a fair few times before the intensity reduces but sometimes that helps quiet things a bit. Then I put on something to listen to and keep refocusing on it. It can be a big effort but if it helps me sleep it’s worth it.

I am sorry you have been through so much today @Bow but I am very proud of you for accessing safe haven and I am pleased you were met there with kindness.

I hope you can sleep tonight and that you and your mum can comfort each other. 💔🙏

Another shitty nights sleep. I went to bed early but of course my thoughts would not shut off. I’m so tired of it. And what now I’m not a nice person. Yeah well guess I already knew that that’s why I’m where I am. Nothing is easy and horrible stuff keeps coming my way. I’m over it

People should be more careful with what they say cause words can push people over the edge

@Bow

Having someone criticise you when you’re dealing with so much would be really hard. I see the effort that you put into supporting others, into encouraging people on the Forums, and into doing your best with D (I’m sure you make mistakes like every parent but it’s clear you love her and put in a lot of work with her). Plus the effort that you put in with your mum and brothers. Like the little ducks you hid. Generally caring people still sometimes do unkind things. It can also be almost impossible not to spiral sometimes but I want you to know I care about you.

just stopping by briefly to say thanks @Wintersweet strggling with my safety at the moment so not going to stay going back to bed to sleep

hope your Sunday is treating you ok